This needs to stop now. So if you've got testicles hanging from the back of your truck,
understand this doesn't send the signal of strong masculinity. Nope. I'd say for most people, this
screams, this guy is compensating for something, and this is coming from a truck guy who, yes,
at one point bought oversized tires and had a Texas brush grill on the front,
which to my defense, Was very useful when I hit a couple deer here in Wisconsin.
Seriously, minimal damage to the truck. And those deer flew right over the top of my vehicle. But
the testicles, come on guys. What's the functional purpose? But seriously, Jens,
at some point in all of our lives, we've dealt with confidence issues. And to be clear, that is
perfectly normal. However, there's a good chance you're making at least one of these mistakes.
That can make you come off as insecure and a man signaling insecurity can turn
off women and can turn away opportunity. So the first signal of an insecure man is
that you can't take criticism without becoming defensive. And I get it. The
person criticizing you is an idiot. That being said, you getting overly defensive.
Shows that you're a reactionary and most likely you don't have
confidence in your own beliefs. And believe me, as a guy for over a decade has put himself
out there on the web. I've received a lot of unsolicited feedback, people telling me how
to run my channel, how to run my business, mistakes that I'm making in these videos.
Now, here's the deal. I am far from being imperfect and so are you. And to me,
that's the sign of a confident man. A man who's secure in who he is. He knows that he
is. Imperfect. He's a work in progress and he's going to make mistakes. So deep down,
I know some of this unsolicited advice I'm receiving is actually correct.
Maybe they don't know the full situation. Maybe they don't understand my reasoning,
but the majority of people that are actually
giving me some advice are actually looking out for our best interests,
even though sometimes it's pretty harsh. And I think for a lot of insecure guys, That's where
it really stings because they haven't taken the time to truly maybe examine the situation.
They know deep down that they've made a mistake or that they're going in the
wrong direction. And when they receive that critical advice, that critical feedback,
they know that there is a kernel of truth in it. A confident man understands he's not perfect. And
this does take practice, but just take that criticism, just take it with a grain of salt.
Nod your head, accept it. Maybe try to learn a little bit from it and move on.
But don't let that criticism push you in a direction you didn't intend to go that
day. The next insecure mistake that you could be making, and I know I've made in the past,
is you're seeking the approval of others, what to study in school.
Let me ask my friends and family where to take my career again. Let me ask my
friends. Let me ask my family what to where today. Lemme check with my girlfriend. Should
I go with the house special or just grab a hamburger? What do you think? Now let
me be clear. There is nothing wrong with talking to people you love and respect.
About a big decision you're gonna make so that they can help point you in the right direction.
But if you're using this as a crutch so that you don't have to be responsible for your own
decisions, that's where insecurity is an issue. You see, a lot of us are scared of the fact that
our lives are accumulative result of the decisions we make, and in most situations how we end up.
That is because of our own decisions,
and I understand there are many things outta your control. That being said,
we do have a lot of power and a lot of influence into where we end up in life and an insecure man
doesn't want to take on that responsibility. So how to overcome this? Well, two things
really helped me out, and that is understanding Most decisions are a revolving door decision.
What that means is that you can step forward and you can actually step back if it's the
wrong decision. Even most relationships, I mean short, well, even married, You can't
actually step out of that nowadays. Now there are some decisions like whether or not to have
a child that you can't undo. That being said, most decisions in life are revolving doors.
So if you make a mistake, you can quickly take a step back,
but you gotta have the courage to be able to take it back to understanding. You do make mistakes,
getting to our earlier point and uh, yeah, be willing to move on. The other
one is understanding that not all decisions have the same weight. There are some pretty
big decisions in our life, and those are the ones that you do want to take time.
You want to actually walk through and look at the different scenarios,
maybe give yourself a bit of time before you dive into it. Now, being a style channel,
I do wanna think about style mistakes that guys make, that make 'em look insecure.
And probably the biggest one is that they're fidgeting with their clothing.
They put something on and they're checking in the mirror, they're adjusting it. They're, you could
just tell this person is uncomfortable in what they're wearing. To me, this is a clear signal.
