>> Stephen: HELLO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WELCOME BACK, MY FRIENDS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT
GUEST THIS EVENING IS A EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM THE BIRDCAGE, THE SIMPSONS, AND BROCKMEIER.
HE ST STARS IN THE NEW SERIES "HELLO TOMORROW!."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," HANK AZARIA.
♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Hank: HI, THAT WAS VERY NICE.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU? >> Hank: BETTER NOW.
>> Stephen: IT FEELS A LITTLE BETTER WITH A LITTLE VALIDATION.
>> Hank: I CAN USE IT. I'VE BEEN HAVING HORRIBLE
PROBLEMS LATELY. >> Stephen: PERHAPS I CAN
HEL. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, HANK
AZARIA QUESTION MARKS BIJU I HAVE SOME SHAME AROUND IT
BECAUSE I SWORE I WOULDN'T DO THIS BUT I STARTED
WATCHING THE BACHELOR AGAIN. >> Stephen: REALLY?
>> Hank: FULL PATINO GODFATHER THREE.
THEY PULLED ME BACK IN. I HAVE A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE SHOW. I HAVE OCD RITUALS AROUND IT.
I COUNT THE LIKES, FOR EXAMPLE. LIKE, LIKE, LIKE PURE THE RECORD
IS 33 LIKES AND 2:33 CONVERSATION.
IT DRIVES ME INSANE. IT'S ALWAYS YOUNG LADY WITH A
VOCAL FRY. LIKE, I JUST WANTED TO LIKE,
TALK, LIKE BECAUSE WE HAD THIS, LIKE, CONNECTION AT FIRST.
LIKE NOW, LIKE, I KIND OF THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE BIT.
I AM AFRAID YOU ARE, LIKE, NOT HERE FOR, LIKE, THE RIGHT
REASONS AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT, LIKE, I DON'T JUST LIKE
YOU. I LIKE, LIKE, LIKE YOU.
>> Stephen: SEEMS LIKE A DANGEROUS DRINKING GAME.
>> Hank: EXACTLY. I DON'T DRINK ANYMORE BUT IF I
DID I WOULD DRINK EVERY TIME SOMEBODY SAID LIKE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS, YOUR LOVE OF
IMPRESSIONS. VOCAL STYLINGS.
YOU ARE FAMOUS FOR DOING THAT SORT OF THING.
IS THERE ANY IMPRESSION RIGHT NOW THAT YOU ARE PARTICULARLY
ENJOYING? PEOPLE CAN GET INTO LITTLE RUTS.
>> Hank: I DO NOTHING BUT OBSCURE OLD IMPRESSIONS NOBODY
CARES ABOUT ANYMORE. IT'S SO WEIRD.
ERIC ROBERTS FROM GREENWICH VILLAGE.
I WAS GOING TO BET ON THE RACEHORSE BUT THEY TOOK MY
[BLEEP] HE CURSES A LOT.
I DO YOUNG JACK, YOUNG JACK NICHOLSON.
HOLD THE CHICKEN SALAD, SWEETHEART.
IT'S DIFFERENT THAN OLD JACK WHICH GOT LOUDER AND GRUFFER.
ACTUALLY, TO CIRCLE BACK TO "THE BACHELOR" FOR A MOMENT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A PRO PROBLEM.
>> Hank: IT DOES INVOLVE AN OLD-SCHOOL IMPRESSION.
I WATCH IT FROM A CLINICAL STANDPOINT, LIKE, ALMOST LIKE A
SCIENCE EXPERIMENT. I HAVE A BACKGROUND.
I WAS A PSYCH MAJOR. I PLAY "SPOT THE DYSFUNCTION" AS
I WATCH IT. I REALLY DO.
CODEPENDENT. SHE'S AN ALCOHOLIC.
MAJOR TRUST ISSUES RIGHT THERE. IT BECOMES LIKE A NATURE
DOCUMENTARY ALMOST. SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH.
IF YOU NOTICE THE HORNED LIZARD EMERGES ONLY TWICE DURING THE
LUNAR CYCLE TO RISK A DRINK AT THE RIVER.
