Yeah, I'll let you in on a little secret.
I've, um- I've actually got a girl back home.
Oh, yeah? Girlfriend or wife?
No, man, she's just my girlfriend, you know.
We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out and-
Ah, you know how it works.
Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
I'm not gonna get married.
My dad always said,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Hey, rookie,
Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
No, I think he called her a slut.
I'll tell you what, newb,
I can sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long,
but as it turns out, I've got a lot more important job for you to do.
Great.
See, we've got this general,
Right, the general guy.
Who likes to come by and make random inspections in bases.
So, what I'm going to have you do,
is I'm going to have you go in the base,
and stand right next to the flag in attention
just in case he decides to come by.
When is he coming by?
We never know, it could be today, it could be a week from now.
You want me to stand in attention for a week?
You know, you don't sound very grateful.
This is the most important job at the whole base.
You're going to be right there with the flag.
What's so important about the flag?
Oh, c'mon, don't they teach you guys anything in training?
They didn't tell us anything about a flag.
Why is it so important?
Because it's the flag, man.
You know, it's the- it's the flag. It's-
Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Well, it's- it's complicated.
Uh... it's blue... we're blue...
It's just important, okay? Trust us.
So when the general comes by,
the first thing he's gonna wanna do is inspect the flag.
Right.
So, just... go in there, you know, far away from us,
and wait for him.
Uh, how will I know when I see him?
There's only three of us out here, rookie.
He's going to be the guy who doesn't look like one of us.
Now get in there, and don't come out!
Man, that guy is dumber than you are.
You mean he's dumber than you are.
Wow, Tucker, that was a great comeback.
Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?
Oh my God... what?!
Tucker, I swear I'm going to kill him.
Sorry about calling your girl a slut.
Rookie! Shut up! Just shut up!
You're driving me crazy! Get in there!
-Laughing-
Tucker, are you laughing at me?
Excuse me, sir? Can I ask you a question?
Dear God in heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside
I- I can't be held responsible for what I'm going to do to you!
What did I do?
One.
Aw, give me a break.
Two.
Fine.
Wow, you got here fast.
Why is everybody so fricking rude in this canyon?
I'm not, sir, what can I do for ya'?
Finally, someone with a little respect around here.
Yes, sir! I assume you're here becasuse of this.
Wait, is this all you have?
Uh, yes, sir, that's it.
Aw, man, this figures. Shit.
What about elbow grease?
Um...
Headlight fluid?
No, all we have is this flag.
Well, I can't go back empty handed.
I guess I'll take that.
Sure, that makes sense. I guess.
Man, they're going to give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag.
Well, enough gabbing out of us,
let's take this bad boy out for a spin.
Go ahead and hop in, Tucker.
Me? I can't drive that thing!
You're telling me you're not armor certified?
I can't- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle!
Don't you know how to drive that?
No!
Holy crap! Who is running this army?!
Hey! Just wanted to let you know,
the general stopped by and picked up the flag.
Yeah, okay, whatever, moron.
Why would they give us a tank if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing?
Wait a second.
What did he just say?