This person hasn't practiced. Wearing this outfit. If you're gonna be dressing for an interview,
if you've got an important event, I highly recommend that you wear something that you're
comfortable in, how to become comfortable a little bit, dress your clothing, practice wearing it.
Find occasions that you can't actually wear a suit. You're going out with your spouse on a
date. There's nothing wrong with actually dressing up when a man hasn't practiced
wearing nice clothing, and that could just simply be a collared shirt. All of a sudden,
it's unfamiliar. He's checking in, wanting to make sure it looks.
Good. And he's doing it a bit too much. And all of this kind of gives this insecure feeling that
he is not comfortable in the outfit he's chosen. And let me be clear, there's nothing wrong with
looking at yourself in the mirror right before you go out, whenever you go to the bathroom, make
sure everything's put together, you yeah, zipped back up the pants, which I have made that mistake.
Nothing stuck in the teeth in the bathroom. Point being though,
you don't wanna be going and checking all the time just cuz you're worried about, Hey,
is this too tight? And at this point you may be thinking, Antonio, well how do I know if
my style measures up? Well guys, I've got a style score. Yes, a quiz that you can take.
We're gonna give you an exact number, a breakout of what your style score
is and I'm gonna link you also to Roman Real Style. That's my website. Tons of
free infographics. Great detailed articles that go into a lot more detail than we ever
are able to cover in these videos. So go explore Realman real style.
I've created this free resource for you so that you can become the man
you know yourself to be. Find out your style score. Use that link in
the description of today's video. And if you know your style score,
leave it in the comments below. I'd love to see what it is. Next up, we've got over apologizing.
Now some of you guys just may be Canadian. You know, you guys apologize for everything. No,
my Canadians. I love you guys. You guys like, it's always amazes me how some of the most successful
people here in the United States actually came from Canada. Point being is if you find yourself
always apologizing you, you may wanna take a step back and say, am I over for doing this?
And it's hard for us to see it sometimes. Sometimes we just feel it's good manners.
It's simply the way we are. It's a habit. But there are ways to step out
of it because here's the deal. Is that you probably have some strong opinions,
you have some beliefs, and they're going to offend, they're gonna upset others.
Most cases, there's nothing wrong with expressing or realizing that you're in the wrong crowd.
You're in the wrong situation. You are in the wrong area, and you need to get up and leave
because this is making you uncomfortable. You don't support it, and you don't want
your presence to show that you're supporting it, and you don't have to apologize for that.
You just need to get up and walk. Never. Apologize for being yourself now. Right.
With over apologizing, we've got avoiding conflict altogether,
and I get it because it can be hard to have those conversations. You want things to flow
smooth. Now, I know personally, one of the reasons I avoid conflict is because
most things that maybe I disagree with somebody on, they honestly don't matter.
And that's important to note because honestly, if it doesn't,
Matter then is it even worth your time having the discussion and going into the fight? However,
there is the realm of very important and critical, and these two areas you
do need to make a decision, especially depending on how close the person is.
Is this something I need to actually, you know, seek resolution? So as you can
see what this matrix we're putting together here, the other side. Is,
does it matter with the person? If it's complete stranger, it doesn't matter. If
it's super important to you, it's not worth you probably having a fight with this person.
That could lead to something else if, yeah, who cares what this person thinks. That being said,
if it's someone you're in a chosen relationship with,
maybe your future spouse, someone that you've just been dating for a while, that is probably,
it's a little bit more critical to have this discussion, especially, you know, if hey,
you could possibly have a kid together who knows what the future holds for you.
Family is a little bit mixed, and I am gonna add this third category here because you're
stuck in a relationship with them. And sometimes even though it's really important you realize,
you know what, we're just not gonna go there. I don't always
see eye to eye with my sisters, and I've realized, you know what?
There were just some things we're just not gonna discuss. We're not gonna go. So there's
so many other, other places we can have good discussions. So as you can see in the matrix here,
not all conflict. Is the same. You're gonna wanna be careful about where you choose. To me,
it's gonna be about focusing in on when you've got that chosen relationship.
And this could be with your child, this could be with your spouse, this could be with someone that
is a good friend you spend a lot of time with. In that case, maybe, yeah, you would. If you disagree
with them on a critical issue, you're probably gonna wanna have that discussion. That being said,
don't skip this section, and I learned this, actually, I was reading the book Green Lights
by Matthew McConaughey, and I loved this point about your job in a discussion.
