LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT.
IT'S BEEN REVEALED THAT DURING A RECENT MEETING ON TRADE WITH
PRESIDENT TRUMP, THE EUROPEAN COMMISSION PRESIDENT HAD TO USE
A SERIES OF COLORFUL CUE CARDS TO EXPLAIN AND SIMPLIFY ECONOMIC
ISSUES FOR DONALD TRUMP.
[ LAUGHTER ] ALTHOUGH, IT MAKES SENSE TO USE
COLORS BECAUSE TRUMP HASN'T LEARNED HIS SHAPES YET.
[ LAUGHTER ] "CIRCLE."
NOPE.
"CIRCLE."
NOPE.
AND TO MAKE SURE TRUMP WAS REALLY PAYING ATTENTION, SOME OF
THE CARDS INCLUDED ITEMS FROM THE MCDONALD'S DOLLAR MENU.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT REALLY PERKED HIM UP.
ALTHOUGH HALFWAY THROUGH THE MEETING, TRUMP STARTED TO WHINE
ABOUT HILLARY'S EMAIL SERVERS AND HIS ADVISORS KNEW IT WAS
TIME TO PUT HIM DOWN FOR A NAP.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND SOME BIG ENTERTAINMENT NEWS,
HBO RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THAT LEBRON JAMES WILL BE HOSTING A
NEW TALK SHOW SET IN A BARBERSHOP HERE IN LOS ANGELES
AND IT'S CALLED "THE SHOP."
YEAH.
LEBRON JAMES IS GETTING A TALK SHOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERING ]
WELL, I GUESS THIS IS WAR.
I HAVE NO CHOICE NOW BUT TO START UP A SIDE GIG...
AND BECOME THE GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYER IN THE WORLD.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'LL DO IT.
I'LL DO IT.
[ APPLAUSE ] APPARENTLY, LEBRON'S TALK SHOW
IS GOING TO BE HIM AND FOUR RANDOM GUESTS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT
HAVE HEARD OF.
YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN HE PLAYS BASKETBALL.
[ LAUGHTER ] MOVING ON, A RECENT GOVERNMENT
REPORT REVEALED THAT A CALIFORNIA D.M.V. EMPLOYEE FELL
ASLEEP AT HER DESK FOR UP TO THREE HOURS A DAY AND THIS WENT
ON FOR NEARLY FOUR YEARS.
[ LAUGHTER ] SHE FELL ASLEEP AT HER DESK FOR
THREE HOURS A DAY, OR AS THEY CALL THAT AT THE D.M.V.,
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
[ LAUGHTER ] WHEN ASKED HOW SHE GOT AWAY WITH
IT FOR SO LONG, HER SUPERVISOR WAS LIKE, (SNORING).
[ LAUGHTER ] SLEEPING ON THE JOB FOR FOUR
YEARS.
BREAKING THE PREVIOUS RECORD, HELD BY REGGIE WATTS.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S WHY HE WEARS THE SHADES.
HA-HA!
AND THIS WAS PRETTY CONTROVERSIAL ONLINE-- AN ICE
CREAM SHOP IN SCOTLAND HAS INTRODUCED A NEW FLAVOR MADE
WITH A VERY FAMILIAR INGREDIENT.
IT'S CALLED MAYONNAISE ICE CREAM.
COINCIDENTALLY, "MAYONNAISE ICE CREAM" IS ALSO HOW
DERMATOLOGISTS DESCRIBE MY SKIN TONE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE ONLY THING WEIRDER THAN
-- IT'S TRUE!
HOW IS IT?
MAYONNAISE ICE CREAM!
THE ONLY THING WEIRDER THAN MAYONNAISE ICE CREAM IS HOW YOU
HAVE TO ORDER IT.
TO ORDER IT, YOU GO UP TO THE COUNTER AND YOU GO, "HELLO, I'M
DISGUSTING."
AND THEY GO, "DON'T WORRY.
I GOT YOU RIGHT HERE."
[ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, WE HAD TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THIS-- A GARDENER IN ENGLAND SAYS HE IS TIRED OF
HAVING TO MAKE REGULAR REPAIRS TO HIS HEDGE OF A RECLINING
NAKED WOMAN, DUE TO DRUNK PEOPLE PRETENDING TO HAVE SEX WITH IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] I KNOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT
YOUR GREENS BUT THIS IS GETTING CARRIED AWAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
DON'T CLAP IT.
DON'T.
WHEN THEY INTERVIEWED THE GARDENER, HE SAID, "THOSE PEOPLE
ARE DISGUSTING."
YES, THEY'RE DISGUSTING, SAYS THE MAN WHO SPENDS EVERY DAY
PRUNING A BUSH INTO THE SHAPE OF A NAKED WOMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT PEOPLE
COULD HAVE SEX WITH SHRUBS.
BUT THAT EXPLAINS WHERE THIS GUY CAME FROM...