God created the Bike and the Sidecar
Very quickly on the 8th day,
because God already got everything
and he was bored,
like Adam and his apple by the way
God created the bike
to break the boredom
of this little world.
The Bike was fabulous,
the human felt good
and moreover free
to go anywhere he wanted.
Actually, not in the beginning,
God made a huge mistake.
Bikes only have 2 wheels
and honestly at that time
the fossil energies
were not discovered,
bikes were very risky.
So yes, Adam was stubborn
and warlike.
He kept trying riding
on this spellbinding 2 wheel,
but without any success.
Looking at that dummy Adam in trouble,
God took another initiative.
He added a basket and a third wheel
to create what he named a “side car”.
But it was still tricky for Adam.
As God was not nasty,
he took another initiative
but it was still tricky.
Adam felt again bored.
So, God thought …
and in his extreme kindness,
he made THAT!
And as he knew that
Adam did not like to be alone,
he found a loyal road mate
with after some tries.
A dog, hmm too loyal,
A parrot?
No, too talkative as Eve.
With a billy goat?
No, too sexy and
too much temptation.
So with who?
Oh yes, a monkey!
It was perfect.
Why did God not think about it earlier?
As we just told you,
several centuries after that famous
chapter narrated in the Bible,
we wanted to meet
this intriguing community,
the side car and their monkey.
A machine that is still not “Catholic”,
willing to go straight
when you wanna turn,
or willing to turn
when you wanna go straight.
To better understand the phenomenon,
we pushed the self sacrifice in joining
the Dark Dog Moto Tour 2012,
riding a DJ Sport hitched up
to a R1 cross plane.
We loaded the “wheelbarrow”
and flied like gulls to the picturesque
town of Val de Reuil.
I say “us” ‘cos I talked
about my monkey and me.
Ohh, Laurent, take off your pants.
Olivier Rahan, son of Craon
Every morning, he woke up
and walked to the stall.
It was very useful as
he was in charge
of the navigation.
I quickly understood that
the side car teammates
were an abused animals
and were often put on the side.
Wake up at 4 am
like any bikers;
he has to leave last
whatever is the global result.
Someone put a cardboard inside,
they thought it was a trash can Lolo.
Several riding hours later,
we arrived at Carole’s racetrack,
place of the first stage.
We can notice that
the 2 wheel bikers were panicking
when they realized
that the track was wet.
If I succeed to leave tomorrow,
I would be happy.
Did you finish whining?
Pilots are like that.
A good pilot is a pilot who complains.
Once the light went green,
in the first round of the motorcycles,
some pulled themselves together
and did not let go beside
very tricky conditions.
Behind, among the standard guys,
we noticed different styles.
The dude with a hoodie,
the dude with a beemer R 1200 GS
but on a global point of view,
the race on only 2 wheel
appealed to boredom
until the so expected
appearance of the sidecars.
You see, us the sidecars guys,
we don’t care
if the track is wet or dry.
With a side, we crack it.
Moreover, as we left the last ones,
the track was dry.
With a side,
even standard dudes
give a good show.
We went back to
the ugly town of Val de Reuil.
Maybe the race organizer forgot
his mobile phone over there?
In that new stage,
bikers were not riding really cleanly.
I don’t know why,
but their trajectories
were hesitating, shaking.
Even if it was dry,
something was holding them.
They were scared.
Yes, they were scared.
With the sidecars,
there were no hesitations.
The tires were screeching,
repainting the white lines in black
when they opened it in big.
Well, the show was a success.
On the 2nd stage, we won.
I don’t tell you the faces
of the other sidecar competitors.
Some are offended.
I don’t feel like to smile,
they kicked my ass.
Others were stressed
because of our performance.
They were thinking about
adding a turbo
or a volumetric compressor
in order to beat us
at the next stage.
So, they all started to do mechanics
with fakes reasons.
You see, we had
a technical malfunctioned,
the hand brake was over inflated,
the super bolt was loose
or others bullshit excuses.
The next day,
around Bessé sur Bray Village,
the rain was back.
Bikers again acted
like virgins and pussies.
Only Lionel Richier on
his Kawasaki 1000 Versys dares.
He almost deserved to do
the Dark Moto Tour riding a side car.
But the other dudes,
look at them.
They faked to master
and do some gardening
on the side of the road.
I opened my visor
to take a breath
cos I am scared
or others sweep the visor.
At least, it made the spectators
smile in these gloomy remote lands
with little sun.
What these bikers mean
by extending their foot?
A need to have a third support,
maybe one more wheel.
So, a side car!
Precisely, look at the ease,
the cleanliness of these attacks.
With a side,
you see, you just need
to adjust the high
of the blade to mow
only what is necessary
while you can wave
to the crowd.
Check that out!
hop, only over the tuft.
A maneuver which requires
high mastering techniques.
For us, at that stage,
we only made the 28th overall
and made 5th of the side cars.
With my monkey,
we made a perfect couple.
His driving made me all soaked
and he did not even
give me a cookie.
He only told me,
2 Km right,
straight at the round about,
take the arrow on the right,
it was enough.
You could have told me
a story or sang a song.
On the next stage (Angers Town)
which was still as wet,
the solo bikers started to give
a smile like Bouan, Gines, Tonuitti,
Four, Richier and they made the show.
But the other guys did
another kind of style
quite differently.
They were fed up
of the skilled side car pilots
so they tried to have
something more creatively.
Here, I lose the rear a little,
here I lose the front.
Here, I almost went into the wood.
Here, I really go into the woods.
Here, I lose both front and rear.
Ok, we smiled but
that one could have been bad
'cos of the missing protection
on the side of the road.
They tried to seduce the crowd
but it was not enough
compared to the awesome side cars show.
The difference between bikes and side
showed up not only
during the stages
but also during
the long link stage.
It represented 350 to 500 Km a day.
Hopefully, the average
speed was reduced
from 60 to 55 km/h.
Otherwise, I don’t know how
solo bikers could have made it.
The roads were full of leaves,
the bikers were in distress.
Nicely, we put pressure on them,
but not too much either
'cos the pilot of the side cars
is in charge of the safety
and the comfort of his monkey.
So like that,
the pilot only caressed
the throttle to allow his monkey
to focus on the navigation.
A huge feeling of harmony
and brotherhood
invaded the team.
U turn Duch bag!
Moreover you are too slow.
Every 2 hours,
we needed a break
we were to be together.
Such a harmony made
the community gave us
a nice nickname.
At the beginning,
it was Tic and Tac
and after it became Backpack.
You are here?
Yes, I am here.
Here!
No ,the other side.
Give me a small wrench Lolo.
We were real buddies
and inseparable
but it was not without disadvantages.
Please, give me the toilet paper.
Why?
No, not that!