>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR MOST
FAMOUSLY KNOWN AS FILLIAM FROM "FILLIAM H. MUFFMAN."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" WILLIAM H. MACY.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: MILK TBABY, MILK IT.
NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> GOOD TO BE SEEN.
I LOVE WHAT YOU DO, MAN.
YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH.
>> Stephen: OH, I LOVE WHAT YOU DO.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> NOTHING TO IT.
>> Stephen: NOTHING TO IT?
OH, WOW, YOU'RE JUST FAKING IT?
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT ACTORS DO, THEY'RE JUST FAKING IT.
>> IT'S ABOUT BEING TRUTHFUL AND ONCE YOU LEARN TO FAKE THAT, YOU
CAN HAVE A CAREER.
>> Stephen: AS I INTIMATED IN THE INTRODUCTION WITH "FILLIAM
H. MUFFMAN," YOU ARE HALF OF AMERICA'S FAVORITE CELEBRITY
COUPLE, YOU AND YOUR LOVELY WIFE, POLICE TEE HUFFMAN, RIGHT
HERE.
HERE ARE YOU.
( APPLAUSE )
GOLDEN GLOBES THIS YEAR.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IS THAT AS FUN AS IT SOUNDS TO BE ABLE TO GO OUT
AND DO THAT?
BECAUSE AWARDS SHOWS CAN BE KIND OF A DRAG SOMETIMES.
BUT IF YOU GET TO DO IT WITH YOUR LOVED ONE, THAT MUST BE
NICE.
>> ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE WEARING THAT DRESS.
>> Stephen: I KNOW, COME ON.
>> WE HAD FUN AT THE GLOBES AND MY DAUGHTER, SOFIA, CAME WITH US
AND MADE IT REALLY SPECIAL.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD IS SHE?
>> SHE'S 18.
AND IN THE BIZ.
I'M HERE BECAUSE SHE JUST AUDITIONED FOR N.Y.U.
SHE DID THE COLLEGE TOUR.
>> Stephen: SHE'S INTERESTED IN STUDYING PERFORMANCE.
>> YUP.
SHE'S IN THE TRIBE, AND I'VE SEEN HER.
SHE'S GOOD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.
I ENJOY TAKING MY CHILDREN TO AWARD SHOWS BECAUSE THEY SEE IT
WITH FRESH EYES.
I TOOK MY 11-YEAR-OLD TO THE EMMYS, MY SON JOHN, AND HE SAID,
"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS FUN."
>> AND YOU SAID, "I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS."
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT CAN BE NERVE-RACKING FOR HER.
DO YOU AUDITION FOR N.Y.U.?
IS THERE AN AUDITION PROCESS?
>> A LOT OF THEM.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GIVE HER ADVICE BECAUSE YOU WHEN YOUR
WIFE ARE BRILLIANT ACTORS.
DO YOU SAY, "THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD DO THE PERFORMANCE?"
>> WE DO.
ON THE WAY TO N.Y.U., SHE TURNED TO US AND SAID, "NO MORE ADVISE
VAES.
NO MORE NOTES.
I'M DONE."
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> THAT'S YOUR CUE TO BACK OFF.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU DONE THAT TO A DIRECTOR?
HAVE YOU DONE THAT TO A DIRECTOR BEFORE?
"I GOT THIS ONE."
>> I THINK I SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT BEFORE.
YES.
"I'VE GOT AN IDEA-- WHAT IF I ACTED."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
UH-HUH.
>> I DON'T WORK A LOT.
>> Stephen: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR WOODWORK BEFORE.
ARE YOU STILL DOING THE WOODWORKING.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU HELPED BUILD OR REBUILD OR RECREATE YOUR
WIFE'S HOUSE IN COLORADO, RIGHT?
>> SHE GREW UP IN COLORADO IN THIS WONDERFUL HOME, AND THROUGH
A LUCKY CHAIN OF EVENTS, WE BOUGHT THE HOUSE.
IT WAS A MESS, SO WE REBUILT IT.