Is not to convince the other person that you are right and that they're
wrong. It's actually just simply to make sure that you are understood. You can't
change that other person's mind. And Matthew talked about like how he was
watching these two people have a debate. He jumped in with his opinion and the other guy.
Didn't know who he was. He scolded him. He said, Hey, you know, I,
I'm not here for you to back me up. Like my thing is I want this other person to understand
my point of view. And so they can see things, not that they're gonna change their opinion.
And it really struck him, and it struck me when I heard that because so many times.
You're having that debate and you're trying to convince somebody that they
are wrong and you're right, versus just making sure that they understand
where you're coming from because you can still be great friends. You can be in an
amazing relationship with somebody, and they're on the opposite side of politics.
They're on the opposite side of, you know, certain beliefs, big beliefs,
but if you both understand where you're coming from and the reasoning for your belief,
and you both accept that, you can still have a great relationship. Next up, let's talk about
eye contact. So we're talking here. In the United States, I know in different parts of the world,
uh, maybe with somebody you respect, you don't make as much eye contact.
But here in the United States, if you're not making eye contact with
people about 60 to 70% of the time when it's a one-on-one, if it's a group conversation,
it's okay for about 70, 60% for you just to make it with the group and then to like be
looking off and, and thinking about something. It can show disrespect.
It can also show that they will consider you to be weak if you can't make. The eye contact.
Now I get it. Again, it takes practice, especially people not from this culture,
or if you just are a very shy person, you're very much attracted to that woman and it's
difficult to make eye contact with her. You've gotta practice put in the reps.
Anyone been in this situation where you've got
someone that's being aggressive almost in your face with eye contact? In that case,
it's difficult and you don't wanna look away because they're sucker punch you and uh,
yeah, you wanna maintain eye contact. The trick here is actually to look at their.
Eyebrows because you're still, you know, not necessarily, it's not as intimidating. Uh, and
you give this like deadpan look like, can you guys see it? Now I'm kind of looking a
little bit above. Um, you're looking in their direction. They know that you're looking at
them and you can start to back off and you just keep aware of where that person's at.
Now with eye contact, let's talk about body posture. So you don't want to be
making yourself small. In general, when you look at people and they're. Hunched
over. They look like they're making themselves smaller. They just seem like
they're trying to minimize themselves. I'm not saying for you to, you know,
spread yourself out all over the subway point being is roll those shoulders back.
Nothing wrong with pressing that chest out, presenting your best self, standing up
straight. All of this sends a signal that you're confident that you are strong, powerful. You don't
want to, uh, try to minimize yourself. Yeah, not a good look for most guys. And let's talk about
negative. Self-talk. So you've got this voice in your head that's always telling you you're
not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not strong enough, you don't have what it takes.
Understand this voice is actually something that has been there for
a long time. It has helped us survive. Um, human beings are naturally, I think,
a little bit pessimistic because we don't want to take too much risk. Most of those
things were truly considered a danger back then. Don't exist or we're removed from now.
So that voice is having a little, it's being overplayed. Really what you want to
ask yourself is if somebody else were to tell you, That you're not strong enough,
that you're not smart enough, how would you react? And I think for a lot of us,
we'd say to hell with that, of course I can do it. Yeah, I'm gonna prove them wrong.
Well, here's the deal. That's your voice. And simply say, you know,
I hear what you're saying and I'm gonna car compartmentalize you. I'm gonna put
you away and I'm gonna prove you wrong. And even if I fail, I will at least given it the
sacred effort. You ever heard of this? So the sacred effort is when you know you've put in.
Your best. You've given everything you got. And even if you fail,
you can rest assured knowing that, Hey, I tried my damnedest. All right gentlemen. So what video
to watch next? How about if you're struggling with loneliness? I'll talk about my story here,
how I struggled with loneliness. I'm still working to overcome it.
And uh, I think you'll enjoying this video cause there was a huge loneliness, epidemic going on
right now. And, uh, yeah, something for us to talk about. Guys. Check it out. Good video right here.