hey what's going on youtube this is your certified life and relationship coach coach
court and in today's video i want to talk to you about the fearful avoidant and going no contact
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to long emails in today's video i want to talk to you about the fearful avoidant and going no
contact with them so i have an email here from one of my previous coaching clients and
i thought i would share i picked it out because it's a really good email as far as this topic
and i will get around to some of the tips some of the things that they're feeling
doing no contact and when is the best time to reach out to them later on in the video but
right now i'm going to read this email from one of my coaching clients i say hey coach
i know it's been a while and i just wanted to reach out and say thank you for our calls
i am a lot less anxious and have decided to move on from my ex i dove deep into
the resources that you provided which helped a lot please share this story with the community
i didn't get my ex back but i feel it was it was a success because i have my life back again cheers
okay so a little background on that story he was dating somebody that we kind of i don't diagnose
but he diagnosed her and kind of saw her to be more fearful avoidant from some of the things
that she was doing and we came up with a plan on you know re-engagement and how he would uh
kind of try to reconnect with her looks like he decided to move on and usually that's what
happens is either the person either gets there when i don't hear from him again and we have our
uh because he did like three or four sessions when i don't hear from them again
they either chose to move on or uh they're like living happily ever after so i like when i get
success stories like this and people reach out and let me know just where they're at in their journey
because it helps me kind of give you a little bit of insight on my coaching and also insight on
some of the value that you'll take away from having sessions so he didn't get his girlfriend
back but he also got his life back because that's what happens when you're in your activated state
you really lose yourself and you uh forget who you are and today i decided to just a little bit of a
little update on this deal i'm at one of my good friend's house he told me that i could use his
backyard and i love coming out here and just kind of like meditating and praying it's a beautiful
scenery and i wanted to share that scenery with you guys today on top of that success story so
on to the content for today so doing no contact or i like to call it self-discovery
they will feel a bunch of different emotions because the fearful avoidant they have the
activating and deactivating and so doing no contact it's you can kind of flip a coin whether
or not they're going to reach out to you or not because from the fearful avoidants that i've
worked with they want to reach out and they have really intense deep emotions a lot of times i hear
them say you know they probably have no clue what i'm going through inside right now but they're too
fearful to reach out you know when you tiptoe around the pool long enough eventually you'll
just get a sunburn kind of take the plunge and get a little bit of clarity on where you're at
and where you stand in their life especially if you know that they're a fearful avoidant
but they'll need consistency from you though you have to continue to keep doing the same things
and keep showing up the same exact way or else they'll get spooked off and they'll get a little
fearful of trying to build something further with you especially if you're feeling like
you're just as emotionally in turmoil as they are what i've seen in the past is the fearful avoidant
most likely will reach out to you first and before the month mark if they don't though reach out
to them around three to four four weeks and just kind of see where they're at see how they're doing
uh just care for them really show up in a safe and nurturing way and just inquiring about their life
and wondering how they are we are supposed to go into relationships to bring something to
that person's life to give to them to know when it's time to let go if you feel as if
a person isn't in love with you anymore or doesn't want you anymore you should love them
enough to be able to let them go and to allow for them to go out and find them somebody who
aligns better with them with their energy with their ways of thinking with their belief systems
with their level of intimacy to match them you can find that too you can find that match you
can mirror you can find somebody that mirrors your same energy what i've seen from people in
the past is when that person does reach out they will tell them that hey you have no clue that
i was actually thinking about you the whole time and i was actually wanting to reach out
to you but i didn't know whether or not you still wanted me if you were upset with me if you were
holding some type of grudge with me i noticed that you stopped liking my post you stopped
you stopped showing up the same safe and comfortable way that you were in the beginning
you know not in those words i'm putting those in my words but that's kind of along the gist of
what the fearful avoidance has said once they have reconnected with a partner in the past many
times they won't reach out because they feel as if they're making a fool out of themselves
if they said something in the past that was really hurtful and damaging they feel to you
then they won't reach out because they feel like you know the damage has been done so they
really get triggered into their fearfulness and they start to deactivate themselves from
the relationship in general they may go out and participate in escapism by maybe going out
and drinking and burying themselves in xbox or ps4 i had another client reach out to me
from pretty sure she's on the east coast she went on a sabbatical she went away for like two weeks
after her da kind of deactivated from her so instead of her
constantly because what she was doing was she started to chase after him and she started to
uh really outpour all these loving feelings and emotions writing really long text messages to
him because she just wanted to just connect with him so desperately but then when she
realized that this was all fruitless she started to pull herself away and started to heal herself
and kind of get back into what she liked to do and get back to her hobbies and
her some of her passions and what she did was uh she was able to detach herself by
temporarily deactivating and coming back and revisiting some of the text messages and messages
that she sent out to him and realized that hey this person that was sending these messages was
a totally different person i made a lot of mistakes when i was in my activated state
in closing i just want to say going no contact works with pretty much every attachment style
but it's different for the fearful avoidant you have to give it that time of three to four
weeks in order for them to start to feel those emotions for you again and actually get back
into their activated state so if you found this video of any value please like comment and share
reach out to me on my other social media accounts twitter's coachcourt2 instagram as
iamcoachcourt and facebook is iamcoachcourt thank you guys and i will talk to you soon