BUT WE BUILT THE SAME HOUSE AGAIN.
AND I JUST LOVE IT.
WE WERE THERE FOR CHRISTMAS.
>> Stephen: SO ARE YOU GUYS-- ARE YOU-- LIKE, YOU'RE IN
COLORADO.
ARE YOU SKIERS?
DO YOU LIKE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME THERE?
THE KIDS SKI AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> THEY SKI, YES.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
>> ONE TIME A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO I WAS FEELING-- I THINK THE
WORD IS "COCKY."
AND I SAID, "I'M TAKING THE GIRLS SKIING, JUST THE THREE OF
US.
ONE WAS EIGHT AND WAS ONE WAS 10.
AND FELICITY DID HER BEST TO SUPPORT ME AND TALK ME OUT OF
IT.
>> Stephen: SHE DIDN'T WANT TO COME.
>> I DID IT ANYWAY.
IT WAS A DISASTER.
( LAUGHTER )
A DISASTER?
>> BY MY WATCH TTOOK FOUR HOURS AND 26 MINUTES TO GET OUT OF THE
HOUSE THE FIRST DAY.
TO GET TO THE MOUNTAIN!
IT TOOK SO LONG -- >> Stephen: DID YOU PUT THEM
IN THE OUTFITS FIRST?
>> THEY KEPT-- THEY WERE-- IT WAS LIKE SHOVELING CATS.
IT WAS AWFUL!
( LAUGHTER )
BY THE TIME WE WERE THE CAR THEY SAID, "I'M HUNGRY," AND WE HAD
TO STOP FOR LUNCH!
AND THEN WE GET HOME, AND I WAS SO ANGRY.
IT WAS THE WORST DAY OF SKIING.
AND SOFIA SUDDENLY STARTS SCREAMING, AND I'M THINKING WHAT
NOW?
AND THANK GOD GEORGIA, THE YOUNG ONE, SPRANG INTO ACTION AND
OPENED THE DOOR OF THE CAR WHICH SOFIA JUST SLAMMED ON HER THUMB
AND IT WAS REALLY BAD.
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD.
>> AND I-- WELL, I GAVE HER A VICODIN.
( LAUGHTER )
GAVE YOUR 10-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER A VICODIN.
>> YES.
( LAUGHTER )
DID THAT GO?
>> FELICITY SAID, "YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT."
AND I SAID, "OH, GOD."
AND-- WELL, LET ME JUST SAY IT GOT WORSE, BUT IT ENDED UP WITH
SOME ADVICE THAT I GOT THAT WASN'T GOOD, AND IT INVOLVED A
STOOL SOFTENER IN THOSE CASES.
AND WE WERE AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN WHEN I REALIZED THAT I
HAD PERHAPS BEEN A LITTLE GENEROUS WITH THE STOOL
SOFTENER, AND...
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WAIT, WAIT, SO AFTER THE VICODIN, SHE'S NO
LONGER IN PAIN SO YOU DECIDE TO GO SKIING AND YOU SAY HOW DO I
GET THIS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM, AND SHE SAYS STOOL SOFTENER, AND IT
KICKED IN AT THE TOP OF THE LIFT.
>> YES, WHAT YOU SAID HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: HOW FAST?
>> IT WAS BAD.
>> Stephen: HOW FAST COULD YOU SKI TO THE BOTTOM?
>> SHE'S A FAST SKIER, MAN, WHEN SHE GETS--
( LAUGHTER )
BOOTS ANYMORE.
SHE WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT HER BOOTSZ WHEN WE FIRST STARTED.
I KEPT SAYING, "THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO HURT!"
I WAS SO ANGRY BECAUSE MY BOOTS WERE KILLING ME.
I SAID, "THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO HURT."
>> Stephen: YOUR BOOTS HURT?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DID YOU CONSIDER TAKING A VICODIN?
>> I NEEDED TO TAKE SOMETHING.
I FINALLY REALIZED SHE PUT THE BOOTS ON THE WRONG FEET, THE
LEFT WAS ON THE RIGHT-- I'M A BAD FATHER.
