I hope I get a funny one.
Woah, this is long.
Hated my science teacher in secondary school and wrote
Mrs Lim is a f**king b*itch
On the first page of my textbook.
One day, she borrowed my textbook to read a chapter
But saw my message
And read it out in front of the class.
[Gasp]
She just shame you in front of the class.
Oh my, god. Why is she a f***king b*tch?
That one I want to know.
This one you just really very unlucky.
Of all people, she choose you.
And of all the pages in the textbook,
It is that chapter, that page.
But if let's say that teacher is really like
Like what you said "a f**king b*tch" right,
Then maybe your entire class will feel the same as you.
Then it's not so embarrassing after all.
But then I think about it, let's say if
I'm the one that's being called out right now,
Quite embarrassing.
But I think the story that I'm going to share
Is even more embarrassing.
Now that I think about it, I also want to cry.
This is one of the most embarrassing thing ever.
I hope I get Brenda's. Cannot see the name right?
Okay, smells very fresh.
I'm going to read it.
This is an essay.
I am always someone who sleeps on the bus
On the way home from school.
One fine day,
I decided to take a different bus home.
I usually will wake up naturally at my stop,
But because different bus,
So maybe different speed.
So when I woke up, I was alone on the bus.
Guess where?
Customs.
The bus uncle was like
"Ah girl, you got to bring passport or not?"
I was so flustered and embarrassed.
I just ran off the bus and heading home from there
Is another story.
She confirm drunk.
Okay, I think this one is not exactly very embarrassing.
Because I feel like,
You know, this happens to everyone.
I also have overslept till I reach the bus depot before.
So you're not alone, girl or guy.
But okay, I get why you're embarrassed.
But honestly,
Know what?
We all have been there, done that.
So don't be embarrassed about it.
It's just a bus. Lucky you never end up in Malaysia.
Oh, my god.
Okay.
Oh, what nice handwriting.
I have the-
Is this *******?
I have the habit of not wearing underwear
And things went bad.
There was once I went rock climbing with a bunch of friends,
Just so happen my pants were also torn because
Hashtag rugged.
And all they could see was the sun being eclipsed.
Because my balls were exposed
As they help me hold the ropes.
I have heard this story before.
I think I know who it is.
Actually, I am pretty sure I know who it is.
Because this person told me this story
Multiple times before.
I'm not going to say who.
I cannot relate to this because
I always wear underwear
and I have no balls.
To this person.
If you need underwear I'll buy for you.
Just holler at me. Please wear under wherever you go.
Otherwise I don't want to, you know,
One day I see your face in the newspaper.
This one.
Oh, okay. It's about dentists
All the dentist stories.
My dentist ask his assistant to suction
(The water) out of my mouth.
But I thought he was talking to me so
I sucked his finger.
I'm mortified. Woah, ew.
If I'm you I would be mortified too man. Dude.
My condolences.
Actually, have you seen on TikTok
The dentist said that they know
Whether you have done
Whatever you did last night.
[Evil laughter]
This is even worse.
That means you still go do to the dentist.
[Screaming]
I think I will change dentist if I was this person.
Yeah, I cannot see this person again,
Especially if my dentist is a guy, you know what I mean?
Never use a pick up line
Unless you are smooth with it.
So there's this girl that I really like in Polytechnic
And I dropped her text.
Hey, girl, I just want to ask you a question.
Is your dad an astronaut?
A typical reply is "What? No."
And the answer is supposed to be
You're out of this world.
But her actual reply is
Actually my dad just passed away
And I have never used a pick up line since then.
Holy snap.
Shit just got darker than outer space right there.
Wow. Okay, to use a pick up line.
Actually takes a lot of guts and balls,
So I don't think you should stop
Just because of one bad experience.
I think your pick up line is not bad, it's funny.
You have a good intention behind it.
"Because you are out of this world" that's really good.
But then again, it doesn't mean that
The girl was given birth in space
So she can still be in this world.
So the astronaut joke doesn't really hold that well.
So you need to work on the pick up line instead.
Go for something simpler, like are you a fruit or what
Because you are a 'cute-cumber' that kind of thing.
Why go until "space"?
You know, see you make yourself (sabotage).
But I do hope you continue trying pick up lines.
It's funny, I appreciate them,
Although I'm not receiving them.
The right girl will come.
The right girl will like your pick up line
And it will work out.
Give me something spicy. I want something spicy.
Oh, my god.
I confessed a close friend just to find out later that day.
He is a distant relative in my family. Shit.
[Laughing]
Oh, my god that is freaking shit you know.
I mean to be honest, I don't think this is embarrassing.
But this is just so sad, you know?
