Uhhh
Uhh
That’s Robert Mueller. An attorney with decades of experience,
the second longest serving director of the FBl,
a combat veteran,
the special counsel investigating Russian interference in the election of Donald Trump,
and a Republican appointee.
This witch hunt,
could finally be wrapping up.
Mueller was born in New York City to a Navy veteran father,
working for multinational mega corporation DuPont,
and a mother descended from a robber baron era railroad executive.
His middle name is Swan.
[Swan noise]
After time at the elite private St. Paul’s school in New Hampshire,
where he’d play lacrosse and soccer with future democratic presidential candidate and Secretary of State, John Kerry.
In 1962, Mueller was named the school’s top athlete. Kerry was not.
Mueller went on to Princeton, where he’d join the University Cottage Club,
a Princeton ‘eating club,’ which is obviously a secret society.
He’d earn a masters in International Relations, and use it to relate with foreign lands:
joining the Marine Corps in the midst of the Vietnam War.
He rose in the ranks to command a rifle platoon,
and was repeatedly decorated with military awards.
He went to the University of Virginia, and earned a law degree,
jumping from a law firm to his first government job in 1976,
as a prosecutor in the U.S. Attorney’s office for San Francisco,
and would move on to do the same in Boston,
working under eventual Republican Governor and Libertarian Vice Presidential candidate William Weld.
Weld called him a “straight arrow.”
“He didn’t try to be elegant or fancy; he just put the cards on the table.”
When Weld got promoted, Mueller took his old job.
He’d hold a series of federal legal positions, and each time, he was appointed by a Republican.
He’d eventually be named the head of the Justice Department’s criminal division,
where he was widely criticized for ironing his jeans on the weekends,
He ran prosecutions of John Gotti,
and investigated the Pan Am Flight 103 bombing
and the assassination of Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega.
When President George Bush Sr. lost to President Bill Clinton in 1992,
Mueller retreated to private practice,
a pretty standard move for someone of one political party when the other takes over,
He’d leave the high-paid private law-firm world for a pay cut,
to work as a homicide prosecutor in Washington because,
as his friends say, “prosecuting was in his blood.”
They will get the cuffs slapped on them, they will go to jail, and they will serve time.
During the time he’d be described by a lawyer he went up against in court as
Another lawyer he faced said,
One colleague remembers telling Mueller that he needs to be careful with the battles he picks.
Mueller responded,
and then presumably an incredibly long, dramatic pause,
In 2001, President George W. Bush nominated Mueller as director of the FBI.
He was confirmed 98-0 in the Senate.
He would take the role on September 4th, 2001…
Just days into his tenure as FBI head, America came under attack,
[News Anchor] You can see that plane coming around the building.
He avoided the limelight, and worked his employees very hard,
instating a new 7am meeting,
and working to start using intelligence to “prevent rather than react to terrorism.”
He had knee surgery not long after the attack,
and according to James Comey,
“declined anesthesia in favor of biting on a leather belt.”
He only made a few public appearances during his time as Director,
and was known for refusing summaries of intelligence to read the whole thing.
Republican Michael Chertoff,
former head of the Department of Homeland Security said,
When Attorney General John Ashcroft was in the hospital,
Bush’s chief of staff went to his bedside to try to convince him,
in his sickly state,
to sign some documents that would’ve given the NSA some unprecedented surveillance powers.
But they were stopped by James Comey and Robert Mueller
who literally raced to the hospital, sirens and all, to stop the signing.
Mueller left FBI agents to guard the room.
They succeeded.
Afterwards, they all threatened to resign to stop the program.
Mueller also defied Bush on torture,
claiming no terror attack has ever been stopped by enhanced interrogation techniques.
He also barred FBI employees from participating in CIA torture.
Bush and Cheney confronted him on it, and he said,
Dick Cheney, unhappy at the lack of waterboarding in his country, hit back with:
President Barack Obama extended Mueller’s term,
unusual for a new president from a different party.
Said his former Deputy Director.
He eventually retired, to be replaced by none other than his homie, James Comey.
After a few more years in the private sector,
Mueller was tapped to be the… director of the FBI again.
Almost.
After firing James Comey President Trump interviewed Mueller for the role on May 16th, 2017.
He didn't get it.
But literally the very next day he did get a new job:
special counsel for the department of justice.
A special counsel is a prosecutor appointed to lead an investigation
where the party that would normally lead it would be a conflict of interest.
This particular counsel is investigating links between the Russian government
and Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign.
Mueller resigned from his private sector job,
working for a law firm that happened to represent Trump special advisor Jared Kushner,
because of the conflict of interest.
The investigation was started by James Comey’s FBI,
but handed over to a special counsel when Trump fired him.
Mueller has already charged Paul Manafort and his business partner Rick Gates,
who surrendered to the FBI.
Gates has pled guilty to Mueller, along with Michael Flynn,
former Trump campaign staffer George Papadopoulos,
and several others.
Thirteen Russian citizens have also been indicted.
So can Mueller be trusted?
Is he the justice-obsessed Republican appointee everyone he’s worked with paints him as?
Or is he a Kerry lacrosse team playing, Clinton loving, robber baron linked member of the deep state?
Only time will tell.
Unless he gets fired.