- Hey, hey greeny weenie, hey!
- I'm sorry, what?
- Hey!
- What?
- Hey!
- What do you want?
- Why are you vegging out on that chair? (laughs)
- I am sitting here, just as any
normal fruit or vegetable would because
that's what I am completely normal.
- I don't know, my buddies and I usually
hang out on the counter, not a chair.
- I do not wish to discuss this
any further, end communicate.
- Okay but if somebody decides to use
that chair you're gonna be in deep sit. (laughs)
- Enough of this attempted humor.
I am Mark Zucchiniberg.
I am a real zucchini, I founded the popular
website Foodbook and did I mention that I am
a real zucchini and definitely not a--
- Computer?
- Who told you I am a computer?
Was it Bill Grapes because he's a liar.
- No one, you just have some microchips
poking out of your buttflap there. (laughs)
- You saw nothing, do you understand, nothing!
- Got it, I definitely didn't not see nothing.
- Wait, are you saying you saw something
or did you not see something?
- No, I never didn't not see nothing, no sir. (laughs)
- My eight core processor, I mean my brain
is having difficulty comprehending
these things you are saying.
- Listen, Mark, it couldn't not be
simpler, I didn't never never never,
no way, no how, not see nothing. (laughs)
- Let us move on.
- Yeah, the conversation's kinda losing its spark. (laughs)
- Tell me, do you use Foodbook?
- Duh, everyone in the kitchen uses Foodbook.
I use it for the teeth whitening filter, see?
- My ocular receptors, I mean my eyes.
- Oh hey, you got some microchips
coming out of your butt again.
- Again, I had that latch fixed just last week.
- Oh man, that's a real bummer. (laughs)
Look at your bum.
- Look, just answer some questions, let me harvest the data,
so I can better serve you some advertisements
and I will be on my way.
(burps)
First, what are some of your hobbies?
Foodbook wants to know the types
of activities its users enjoy.
- Mostly nya-nya-nyaing.
- Not computing, what is that?
- And touching my tongue to my eye--
- What?
- And burping on my friends when they're not expecting it.
(laughs)
(burps) (screams)
(laughs)
- I think I have heard enough.
- Oh, and I also like playing football.
- Oh, that seems quite normal.
- Yeah, you wanna play?
I've almost finished with my football!
If you see any feet lying around,
just stick 'em to the ball!
- This cannot be normal behavior.
- Whatchu talkin' 'bout?
All real foods do stuff like this
but you know that right 'cause you are a real food, right?
- Yes, yes, I am a real food and I believe you.
Football is a very popular sport that I
as a real food, enjoy very much indeed.
- That's more like it.
I say anyone who doesn't like football is a heel!
(laughs)
- Ha, tell me, which Foodbook features,
in your opinion, could be improved upon?
- I do wish the teeth whitening
filter could get my teeth a little whiter--
- No!
(laughs)
- Well there is this one thing, sometimes I get
the feeling that other foods on the site are, well bots.
- You mean?
- Like, I think they might not be real foods.
I think they're robots.
- Ha, you make me laugh. (laughs)
I am sure that every food on Foodbook is 100% real.
We do not have bots capable of behaving like real foods.
- Yeah, but--
- Let us move on from all this robot talk.
It is making my CPU nervous.
- Okay, but--
- Look, I said let us move on!
- No, butt!
- Oh, I see, thank you.
Now, are there any other Foodbook
features you would like to--?
- No, butt!
(screams)
- I told you not to stand there!
Are you gonna explode?
- [Mark] I am not going to explode.
I am a real vegetable and--
- Dude, give it up.
(sighs)
- [Mark] All right, yes, I am a robot
but I assure you I am not going to explode unless
my sparks touch something extremely flammable.
(farts)
(screams)
(explosion roars)
(bright music)