Like, especially if he reciprocated your feelings,
But it's good that you find out later that day.
That he's your distant relatives.
So, you know,
You kind of like prevent something from happening futhermore.
But actually, I don't think this is embarrassing.
Maybe the act of confessing
That you like that person
Maybe a bit embarrassing.
Especially if they reject you.
But I feel this is just so tragic, you know.
So long, it's so long. Did you see?
When I was 13,
I broke my ankle and had to have it in a cast.
The cast was on for three months plus.
And it was super itchy from time to time.
So I always use pens, rulers, etc.
To scratch my cast leg.
Then the things always drop inside lol.
I don't even know what's going to happen next.
Four months later when the doctor saw apart my cast
A whole stationery shop fell out.
Why does this sound like John?
Got pen, pen cap, rulers
About six to seven items in total.
Then he put everything in a plastic bag
And returned them to me. Lololol.
Oh, my god.
My question is, is it not uncomfortable?
To walk with the cast.
Then inside obviously got thing
You can feel against your leg.
I swear it sounds like John.
I don't remember anyone being in a cast.
The funny thing is like the doctor
Even bothered to put everything in a plastic bag and return.
Did you try smelling it.
I hope you didn't use it.
I hope you didn't go back and use the stuffs.
Because that would be nasty.
Mine is going to be pretty long.
When I was five years old.
Five years old you can remember anything?
Wait what the mad this fella.
When I was five years old,
I needed to pee very urgently
I peed in the lift in my duckling raincoat
As if it wasn't yellow enough.
[Laughing]
Yo. This is actually cute.
It's cute because you are five and you're not 15.
If you are 15 right,
And you wear duckling raincoat
And you pee in the lift, it's a little shady.
It's okay. It's okay.
This happens.
Sometimes when people keep saying they want to pee,
Then I would purposely poke them in the sides.
Just to instigate it a bit more.
Sometimes pass, sometimes fail. sometimes my friends will like
Bro, one drop come out already, stop it.
I was running about 10km one day
But I forgot that I just had Samyang an hour before.
Living life on the edge.
Halfway through my nun.
Eh, "my run", not nun
He wasn't halfway through a nun
Halfway through my run, I smelt shit.
Oh my, god.
I realised I accidentally shat my pants.
Oh, my Lord.
For a 20 plus year old, that was torture.
So I went to Esso, saw an auntie
And ask for a plastic bag.
Huh?
The auntie asked if I stepped on dog poop.
I said yes.
Firstly, you said you shat your pants.
Then why is the shit on your shoe?
Did you let it travel
All the way down to your feet?
Such that it's now on your shoe.
Of all things you can do
When you run to an Esso,
You ask for a plastic bag, yo.
Go find a toilet or something.
I don't know.
I would imagine most petrol stations have toilets.
So you ask for plastic bag.
Next course of action, I imagine
The plastic bag is used to dispose of your shorts
Or running pants or whatever, right?
Then what do you wear after that? Hello?
Unless you just put it over your pants.
You know,
Just like some captain underpants kind of vibe.
That's one way you can solve the problem,
But I don't think that's what you did.
I am very suspicious of your decision making skills.
I don't want to take the middle one.
Okay, never mind, I'm going to take the middle one.
No, okay.
Oh, shit I take already cannot put back. Okay.
We were at my grandma's funeral,
My mom couldn't make it because she was sick.
The pastor thought I was my dad's wife
And congratulated him for finding
Such a young wife.
Wait.
I think it is a possible thing to happen.
Because sometimes when I go out with my brother,
People think that I'm his wife
You know those wedding places
They will offer us wedding bridal packages.
We don't even look the same age.
He has a big beard.
Not that if you have a big beard it will make you look old.
Actually it does.
And at that point of time, I was 16.
So whoever you are
I understand. It's weird but I understand.
I was in secondary school,
Probably Sec 3 and during the 'greet teacher" part,
I stood up and then halfway through
My friend behind me
Pulled my pants down
Until my knee level
Lucky it was boxers, not underwear.
Why are you so shy to show your legs?
So I have a lot of questions.
Did your friend get into trouble?
Because you said the teacher felt bad.
But did the teacher scold the boy?
But I guess when you're in school and kids are mischievous.
I heard once that someone pulled everything.
So it was right out just flashing to everyone.
Your little thing
But this one still lucky you wearing boxers.
Not so bad.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Just sit down.
That time Jes called me out saying whatever secret
That she read was mine.
That was not me guys!
[PD] Oh, my god Sew, I thought the butt one was you
[PD] We were talking about it just now.
I know it sounds like me.
Just because I fart a lot. But it's not me.
I won't scratch my butt until inflamation guys.