The title of this is, how to deal with
insecurities in your marriage?
And I'm Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation. We've been around
for over
20 years and our approach is very
different than
most. We don't deal with the problems
specifically.
We deal with why there is a problem
not what's the cause specifically of the
problem
but it's more like if you have a plant
and the fruit is terrible.
So you have this fruit here and this
fruit here and all of it is not good
which is what is happening in your
marriage now because if you're feeling
insecure,
guess what? It's not because
everything is good but you're an
insecure person.
It's because there are things going on
in your marriage
that are an indication,
a strong indication that your marriage
as a whole
isn't being handled correctly. Yes.
I don't want you to be thinking in terms
of
this out here is the problem or the
in-laws are a problem, or we have
kids, too much work, too much this.
It's never that, it's never that.
Now I'm going to share a few things with
you
and I want you to pay attention. I also
want you to subscribe to this channel.
When you were growing up and you were
going to school
how patient were you and how good of a
student were you
in your relationship class?
You didn't have a relationship class.
Well, welcome to the school
system. We don't learn anything about
relationships.
We don't learn anything about marriages.
We don't learn anything about gender
differences.
In fact, if anything we're supposed to be
buying this nonsense that all genders
are the same which is preposterous.
We go into our marriages not knowing
how to drive it. I'm going to give you a
good metaphor.
Imagine that instead of going to
driver's Ed
learning about how a car starts and
where the
switch is for the windshield wipers and
learning about
maintenance. You didn't learn anything.
Someone handed you the keys and when
your
mom and dad were driving you never paid
attention. You just see cars going
and now you're in a car that you don't
understand
and you have to drive on the roads where
there's a bunch of people driving and
you don't know the rules.
And this is what happened when you got
married.
Now you know when you get into a car, the
car is
for you to get from point A to point B
so I'm going to ask you a very simple
question
and give me a very simple answer because
the answer is simple.
What's the purpose of marriage?
Now look I've asked this question
hundreds thousands of times
and I always get the wrong answers
always. All the time that I met with
clients
I only had two people answer and there
is a correct answer,
answer correctly. Now give you a hint,
it's not like to have a family
because not everybody wants a family so
it's a universal answer.
The reason I'm talking now is to give
you time to think of a good answer
and you probably haven't. Happiness.
We get married to be happy but it goes
further.
We get married in order to be happier
every single day of our lives. I call it
ever
increasing happiness. You get literally
happier than the day before and happier
and happier and happier.
Pretty soon, it's like cloud nine
so that's one answer but there's another.
It's a two-part answer. The other part
is going to be less obvious. I doubt if
you
guessed happiness. The other one
actually some people do guess this more
than happiness
and that is to experience love
but not just any kind of love.
It's not a, "Wow man, I really
love you bro,"
kind of love. It's not a, "Oh, I love you!
You were
so good to help out with the kids." It's
not that kind of love either.
It is the kind of love if you have kids
it's really easy.
When you see your kids sleeping
because that's when it
happens for most people.
You see your kids sleeping and your
heart
opens up. You just feel
so so much love.
Now the western psych world says
"that is an abstract thought" and I say
they're insane. It is more
tangible. Yeah. It's not physical, it's not
material. You can't
sense it with your touch, taste,
hear it, see it but it's tangible.
You can feel it. You know it is real that
love.
There are other times when you feel that
love. This is important for you to
understand
this love. When you go to a wedding
and you're sitting there and all of a
sudden, you just
you feel this love overwhelm you.
Everyone has that experience
at every wedding. I don't know why
but that's love that's what you're
supposed to be
feeling with your spouse.
Okay. You can
still have that feeling
with your spouse. You need to learn how.
You need to
admit that you never learned how to be
married
and one of my books will teach you all
you need to know about
marriage. But if your marriage is really
going south and it's moving towards
divorce
then take one of the courses whether
it's a course for men if you're a man or
the course
for women if you're a woman and go to
our website themarriagefoundation.org
and take a look at what we have
because you need to learn how to drive
that stinking car.
You need to learn how to drive that
marriage. Now I'm going to ask you a very
simple question again.
If you were feeling this love
which you just need to know where the
dials are,
would you feel insecure in your marriage?
Of course not,
because love is why you get married.
It is the love banishes
floods out of fear,
insecurity, indecisiveness.
You learn how to be comfortable in your
marriage
how to experience your marriage
the way it's supposed to be.
I hope you understand. It isn't your
fault.
It isn't your husband's fault or your
wife's fault.
We just don't learn. I'm Paul Friedman. I
founded The Marriage Foundation.
Subscribe to the channel. Listen to our
podcasts. Go to our website
and experience marriage for what it is.
You'll be floating. I'm not kidding.
You will literally be floating for the
rest of your life
in marital bliss.
How can you go wrong? Thanks for spending
time with me!
Take care! Leave a like, leave a comment.
Take care!