>> Ladies and gentlemen, we are -- Oh, I'm sorry.
My phone is on.
"Giving a speech seems kind of important.
TTYL. Love you bunches."
First let me take a selfie.
[ Laughter ]
Good. Folks, we are addicted.
You may call it Candy Crush or Bejeweled.
I say it's crystal meth.
You may have known of him as Steve Jobs in his time.
Well, I say he was Heisenberg.
"Breaking Bad," anyone?
And you may have heard of Flappy Bird or Angry Bird.
Whatever kind of bird, I don't care.
I say it's the Avian flu.
But it's not so much mobile gaming that's destroyed us.
Now, social networking and text messaging have become the primary form of our communication.
And for that, we have suffered.
I believe that this technological temptation has crippled our communication on 2 major levels:
number 1, the micro-social level or the you and the me; and number 2,
the macro-social level or the big picture.
Today, I'll explain to you how this has affected us on those 2 levels and how we might be able
to unplug ourselves from this matrix of mystery apps.
Point number 1, the micro-social level.
A professor of mine once said that "Today we see the world through the light of tiny gadgets."
And while I was ignoring him scrolling through pictures on Instagram of the world,
I started to think "You know, this guy might be on to something.
You should be a professor."
But I needed to know more.
So I did a little research.
Well, sorry.
I went to Google.
And, folks, I got to tell you some of the 14 million pages
of results, well, they just might shock you.
Did you know that 58 percent of Americans cell phone owners cannot go an hour
without checking their phones?
Did you also know that 30 percent use their phones while enjoying a meal
with another person?
Did you also know that 24 percent use their phone while driving?
And nearly 10 percent use their phone during a religious service in a house of worship.
I mean good Lord.
Folks, we are on our phones as soon as we get up in the morning, all throughout the day,
before we go to bed at night, and sometimes while we're lying in bed.
Now, how is this crippling our communication?
One would think that if we're always on a piece of technology made to advance our communication
that we would be brought closer together, right?
Well, right?
Wrong! According to a Pew Internet research survey,
nearly 13 percent of all American cell-phone owners have pretended to use their phones
to avoid a conversation with another human being.
What's worse is that that number jumps
to nearly 30 percent among American cell-phone owners between the ages of 18 to 29.
Now, folks, I don't know about you.
But to me, that number seems kind of small, 30 percent, really?
I'm sure we've all done it at least at one point.
You see someone approaching you who you don't really know how to interact with.
You're afraid to make any eye contact.
And so you have a moment of panic where you reach for your phone.
"Oh, crap, I was just checking the time, yeah.
Oh, just got a text message.
Oh, hey. What's up mom?
Yeah [mumbling] -- and he's gone."
It happens.
But like it or not, this statistic might have inspired Aaron Sorkin
to write a sequel to his 2010 film.
And he would call it "The Antisocial Network."
What's better than a million friends?
No friends.
Go away. You guys are still here?
Oh, okay. Point number 2 though, CNN reported on August 31, 2012,
that of Americas 300 million population, 270 million of us have cell phones.
Now, folks, we have clicked the keys more than we have dialed the tones.
Americans sent over 188 million text messages in the year 2010.
People, that is a 4-year-old statistic.
Those numbers have only continued to climb with the release of the iPhone 5.
This is not an iPhone 5, but I wish to have one.
But, folks, we're not alone in this, thankfully.
United States is not the only one sending all these text messages.
In fact, the United Nations announced that 91 percent
of this globe has access to mobile phones.
Now, the corporations have caught on to this, clearly.
The global, noble pioneers Verizon and T-Mobile, they have already established plans
that do not require voice communication.
So when it comes to, say, your mother's birthday, you can text her the sincere
and thoughtful words "HPY B-day, Mom.
Colon, parenthesis."
Now in other news, I will candidly admit to toilet texting from time to time.
But, I'm not the only one.
In fact, 39 percent of American cell-phone owners have clenched their smartphones while
seated on the golden throne.
But it gets real, folks.
Nay, "It hits the fan."
The United Nations also announces that, of the world's estimated 7 billion population,
6 billion of us have cell phones but only 4.5 billion of us have access to a working toilet.
I suppose that when the question is asked whether we prefer 2-ply in our hands
or an iPhone, we seem to choose the shiniest of 2 turds.
Either way, it's all the same crap.
Poo puns intended.
Let's talk about solutions now.
After we've wiped, flushed, and thoroughly washed our hands of this shame, what can we do?
If you think I'm suggesting that we just give up cell phones, well, you can guess again.
Of course we can't give up cell phones; it's completely impractical.
Not only have we invested too much of our own money into these things to just give them up,
but I don't know if you've picked up on this yet, or not, but our lives revolve around them.
Think about it.
We bank with them, email with them, shop with them, order things with them.
We do everything with them.
And they're not bad to have in case of a real emergency.
Thankfully, though, some businesses have already prohibited certain activities with cell phones.
In fact, New York City restaurants have told its patrons not to take photos of their food.
A nonexistent chef was never quoted as saying, "Look,
no matter how many filters you use, our food still tastes the same.
You say art, I say tomato."
Well, that's great for New York restaurant owners and such.
But what about us?
What can we do?
Folks, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
See this flap right here?
It's called a pocket.
Heck, you might have seen one around.
Heck, you probably have one with you right now.
The nifty thing about this pocket is that your phone fits right in there.
No hands. And the best part -- I mean, it just blows my mind.
Since we live in the 21st Century, our phones do this thing where, when someone needs
to get ahold of us, they beep, vibrate, ring, whatever you want so you know
when to take it out of your pocket.
I mean, it just blows my mind.
Listen, just because your phone is always on you doesn't mean you always have to be on it.
In conclusion, yeah, we're addicted.
But like or not, the relationship is kind of unhealthy.
In fact, the awkward silence has enjoyed its greatest popularity
since the smartphone came out.
Am I right?
Because smartphones are dumb.
Hashtag awkward silence.
In the grand scheme of things, perhaps it is more important to focus on the world that is
around us rather than on the one that is in our hands.
Because while we may try to stay connected, we may just be missing
out on the connection of a lifetime.
Thank you.