If you want to be more of a priority to the man in your life, then this is the
video for you. In it, I'm going to be giving you five steps to get the guy to
make you a priority. Whether you've just started dating him right through to
a long-term committed relationship. Don't forget as well, my book,
Make Him Yours Beating The Odds of Modern Dating will be released online
this December 12th (2019) and for the first 48 hours only, it's going to be just 99
cents. But you have to be on the mailing list to get it.
So make sure you download the first chapter of my book free
from the link in the description, so you can be on the mailing list.
Hit the subscribe button with the little bell, so you get the notifications for
future videos. And I'll see you for the steps to get the guy to make you a
priority right after this.
[Music playing]
You deserve to be a priority in the life of the guy that you are seeing.
But a lot of women come to me not feeling that way.
So here's the five steps to make it happen.
Number one, get clarity on what being a priority looks like.
I used to think this is kind of a silly exercise until I realized the power of
writing things down. I recommend pausing the video right now and
taking 10 minutes to write down what clearly being a priority looks
like to you in your life with the guy you want to see.
If you're watching on your phone, just pause the video for a second.
Go to your notes and write a few notes about what being a priority actually
looks like. Writing it down helps you visualize the gap between where you
are and where you want to be.
Done that? Awesome!
Now check over and make sure it's reasonable. Have a look back over it
and say, if my friend showed me this, would I think she was being
reasonable, maybe show it to a friend. See if it's reasonable.
As long as your expectations are reasonable, you've now completed
step one, you know, you know clearly what being a priority needs to look
like and what you're moving towards.
Step number two, shift your locus of control internally.
So many, many women come to me and they say,
"Mark, how do I change the guy to get the guy to make me a priority?
How do I get him to change?"
And it leaves them feeling incredibly frustrated and helpless because
you can't. You can never change anyone.
You can inspire them to change themselves, but ultimately that is a
helpless situation. You have no control over how someone treats you.
So shift your thinking instead of asking, how do I change this guy so he makes
me a priority, ask yourself, 'How do I change myself so he makes me a
priority?" By shifting your locus of control internally, you now have the
power to make the change happen and become a priority in his life.
Step number three, and this is the most challenging one, luckily for you
and many empaths, is give yourself permission.
So many of us feel like we don't deserve to be a priority.
We find situations we accept where we're not a priority because frankly,
being a priority makes us uncomfortable. I've felt the same thing.
Wayne Dyer has a very famous saying, which is simply, "I'm allowed."
And I know in my own life when I finally allowed myself to be a priority,
it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
You're allowed to embrace healthy, set, healthy selfishness.
You're allowed to say, f*ck that, I deserve to be a priority.
You're allowed to push people away who don't make you a priority,
but it can initially be very uncomfortable doing so. Initially, when someone's
making you a priority, you, you get questions like, do I deserve this?
Is this person being needy? Is this too full on?
It can be a really new experience to your nervous system, to be a priority
in someone's life and the old comfortable experience of not being a priority can
sit there for years, sometimes decades without changing.
So you need to give yourself internally the permission you have to say,
"I'm allowed. I'm going to do this. This is okay.
It's okay for me to demand this of myself. I can be a priority."
It has to change in here before it changes out there.
Step number four, have the conversation.
Now, you've given yourself internal permission.
It's time to take action on the outside so it can feed back in.
Now, exactly what you do is going to depend on your situation.
If you've only been on one date with a guy, it could be a text as simple as,
"Hey, I get the vibe you've got heaps going on at the moment, but I did have
heaps of fun hanging out. If you want to make the time to hang again,
I'd love to see you. If not, totally all good." If you've been stuck in a booty call type
situation with a guy who you feel is not making you a priority, then you
might sit down and have a more serious conversation.
You sit down with him and you say, "Hey, look, I super value and
appreciate you. But at the same time, I've realized that what we have now
isn't what I want for my life long-term.
So even though it's been fun doing what we're doing, I know that I really need a
man who's all in and all out. So I wanted to tell you this because if that's
not you, you know I need, I need to let you know I'll be putting some boundaries
in place around that."
Great.
It's done, and you can let the go aside. If he wants to step up to making you
a priority, we'll step out of your life.
Or if you've been in a longer term relationship, if you've been in a
committed relationship with a man's not making you a priority, then you've
got to sit down, have the conversation and make the stuff you do a priority
in your own life too.
A combination of you prioritizing more of your own things.
Having increased conversations like this where you say,
"Hey, look, this is, this is long-term not something I'm going to accept
and I've made this decision."
There might be more conversations in a long-term relationship where
you guys see a counsel or relationship psychologist, but the guy needs to
know that you are serious, that that needle has started moving and that
you have set a new standard where you are a priority in your life.
Which brings me to number five, take necessary action.
Men only respect standards that they believe will be executed on,
so whatever your standard is, even if you're at the very beginning and
delivering a standard playfully, the reason a guy respects that standard is
he gets the feeling that at the end of the tunnel there will be action if he doesn't
comply. So if the situation doesn't stop meeting your standards and if you don't
feel like a priority, it's time to action on your words with the guy who you had
to text and you send that text to the first date, it'd be as simple as just
not replying and walking away. With the booty call, it would be saying,
"Hey, well if you're not going to commit, let's do some no contact for three
to six months."
With the relationship person, it would be saying, "Hey, we're going to this counselor
because I'm not, I'm not okay staying with the way it is and I'm willing to end this
eventually if something doesn't improve and if I don't see action to improve
this relationship." Wherever you are in the sequence and wherever you are with
the guy will depend on the exact action, but there will be necessary action you
must take at the end of the tunnel that the guy feels you will take, you're willing
and able to take to become a priority to him. And make sure you get clear
on what being a priority looks like.
Give yourself permission to do it and then action on it.
The system will work in any situation where you want to be a priority.
Now, don't forget on December 12th, my book will be launching for just 99
cents and if you want to get it for that price, you have to be on the mailing
list to get the notifications and you can do that by downloading the first
chapter absolutely free.
Make sure you hit the subscribe button with the little bell.
Follow along on Insta for behind the scenes and I'll see you in the
next video real soon.