>> HELLO.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> (APPLAUSE)
GOOD, THANK YOU.
I DON'T LIKE FACEBOOK.
I'M NOT A FAN.
IT'S NOT THE PRIVACY.
MARK ZUCKERBERG CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS WITH MYUDES.
(LAUGHTER) IT IS THE MEMORIES.
I DONGT KNOW WHO ARE THE MEMORIES FOR?
EVERY DAY YOU OPEN UP FACEBOOK AND ITS LIKE HEY, REMEMBER WHEN
YOU WERE HAPPY?
YOU ARE LIKE FACEBOOK, I DELETED THAT PICTURE.
THEY'RE LIKE WE SAVED IT FOR YOU.
TO BE DEVASTATED BY A PHOTOGRAPH YOU USED TO HAVE TO GO TO YOUR
ATIQ AND IN AT TICK WAS A SHOE BOX AND IN THE SHOE BOXES WITH A
PICTURE OF THE PERSON THAT BROKE YOUR HEART.
NOW EVERY DAY FACEBOOK JUST DUMPS THAT ON YOUR DESKTOP.
LIKE HOPE THIS DOESN'T HURT YOU.
IT'S LIKE LEAVING AN INSENSITIVE RELATIVE ALONE IN YOUR HOUSE.
YOU WALK BACK IN THE ROOM, HOLDING A PHOTO, THEY ARE LIKE
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOUR MARRIAGE.
(LAUGHTER) YOU'RE LIKE FACEBOOK, I TOLD
YOU, WE GOT A DIVORCE.
THEY'RE LIKE OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, ANYWAY TODAY WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR FOUR-YEAR WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY.
(APPLAUSE) M BROKE AND I DON'T LIKE IT,
I'M NOT-- DO YOU EVER GET SO BROKE YOU JUST START SCHEMING.
YOU HAVE EVER BEEN THERE?
YEAH.
YOU ARE JUST LIKE WHAT'S AN INVENTION WE NEED RIGHT NOW.
LIKE RIGHT NOW.
WHAT DOES SOCIETY NEED BEFORE THE FIRST.
OR LIKE WHERE DO YOU GET COPPER, WHERE IS COPPER FROM, YOU JUST
TAKE AN ADDERALL, YOU PUNCH A WALL, YOU FIND COPPER.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE COPPER ONCE YOU HAVE THE COPPER.
I'M BROKE AND IT'S REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THERE ARE ALL
THESE KIDS.
AND THEY'RE NOT BROKE.
THEY'RE RICH.
AND THEY'RE RI FOR NOTHING.
THEY HAVE LIKE AN APP OR THEY'RE GOOD AT SOCIAL MEDIAND THEIR
LIVES ARE AMAZING.
THEY ARE LIKE TEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME AND THEIR LIVES ARE JUST
LIKE YOGA RETREAT, DE COMPRESS FROM A, TESLA, OPEN
RELATIONSHIP.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
I THINK WHAT IT IS IS I THINK THEY GOT A HEAD START BECAUSE
THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO SPEND HIGH SCHOOL PROVEK THEY WEREN'T GAY.
I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL IN THE 90S.
WE HAD TO BE ON GUARD THE WHOLE TIME.
I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE LEARNED THINGS.
I COULDN'T.
I WAS ON GUARD.
YOU WOULD HAVE ONE EMOTION, EVERYBODY WOULD BE LIKE YOU'RE
GAY.
YOU WOULD BE LIKE NO, I'M NOT.
THE TEACHER WOULD BE LIKE YEAH, HE'S PRETTY GAY.
I LOVED ART.
I LOVED DRAMA.
I LOVED POETRY.
I COULDN DO THAT, I HAD TO WEIGHT LIFT WHILE SMOKING A
CIGARETTE.
I WAS LIKE LOOK HOW STRAIGHT I AM.
KIDS DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANY MORE.
THEY'RE WOKE.
YOU CALL A KID GAY HE'S LIKE YEAH, MAYBE I AM, MAYBE THAT'S
PART OF MY JOURNEY AND THEN HE JUST STARTS CODING RIGHT AWAY.
(APPLAUSE) I LIVE IN NEW YORK NOWI USED
TO LIVE HERE, I HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE I GOT DE PRESSED AND
NOBODY IN L.A. COULD STAND THAT.
NOBODY COULD HEAR THAT.
THEY ALL TOOK IT PERSONALLY.
I WOULD BE LIKE I'M DE PRESSED AND PEOPLE WOULDE LIKE WHAT?
NO!
HAVE SOME JUICE.
(LAUGHTER) WHEN I TELL PEOPLE IN NEW YORK I
WAS DE PRESSED THEY WOULD BE LIKE YOU DE PRESSED, THAT'S
GOOD.
MEANS YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION.
I AM HAPPY NOW CUZ I TAKE ANTI-DE PRESS ANTS, THOSE REALLY
DO SOME HEAVY LIFTING.
AND THEY'RE GREAT.
NOBODY IN L.A. BELIEVED IN-- YOU KNOW HOW, PEOPLE IN L.A. LIKE
GIVE UP ON MEDICINE CUZ THEY MEET SOMEBODY AT WHOLE FOODS.
(LAUGHTER) YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING
ABOUT, THESE PEOPLE THAT HAVE A SHAMAN AND THE SHAMAN'S NAME IS
KYLE OR SOMETHING.
(LAUGHTER) AND I TELL THEM I WAS ON ANTI-DE
PRESS ANTS AND THEY ARE LIKE YOU HAVE TO GET OFF THOSE THINGS.
THEY'RE.SOFNLT AND I WOULD BE LIKE WELL A DOCTOR PRESCRIBED
THEM BUT YOU ARE A YOGA INSTRUCTOR.
SO WHAT DO I DO, KYLE, WHAT IS THE ANSWER?
AND THIS IS WHAT I DON'T LIKE ABOUT PEOPLE THAT LIKE NATURAL
MEDICINE, THEY ALWAYS ACT LIKE IT IS VERY SIMPLE.
THEY ALWAYS SELL IT LIKE THAT.
IT IS NO PROBLEM YOU JUST WANT TO TAKE NIACIN,
BIO TIN, THIGH MINE, B1, 12, 3, B, C, B, AND E, FISH OIL,
PURPLE, FIVE ST. JOHN'S WORT, WAKE UP DRINK A GLASS OF WATER
THOUGHTFULLY FOR ONE HALF HOUR.
BOIL A BOWL OF ALMOND IL AMK, PUT THAT ON A WINDOW SILL THARK
IS NOT FOR YOU, CLIMB A TREE, THANK A BIRD, GET DOWN
THANKFULLY, WRITE A GRATITUDE LIST, SET THAT ON FIRE, BLOW THE
ASHES TOWARDS YOUR ANCESTORS, BUY THESE FIVE CRYSTALS, THEY'RE
EACH $1 THOWR.
(APPLAUSE) I WAS LIKE OR CAN I TAKE ONE
PILL.
THEY'RE LIKE YEAH, IF YOU WANT TO, YEAH, I GOT STUFF TO DO,
KYLE.
THANK YOU GUYS VERY MUCH.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FANTASTIC.
>> ANDY, HAYNES IN WASHINGTON WASHINGTON D.C. NOVEMBER
29th AND 30th.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.