Welcome Back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘I don’t feel very good’
We’re reviewing Two Lost Worlds...
Because you asked us to. Let’s keep that in mind.
‘I wouldn’t hold out a lot of false hopes’
Here’s the film’s poster...
Now nobody expects a B movie to be like it’s poster because budget limits what’s achievable,
‘I hadn’t noticed’
We know the dinosaurs will be lizards with bits stuck on,
posing as creatures from the land the Humane Society forgot.
But you do expect a poster and, indeed a title to reflect, to some extent what the movie is about!
‘I’ve done the best I could’
In this short review, we could show you all of the dinosaur footage in this movie
and still have time for me to rant about how little dinosaur footage there is in this movie!
‘That isn’t fair’
I don’t mind that it’s all been stolen from 1940’s One Million years BC.
I mind that they didn’t steal more!
‘Sounds exactly like what we need’
I mind that the characters stop to watch a dinosaur fight.
and then move on, it having put them in no danger
and having had no bearing on the plot!
I mind that this is being sold to me as a monster movie and it’s just some pirate bullshit.
‘It’s a very important voyage captain’
with footage stolen from Captain Caution
and with a propaganda sub-plot about how american men will save the world.
‘Men like young Kirk Hamilton’
and the re st of the world should be sorry they’re not America.
‘Why not organise your own militia, sir. We have in America’
and it’s worked out just brilliantly.
‘I just saw the yankee sailor sigh’
Incidentally, the other Lost World of the title, is Australia.
‘He’s from a different world.’
Although everyone speaks with an American accent.
‘An American Ship’
I think he’s supposed to be British.
‘You think so?’
I can’t be sure.
‘What do you make of it?’
There’s no plot, it’s just a series of events,
man injured in pirate battle recuperates in Australia,
gets involved in love triangle,
pirates attack, kidnap girls, men pursue,
another pirate battle, survivors wash up on island.
'On the second day they sighted land, only an island perhaps, but land.
Where the girls’ clothes swiftly deteriorate into something a bit sexier,
watch dinosaurs, get rescued thanks to the best telescope ever.
And the love triangle is resolved as love triangles always are in B movies.
‘He had a lot of courage’
‘Martin look!’
He’s dead, now we can be rescued.
‘That’s the only way it can be’
But nothing in this film is as a bad or as baffling as the narrator.
‘Geoffrey's horse as if sharing his urgency ran as if the devil himself was behind him.'
Who clearly thinks he’s doing a newsreel.
‘Here, where wild kangaroos hopped among the fields the land was forced to yield to fammer.’
and insists on telling us stuff we can see.
‘From a clearing, the smoking crater of a volcano was seen towering against the sky’
I know you don’t have a lot respect for your audience but I can spot the volcano!
‘But Wait! Was it a mirage or did that dark spot in the distance mean vegetation’
'Or trees, it must be. And trees mean freash water.'
Although he does occasionally hit the nail on the head.
‘The long day dragged on, seemingly without an end’
I don’t think I’d hate this film as much as I do, if it hadn’t lied to me.
‘I must have seemed rather awful’
But the bottom line remains, it’s mysterious Island without Ray harryhausen.
Do you really want to watch that?!
‘5 minutes ago I might have’
Thanks for watching what film has the most misleading poster let us know in the comments below
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