Hi I’m Nadine Piat from Healthy You Healthy Love, I’m a coach for smart savvy women looking for united,
sexy love and in this video I’m going to share the one word you need to master to get
the love you truly desire…
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in their love life.
So what is this word, and why is it so powerful?
Well it’s so powerful because many women don’t use it enough and is the very word
they need to use to create lasting devotion and true partnership - it’s only two letters
yet often times not so easy to say...
Here it is… are you ready?
If you want to experience united love it’s important to know how to say NO to a man without
feeling guilty.
In dating, in a relationship, and in life overall, the dance between saying yes and
no can be the difference between living a life feeling short-changed and resentful,
or living a life feeling confident, empowered, and truly loved for the real you.
Most of the time it’s easy to blame others for how our life turns out, and yet, these
two simple words, yes and no, are the levers between your misery and happiness -- and this
is a lever no one can control except for you.
BUT the big truth is, most of us “know better”, and yet still find ourselves saying yes when
we really want to say no.
For example: Has someone ever asked you to see a horror movie in the evening that you
know sees you feeling anxious and stops you from sleeping, you didn’t want to watch
it but you did anyway and didn’t sleep all night.
Or maybe you date men who don’t treat you with kindness and you just keep taking what
they’re giving, you don’t say no, you keep settling for the crumbs on offer.
Or maybe your man has some sexual interests that you do not enjoy and yet you go along
with it, even though it’s not pleasurable for you.
Or maybe you pretend to like music or food that don’t make you feel good and you just
keep pretending that you’re “cool” with it.
Some of these things may seem small, some not, and yet they’re all significant as
every time we go against our values we go against ourselves, which only has one outcome…
unhappiness.
Because you can’t feel inner peace and happiness when you’re out of integrity, instead resentment
builds, distrust in ourselves, and even shame.
So let’s get into it...
Why you don’t say NO?
If you’re not used to saying no then it can be terribly confronting and even scary
to do so.
To help you identify why you tend to push that lever too often in the direction of yes,
instead of no, here are the most common reasons
You lack clarity - Because some of us were conditioned from a young age to suppress what
we value, or we never consciously learned what we value, we’re not able to be assertive.
We lack clarity in who we are and what truly matters to us.
Next is...
You Believe Mediocre is Better Than Nothing - Often times the decisions you make in a
relationship can have permanent and long lasting repercussions.
Just the thought of that can lead to feeling too afraid to say anything in fear of making
irreversible changes that you might regret in the future
That is why when we’re attached to an outcome saying a simple “no” can become
the most difficult thing you can do.
A lot of people resort to becoming a “Yes Man” or Yes woman because they think being
miserable and in a relationship is better than being authentic and honest and single.
The reality is - we owe it to our partners to be more proactive in making decisions and
dictating what is and isn’t okay, you’d be surprised that many people will step up
and honour your request.
The ones that don’t are probably not the right person for you.
Relationships are about give and take… not all give, give, give or take, take, take.
If your partner or a friend can’t work with you then that’s good information to know.
All relationships take some investment.
The next point is...
You say yes to avoid conflict - While you might think that rarely or never saying no
might lead to a more “peaceful” and therefore “happier” relationship, what this actually
does is undermine your voice and your role in the relationship.
This leads to a gradual build up of resentment and even animosity from your side or between
the two of you that if left unchecked could spell the end of your romance.
Next is... you don’t believe you’re enough or that you’re deserving of your relationship wants and needs
When we’re so scared of being rejected, we can find ourselves saying yes to something
we really don’t want to do or accept.
We become pleasers and essentially a doormat.
This comes back to our sense of worth.
When we don’t believe we are worthy in some way we have loose personal boundaries.
Next is... You’re a people pleaser in relationships You don’t say no because you fear that
you’re not being cool, accommodating or agreeable enough.
For example for me, my role in my family was the good child so to say no meant that I wasn’t
being agreeable and my worth felt linked to helping and doing things “right” to support
others.
My life seemed easier being accommodating, getting things “right”, and helping.
Sure, these traits aren’t all terrible, they can be beneficial, well, that is until
you’re living your life pleasing others and not looking after your own needs.
To say no can feel terrifying, especially when upsetting people can feel like you're
the worst person in the world, but the people that matter, people that matter to you, they
will work with you as a team, even if it takes a few goes or a few reminders.
