We're all scared of death but I'm somewhat of an extreme case.
Death terrifies me.
It's on my mind an unhealthy amount.
So after years of anxiety, it's time for a new approach.
I'm getting up close to death to find out
how we can come to terms with what's waiting for us all.
Without mortality, I don't know what humanity would be.
This week I'm going to die.
At least, in my mind.
It's like bathing myself in my own anxiety.
Can this morbid experiment cure my anxiety?
I'm in LA and I'm going to meet death doula Alua Arthur.
Hi!
Hi.
Not only does she guide clients through the process of dying, she specialises in treating people
with death anxiety like me.
So today, I'm going to try her prescribed treatment, a death meditation.
This is where you run your business from? – Mostly.
OK.
So, as you know, because we've spoken, I have very bad death anxiety
and I'm hoping that you're able to help me with that.
Death anxiety or fear of death is totally natural and normal.
That's the thing that tells us to get out of the way when there's a car approaching on the street,
when we walk to the edge of a cliff, you feel the fear you back up …
That's the fear of death that's talking, it's keeping you alive.
What is it that you'd say that you're afraid of?
Random accidents, that's one category.
The other one is that dying itself is just much worse than people realise,
the actual process of dying could be horrible.
The process … what it feels like in the body? – Exactly.
Are you afraid of pain? – Yes.
OK.
It sounds pretty tough to be in your head,
always thinking about these million different possibilities that could happen.
We are going to walk through all this in the death meditation.
How does the meditation work?
We're going to walk through the nine contemplations of dying
and then after that, we're going to walk you through the process of your body shutting down.
You're going to be safe. – OK.
OK. I'm going to be here.
OK. – OK?
Yes. – Let's do it.
Number one, if you're comfortable, close your eyes.
In about 100 years all the humans currently on the planet will be gone except for the few who are just
being born and will live incredibly long lifespans.
Number two, my lifespan is ever decreasing.
Number three, death comes whether or not I am prepared.
Number four, my lifespan …
Number five, death has many causes …
Number six …
Number seven, my body is fragile and vulnerable …
So easy for it to be wounded …
… a mistake can bring life to a surprisingly rapid end …
Number eight … number nine, my own body cannot help me when death comes.
Feel this body, this intimate vehicle that has carried you through Earth, the blood pumping
you feel it sort of slow down a little bit …
The entire metabolism of your body is coming to a halt slowly,
your physical body is dying, the consciousness is moving towards your heart centre.
Everything is swirling slowly inward and you're aware now that you are dying.
Your drive to live cannot carry you forward.
You will create no new memories
and now you finally have the knowledge that this is how you will die.
And you are no more.
And you are safe and alive and aware.
You can sit up.
But only when you're ready, take your time.
So … – Do I have makeup all over my face?
A little bit.
OK.
What did you experience?
It's like bathing myself in my own anxiety, basically.
Yeah, you took an anxiety bath.
I have to be honest, I wasn't expecting to like …
I'm not a meditator but that was actually quite profound.
I guess because you're in a peaceful situation, it's less scary when you're
looking at it straight on than it is when you're like in your own head trying
to hide from it.
That's one of the real benefits of doing the death meditation is
that you have a chance to practise it … – Yeah.
Yeah.
And think it through without being
physically feeling like you're in any danger. – Yeah.
You feel good? – I feel really good, yeah.
You do?
I thought I was going to have to pretend when I woke up that it had been,
'Oh, yeah, no, that was really amazing.'
But it was actually.
Were you thinking of lying to me?
Well, I didn't want to just wake up and be like,
'That was shit.'
That's wonderful.
Thank you so much for your openness and also for your honesty.
Would you say that you're part
of the death-positive movement?
Yeah.
And that's quite hard for a lot of people to get their heads around,
li ke death and positive together?
I think people think we mean, 'Yeah death, like yeah, die!'
That's not how I see it at all.
I see it as more, like, OK, death.
It's like, I'm going to die eventually, let me live like it.
People think it's quite a privileged position to be in, to be able to plan for
your death and think about the best way that you would want it …
Do you think that that's true?
We are all thinking about death.
All the time.
It might just be a privilege to hire somebody to sit with you during the time of this moment.
But folks like me are trying to find
ways to create more accessibility so that everybody can have access.
Why did you want to become a death doula?
I practised law for 10 years.
Right.
But I had grown really depressed by my practice and I met a woman on a bus who had uterine cancer.
We spend a lot of time talking about her life and then her death
and it felt very universal, like, why is this not the thing that we're talking about?
It didn't seem to be a thing out there.
So, that made it super clear that I wanted to support people through dying.
You get to be with humans in their, like, full humanness,
like we're so human when we're dying.
It's such a vulnerable and intimate space and to be invited into it is a gift.
And how do you take care of yourself in the process?
Because death is a really hard thing for most people and
you encounter it day in, day out.
Well, I like French fries a lot, I eat a lot of French fries.
Cos they're wonderful and delicious.
I give myself a lot of freedom to feel what I want,
to be who I am.
I cry a lot and I'm OK with that.
There are lessons in death all the time.
I think the greatest lessons about living come from dying.
What have you learned?
That this life is so brief.
That it's maybe an opportunity to just experience this whole weird funky ride.
That my existence matters to some
but that also it's pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
And that's OK.
It's hard to explain why that worked because everything that Alua
made me think about was all stuff that I think about all the time that's really,
really scary and I guess I've always thought about myself dying as happening
in this alien world, in this alien body in this kind of horrible place but when you
realise that it's this world, this body, stuff that you're familiar with
it doesn't seem quite as horrifying in a way.
I do feel like I've understood something I didn't understand before and
I'm actually making some progress to conquering this anxiety.
Thank you for watching episode six.
Next week is our last episode in the series
and in it I meet Joe.
Joe's 34, has cancer and was told that he had a year to live.
I spent the day with him, his wife and his friends and he has an amazing,
interesting perspective on death.
Click subscribe if you don't want to miss it.