>> Stephen: WAS THERE A PARENT AROUND TO HELP WITH ANY OF THIS?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE A PARENT WITH YOU IF YOU'RE
GOING TO TAKE YOUR GIRLS OUT.
>> I'VE NEVER DONE IT AGAIN.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.
NOW, THEY-- "SHAMELESS" RETURNS.
LET'S GET TO-- >> SPEAK OF BAD FATHERS.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF BAD PARENTING AND TOO MUCH DRUGS,
"SHAMELESS" RETURNS IS IT THIS SUNDAY?
>> OKAY.
( LAUGHTER )
YEAH.
WHATEVER.
>> I DIDN'T I WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT.
>> Stephen: THIS SUNDAY AT 9:00.
>> OH, GOOD.
I'LL TRY TO CATCH IT.
>> Stephen: HOW LOW-- HOHOW LOW HAVE YOU FALLEN IN THIS
SHOW?
I UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A CLIP HERE THAT BRINGS YOU TO A NIDRR OF
YOUR CHARACTER'S BEHAVIOR.
>> I HAVE NO IDEA.
I KNOW HE FALLS...
( LAUGHTER )
SO SAD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE CLIP WE HAVE.
>> ROLL IT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> HERE'S THE THING.
THAT MATERIAL AS YOU CALL IT IS SUBPAR.
IT'S FROM THE 70s.
IT'S ON VIDEOTAPE FOR (BLEEP) SAKE.
THE WOMEN HAVE PUBIC HAIR.
I FEEL LIKE I'M WATCHING MY PARENTS HAVE SEX.
IT ACTUALLY MADE ME SAD.
SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, MY CUP IS EMPTY, AS IS MY DESIRE.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE, SOMETHING FROM THE EARLY 90s,
SOME NINA HARTLEY, RAQUEL DARRION PERHAPS?
>> SORRY.
>> WHAT ABOUT CRAZY?
YOU GOT ANY VIDEOS OF CRAZY PEOPLE HAVING SEX?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: IT'S GOOD TO KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE.
GOOD TO KNOW-- GOOD TO KNOW YOUR NICHE.
NOW, PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE SET THAT UP BY SAYING YOU'RE SPERM
DONATING FOR CASH.
THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT DONATING.
THAT'S NOT SPERM DONATION.
THAT'S SPERM SELLING.
>> KATY SEGAL DID A TURN ON THERE.
IT TURNS OUT FRANK'S LIVER TRANSPLANT-- HE LOST HIS LIVER A
WHILE AGO-- THEY HAVE TO-- THEY WON'T PAY FOR IT ANYMORE SO HE
HAS TO GET A GENERIC, AND ONE OF THE SIEFNGS IS LOZ OF LIBIDO.
>> Stephen: HE HAS TO GET A GENERIC LIVER?
>> YEAH.
GENETWORK LIVER DRUGS.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I THOUGHT MAYBE THERE WERE,IC LIKE, LIVERS
OR-- >> GENETWORK.
>> Stephen: YOU COULD GET A PRESIDENT'S CHOICE BRAND.
>> IT WORKS FOR DOGS, CATS, HUMANS.
ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
>> Stephen: WE'RE ALL MOVING IN THAT DIRECTION, I CAN TELL.
>> IT'S A AGREEMENT TURN.
IT TURNS OUT FRANK IS CRAZY ABOUT HER.
KATY SEGAL PLAYS A NUT-JOB.
>> Stephen: IT'S A HOPEFUL MESSAGE.
>> IT IS.
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S THE-- NO.
>> Stephen: WELL, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
NEXT TIME-- >> IT'S LOVELY.
>> Stephen: BRING THE VICODIN.
>> YOU BET!
>> Stephen: BRING ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY, OBVIOUSLY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
SEASON NINE OF "SHAMELESS" RETURNS TO SHOWTIME THIS SUNDAY.
AT 9:00.
WILLIAM H. MACY, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.