Now to support you with this I’d love to share my free gift, Word Poison, I reveal
the most common do’s and don’ts when communicating and working with your man.
Check out the link below in the description to get your free gift!
Once you know the 16 words and phrases to avoid using when dealing this sticky situations
and conflict, you’ll be able to share your NOs with confidence and clarity.
How to say NO when you’re scared to
If your worth is tied to how others perceive you in life then you’re going to struggle
to feel empowered, confident, and in alignment with what truly matters to you, and not just
with men, will all people.
The most important thing in life is to know that we cannot please everyone and we certainly
cannot please ourselves on a deeper level while we believe that other people's needs
and wants come before our own.
Further to what I previously said, if you want to speak up for yourself you have to
be okay with the idea that not all people will be okay with you saying NO, that’s
how you work out who are your people and who are not.
We don’t all resonate on the same frequency.
That’s okay.
Saying no without feeling guilty or to say no with confidence is to know your WHY?
Why do I want to say no?
Am I saying no to be difficult or am I saying no as someone has crossed a boundary?
Am I saying no because I’m being lazy or am I saying no for the greater good of the
relationship?
Am I saying no because I want to punish my partner or am I saying no because if I don’t
I will feel like I’m selling my soul.
It really all comes down to your core values and how you perceive your worth.
To create the life we want, we have to love ourselves and this means making uncomfortable
decisions at times.
If you’re dating a man and he doesn’t care that you don’t want to watch a horror
movie at night then that is important information.
He could watch the movie another time and instead find something to watch that you both
like.
If you tell your partner that it doesn’t feel good to you that he makes plans and cancels
them most the time at the last minute, or he doesn’t show up at all, and he then tells
you that you’re being demanding for having some values around this, then this is useful
information.
He’s not a man of his word and he clearly doesn’t have room for intimate and mindful
partnership.
It doesn’t make him a bad guy, he’s a guy with different values.
Good to know.
Not everyone is able to do partnership.
If someone does not honour and respect your NO - you must know with every cell of your
body that this doesn’t make you less worthy of love, this doesn’t make you unloveable,
this is simply information about someone’s ability to show up in a romantic relationship.
Number 3: Finding the WORDS to say NO
Saying no is as simple as just that: saying no.
Well, that’s not completely true, it’s hard to say no when you’re not used to it,
It’s easy to stumble and give in to your old ways, particularly if you feel cornered
or pressured to be cooperative.
So stay with me as I’m about to give you some dialogue to help you in the moment.
One of the easiest ways to start learning to say no is to do so indirectly and gently.
Saying not is not supposed to be the trigger for a fight, it’s simply a way to honour
your values.
Some people when they learn to say no, or finally find the courage to do so, they can
come across as quite aggressive or argumentative, this is not what I would recommend as it creates
more problems.
Here are some examples of the gentle no…
If you’re put on the spot and you don’t want to say no there and then, you can say
this and then let them know later that you can’t do something.
This is helpful when you’re new to saying no.
Some examples are
Or you still say no, but you present it first with some levity
Or sometimes you're happy to do something. It's NOT a no, though it's a NO a the time of request.
You can respond in this kind of way
I’d be very happy to help you with that, today won’t work, though I can help you on the
weekend.
So there you have it!
Those are my top tips on how to learn how to say “no” and its importance in a relationship.
Always remember that knowing when and why you should say no is vital in asserting your
values not sacrificing your sense of self to the relationship.
Now to make all of that easier for you, my program Never Lose Him will perfectly help
you to identify and get your values met so that you can FINALLY create magnetic love.
I reveal some tools to help you rise above communication challenges and insecurities
fast.
I’ll also teach what I call the LIPS method and the emotional barrier eliminator (EBE).
These methods will help you to feel empowered with a man and help you to dissolve a man’s
resistance to intimacy with you.
If you haven't got it yet the link to Never Lose Him is right below in the description.
And that’s all I have time for today.
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Navigating this modern dating world isn’t easy so spread the love by supporting a friend
who might struggle with the importance of learning when to say “no” to actually
create the love they deserve.
Of course if you wanna connect with me further you can find me on Facebook and
Instagram is my mine place these days my tag is @NadinePiat.
Thank you for being here with me, I value you, and I look forward to seeing you again
at my next hot topic.