My wife doesn't want to be
intimate anymore. My name is Paul
Friedman. I founded The Marriage
Foundation
and I'm going to try to help you with
this.
I also apologize if you can hear the
background,
it's raining so
hopefully, I'll be loud enough so that's
not a disturbance.
If your wife doesn't want to be intimate
anymore, what you're really saying
because you're a man as your wife
doesn't want to have sex with you
and there's different reasons
for this. There are some that are
superficial but
important and then there's the deeper
reasons that are much more important
and probably exist regardless.
So let's talk about the superficial
reasons first
because like I say, and I'm just going to
give you a checklist.
We're not going to spend a lot of time
on it and then we're going to go
into what I think is much more important.
Number one,
do you just rush her into it? Because
women are not like men
very few. They don't get horny and want
to
jump in the rack. It isn't like in the
movies.
A woman's idea of
pre-sex is
talking, being heard, eye contact,
engaging so she can relax
her natural biologically induced
barriers for her protections.
And then moving into
sex based on love, not based
on physical desire. This is a huge
difference between a man
and a woman typically is that
men want to get off. Women
want to be held and connect and
this is usually the biggest problem
and the biggest reason, the superficial
reason.
Then there's another number two is
cleanliness. It's not
like women like the Tarzan smell.
When I was a kid that was
like
a thing that kids, male kids understood
that women like
a man how he smells after gym class.
It isn't true.
Women want you to have a clean body
to smell nice, to be clean,
have your teeth brushed, your hair
should be nice, you should be clean
shaven
unless you have a beard it should be
properly
trimmed and like that. So
that's number two. Number three is it
shouldn't follow any kind of argument.
Intimacy does not come after
an argument. This idea of makeup sex is
BS. It's just not true, it's not realistic
going back to point number one.
There's a few other things
the time and place.
Most women are exhausted at the end of
the day
and contrary to what most people say.
Well,
you know you should try and plan it for
another time, that's nonsense. It doesn't
matter if she's tired.
If you approach it correctly she'll be
untired
so it's a matter of learning how to
engage
sexually with your wife on a different
level.
A level of intimacy which brings us
into the much more important aspects of
this
and the reality of it.
So having sex
is biologically driven
but that gets rather old
because what happens is
we have this expectation that is
realistic
of connecting and sex
should be used as a connection
between two souls. That's its
purpose for human beings, not
entertainment, not to get off
not as fun and
all that stuff. People who do that
end up draining themselves, they end up
experimenting with
multiple partners even going to swinging
clubs
and it just sucks the life out of you.
All those things
end tragically. Trust me, I've been at
this for
20 years. I've never heard
of a couple going to swinging parties
whose marriages last. Because it means
that they don't see sex correctly.
The reason they don't see sex correctly
in the context of
marriage is because no one has ever
taught this.
We don't learn when we're kids that
we're souls who have a body and a mind
or any of the good stuff that falls
under
that big umbrella so here's the deal.
Marriage has a couple of promises
that are attached to it. One is for
increasing happiness on a daily basis.
That's one of the promises of marriage.
You got married to be happy
and the other is that you would feel
unconditional love or marital love
however, you want to
call it. But a love where the heart opens
it's not in the mind, it's in the heart.
If you understand these two principles
which most people don't,
then you can plan your marriage,
plan your actions, plan your efforts
and also be aware of things that would
undermine
happiness and love. And then you could
have a great marriage
but we're not taught these things.
So usually. women
are not interested in intimacy anymore
because it's
not intimacy. It's become
sex, and sex
by itself gets old.
Sorry, it does. On the other hand
if you know what you're doing, I can
promise
you that you will have more sex than you
know what to do with.
But getting there from here
requires step one, acknowledging that you
never
knew these things that I just mentioned
and that you should learn them. And two
progressing in the direction, you're a
human being you don't change like that,
and progressing in the right direction.
Now don't get scared.
I don't mean this is going to take you
10 years to get there.
It's not like becoming a saint. Once you
start
moving in the right direction, the
results
come fairly quickly
so you got to do something about it. Now
at your stage, I got a couple of books
that are great but they're not going to
help you.
They'll help you understand the things
you're doing wrong
and how to communicate better, and what
marriage is all about
and all of that. But if you're already at
this stage, your marriage is
breaking down and that's why we have the
course for women,
and the course for men. And obviously in
your case
the course for men which is truly just a
self-help course to help you become
yourself but a higher self,
and then you can start impacting
your marriage, your wife and getting more
than you think you want right now.
Because once you start getting happier
every single day of your life,
once you start experiencing real love
it changes the game because we're not
taught this stuff.
We're taught such a material existence
that your life is based on what you do
for a living, how many cars you have
whether you have a boat,
whether you go hunting, whether you go to
Vegas, all these things
which don't really affect
our heart and our happiness.
So that's it. Now, if you could go down
that first list
and go, "Yeah, I don't take care of myself
well enough. I don't listen to her.
I don't
do any of that stuff." Great, but
get into the deeper part. You will be
so glad that you did.
Hopefully, this was helpful. Blessings to
you,
your wife, your family. Like this video
subscribe so you can learn more about
marriage.
Share it and take care, and thank you for
spending
some time with me!