I WILL TURN THE SOUND DOWN AND WATCH WITH MY WIFE AND SAY "THE
YOUNG BLONDE WITH THE VOCAL FRY REACHES FOR THE SWORD MAY.
EACH TIME SHE EXPERIENCES THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF EMOTIONAL,
LIKE, DISCOMFORT. I HAD TO GET THAT OUT.
THERE'S ANOTHER OLD-SCHOOL ONE I USED TO DO IN MY STAND-UP ACT
THAT NEVER EVER GOT A LAUGH. SPIRO NO, LET'S HEAR IT.
>> Hank: WE CAN CUT IT OUT. DID YOU EVER HAVE JOKES YOU KNEW
WERE NOT GOING TO WORK BUT YOU LIKE THEM SO HE DID THEM ANYWAY.
>> Stephen: MANY, MANY TIMES. >> Hank: THIS IS ONE OF JOHNNY
CARSON. FOR YOU KIDS, JUST GOOGLE ME.
I WOULD DO JOHNNY CARSON DELIVERING ROCK 'N' ROLL SONG
LYRICS. INTERESTING ITEM IN THE PAPER
TODAY. HOW MANY OF YOU SAW THIS?
APPARENTLY THERE IS A LADY WHO IS SURE ALL THAT GLITTERS IS
GOLD. STAY WITH ME.
SHE'S BUYING A STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.
IS THAT WEIRD? IS THAT SOME WACKY STUFF,
STEPHEN? >> Stephen: YES!
YES, SIR! >> Hank: THAT'S THE BEST I
EVER DID AND THAT WASN'T GREAT. IT WAS WEIRD.
WILDS. YOU NEED A PENCIL.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW APPLE TV+ SERIES, "HELLO
TOMORROW!." EVERYTHING ABOUT IT APPEALS TO
ME. I'M A HUGE PASS THROUGH TOMORROW
GUY. I LOVE THE VISION OF THE FUTURE
FROM THE 1950s. >> Hank: YOU LOVE THIS.
>> Stephen: EXPLAINED WITH THE IDEA IS.
>> Hank: A RETRO VISION OF THE FUTURE.
THE 50s MODERN FUTURE THAT WE WERE PROMISED BUT NEVER GOT, JET
PACKS AND HOVER CARS AND ROBOTS. IT'S LIKE A JETSONS WORLD.
>> Stephen: GREAT SUITS. >> Hank: RETRO 50s SUITS BUT
WITH WEIRD MODERN FUTURISTIC THINGS, SELF TYING TIES AND
WEIRD GADGETS. WE PLAY THIS "GLENGARRY
GLEN ROSS" TYPE SELLING CONDOS ON THE MOVE.
>> Stephen: REAL CONDOS OR ARE YOU TAKING PEOPLE FOR CASH?
>> Hank: SPOILER ALERT. YOU HAVE TO STAY TUNED.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP. >> Hank: MY CHARACTER, EDDIE,
HE'S A GAMBLING ADDICT, SPORTS BETTING ADDICT AND HE TRIES TO
GIVE HIS BUDDY SOME LOVE ADVICE BUT THIS IS HOW IT COMES OUT.
>> WOMEN, LIKE GAMES OF CHANCE, LIVE IN REALMS BEYOND REASON.
HUNCHES, OMENS, INSTINCTS. NOT AVALANCHES OF EXPLANATORY
BLATHER. >> IF I'M CLEAR AND OPEN WITH
HER AND SHE IS CLEAR AND OPEN WITH ME.
>> DISASTER. THAT'S A DISASTER.
WORKING HARD TO GET MY GIRL UP TO THE MOON RIGHT NOW.
DO I TALK TO HER EAR OFF ABOUT THAT, NOY DON'T.
DO I HEED CERTAIN AUSPICIOUS SIGNS?
ABSOLUTELY. WHICH HAVE COALESCED OVER AND
OVER AGAIN AROUND MILK AND DAIRY IN GENERAL.
LOOK. 3 ON THE MONEY LINE WITH 61
RINGERS. WHAT SIZE DO YOU BUY MILK IN?
64 OUNCES. SIMPLE MATH.
FIND YOUR MILK AND FOLLOW IT. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, HANK AZARIA. DON'T GO ANYWAY.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE. JUST GO.
I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.