Hey there, this is Clay with RelationshipInnerGame.com, and in this video I want to talk about how
you can make sure that you are only really spending your time in the dating world, in
the relationship world with people that are the right fit for you, who are likely to give
you the kind of relationship that you want.
In other words, how do you stop wasting your time with losers?
Okay.
Now, first of all, the term loser is an evaluation.
Obviously everybody has their own opinion about what constitutes a useful purpose in
their life and so on and so forth.
But I think most people want to be with somebody who is going somewhere in life.
Somebody who has goals and visions and stuff like that.
And you know, if, if your partner or your dates of vision of how they should be spending
their time is playing video games, it may not necessarily line up with your vision of,
you know, advancing in your career and you know, maybe buying a home or whatever it is
your goals are, right?
So how do you make sure that, that you are spending time with the right type of people?
Okay, this is really a matter of self esteem and I know that self esteem is not a sexy
topic that a lot of people like to talk about.
You know, it's not like sending the right text message or you know some weird mind game
or something like that, but self esteem is an important aspect of dating and relationships
because how you view yourself and how you view what you are worthy of will ultimately
determine what you're willing to welcome into your love life, what you're willing to welcome
into your dating experience, right?
If you believe that you are not lovable, then you are going to be willing to put up with
people in your life, in your dating life and your love life in your relationship life who
maybe don't love you, right?
Don't love you the way that they would somebody who was lovable, right?
And so you know you might, you might have these people that treat you poorly.
They are unwilling to actually commit to a real relationship with you.
They're willing to, you know, blip in and out of your life.
They're willing to leave you hanging in certain ways and disappoint you in other ways and
break promises and all of these things that you probably don't want.
Right?
And if you had a high level of self esteem, if you held yourself in high regard and believe
that you are worthy of high quality love, there will be a part of you that says, you
know, this is not really what I want, so, you know, peace out.
I'm going to, you know, head over here and meet somebody who's going to treat me with
the level of respect and love that I believe that I'm worthy, right?
And so that person with a high level of self esteem would remove themselves from that situation
so that they didn't have to experience all that disappointment.
All of that frustration.
Where as somebody with a lower level of self esteem would be the recipient of these sorts
of events.
Uh, you know, the betrayal, the disappointment, the, you know, person with ambiguous values
or motives or whatever.
And they would say, you know what, this, this is not so bad.
Like at least he's not a serial killer.
Like, sure.
It's not like Prince Charming from Disney or anything like that.
But this is okay, I'm going to, I'm going to put up with this.
Right?
And so they're essentially saying, yeah, yeah, give me more, give me more of this, give me
more of this.
And if that's not really what you want, then um, you have to understand that you are actually
welcoming it into your life.
And you have to make the conscious choice to say, no, this isn't what I want.
And remove yourself from that situation.
And I know it can be difficult because a lot of people have this belief that, you know,
once they're in a relationship, they have to make it work at all costs.
But that's absolutely not true because if you are in a relationship with the wrong person,
the more time you spend in that relationship, uh, the less time you're actually exposing
yourself to people that have the ability, willingness, or desire to give you the kind
of relationship that you actually do want, right?
So if you are spending a lot of time and energy trying to make things work with somebody who
just for, you know, any number of reasons, maybe they're a good person, but they're just
not emotionally at the same level as you or whatever, uh, they, they, they just don't
have the ability to give you what you want.
The more time you spend with somebody who does not have the ability to give you what
you want, the more time you are pouring into a what, what essentially is just going to
be, for lack of a better word, let's just call it a lost cause, right?
Even if you win, you still end up losing.
And the less time you actually have to devote to welcoming in people into your life, who
do have the ability to help you get the kind of relationship that you do want.
Okay?
So, uh, that, that is how you make sure that you are spending the right time in your dating
and relationship life with the right people.
And this does involve actually being a good ender.
Okay?
You have to be good at breaking up with people.
You have to be good at ending dating relationships and stuff like that.
Once you realize that it's not going to take you where you want to go.
So I hope this has helped you out.
And if you would like to learn more about how to meet date and attract, uh, the kinds
of people that you want, please head on over to RelationshipInnerGame.com, please like
and comment below and subscribe to this channel.
And with that being said, let's get to today's question from a viewer.
We have Adam who says, hi Clay.
I have noticed that over the last year or so, I have a really sort of let my relational
skills plateau and fall to the wayside.
How do you personally keep a constant check on perfecting and developing your own Advanced
Relational Skills?
Any tips?
PS: I love these videos in addition to the Modern Love podcast.
So thank you for being so giving of yourself and your time.
Well, thank you very much Adam.
Thanks for watching.
Um, but in terms of how to continue to develop and practice, uh, Advanced Relational Skills.
So obviously things like dating and relationships will present an opportunity for us to grow
as people, right?
Nothing is more vulnerability inducing then dating, you know, going up to somebody who
you don't really know, who you think is attractive and saying, Hey, you know, this is me.
I'm not perfect.
There's a lot of things wrong with me.
I might have issues with my parents, I have insecurities about my body, I whatever.
Right?
And um, and saying, Hey, do you like me anyway?
Right.
That takes a lot of courage.
That takes a lot of vulnerability.
That takes a lot of a lot of things right, and if you use that as a tool for self development,
you can continue to deepen Advanced Relational Skills.
You can become more aware of areas that you are feeling insecure at.
You can find ways as being more accepting of those, of appreciating those you can work
on more transparency and vulnerability, et cetera, et cetera.
But you know, even as you come come out of the dating and relationship world because
maybe you're in a relationship with somebody, maybe you're committed to that person.
Maybe things are going really well.
There are probably going to be other things in your life that you want to focus on, whether
that's like your career, your health, whatever it might be.
Right?
And so those are also equally important vehicles that you can use for cultivating these Advanced
Relational Skills.
You can look at your career as a way to learn better communication between you and your
coworkers.
You can look at, um, you know, your health as a way to be more mindful of the choices
that you're making when it comes to food or exercise or, or things like that.
And so you can actually bring these Advanced Relational Skills into other areas of your
life and you know, I think it's just normal human nature to always have, you know, some
thing that is focusing your attention on it, whether that's, you know, love and relationships,
whether that's health and fitness, whether that's a career or investments or just some
kind of hobby even, right?
And so, um, there's always something that's going to pull your attention and that thing
is most likely something that you can use as an exercise, as a vehicle to help you cultivate
these Advanced Relational Skills.
So again, thanks so much for your question, Adam.
I hope this has helped you out and this has been clay.
I'll talk to you again in the next video.
Take care.