- [Voiceover] The graffiti artist
known as Spanksy has struck again.
Five nights in a row, he's targeted
the outside wall of Potter Lumber.
- Yo, nice dick, dog!
(laughing)
(drumming)
(dramatic music)
- [Voiceover] Reports have surfaced that owner
Russ Harvey has stolen the profits of the
softball tournament to benefit testicular cancer,
called Softballs for Sick Balls.
And Spanksy has a hard message for him.
- It's pretty simple, innit?
Every day he doesn't donate the money,
I'm gonna spray my (beeping) balls
on the side of his (beeping) wall.
- [Voiceover] Frank, you wanna split a pie?
- Whatchoo doing saying my real name?
- Goddamnit, five nights in a row with this.
- Yes!
- You did keep the money, Russ.
- T-shirts, jerseys, visors, bar tabs!
My time isn't free, Johnny.
- Yes!
- [Russ] And awareness, we raised awareness!
What's this dickbag ever done, huh?
- Well, his blog says he raised over
$1,000 for testicular cancer, so.
- I don't understand that word.
What's a blog?
- It's an internet newspaper for fat ladies.
- Speak to a representative!
- Darrel, get off the phone.
- Look, I'll stay the night.
If he comes back, we'll catch him.
- [Voiceover] Uh, that won't be necessary.
We are investing in a third party security team.
- What? We don't have the money for that.
- There's plenty of money in the budget.
- We need to use that money
to get a new wide receiver.
- Nope, that's a different, you're having
a different conversation.
- Look, let us handle the finances! Okay, John?
- [Voiceover] I've just gotten word
that we'll actually be hearing
from someone inside the facility.
- Yo, yo, yo, the funny thing is, there's a bunch
of peckers inside that building, too!
(laughing)
- Sir, I think you're bleeding.
(laughing)
- I'm gonna stay the night, wanna hang?
- Yeah, can I bring beer?
- Yeah!
- Can you buy it?
- Yes.
- [Voiceover] Say that shit to my face, pussy!
- Oh, it looks like some... - [Man] Come on, yeah!
- And they're...
(thumping)
- Oh shit!
(laughing)
- Did you get that?
(electric guitar riff)
(sirens wailing)
- Alright, so go ahead.
- So anyway, this chick sneezes, right?
She blows like $20 worth of coke into my ball hair.
- Sounds like a fun wedding.
- Well, it is for her family, you've met her.
(Spanish guitar)
(laughing)
- Seriously, dude, the president.
- Roosevelt, moron. He had Polio.
It's a dangerous sport.
- No, that's Polo.
- No, water Polio.
- You know nothing about fucking sports.
- Alright, here we go, here we go, batter.
(cracking)
(groaning)
- Alright!
(laughing)
- Win every time.
- This one.
- That's a vagina.
- It's an armpit.
(laughing)
- Yeah, I'd still fuck it.
- It's an armpit.
- Yeah.
(sighing)
(clanking)
- Tommy, wake up!
(jazz music)
- Yo, you think it's Spansky?
- Oh, I hope so!
(clanking)
(laughing)
- Oh shit, dude, it's Chief.
- Chief!
- Chief, oh, that's right,
he cleans on Tuesday nights.
(laughing)
- Did you see that...
- Yeah, it was good.
- Still got it.
- Man, he's still goin'.
(sighing)
- You can still smell it.
- Yeah, man, listen...
It was a whole stack just fell
right on your head, to be honest.
- Right on ya.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Mmhmm. You're lucky we were here, actually.
- So, think of it that way.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
- Don't mention it.
- Hey, I just don't get Spanksy.
How many black British guys do you see in Delco,
it should be so easy to stop them.
- He's not black, Tommy.
He's got a blurred face.
- Yeah, I-I know he's got a blurred...
You're not telling when I'm, dick.
(sighing)
- Dude, like the biggest boards
we have in this whole fucking yard.
Pow, right on yer head!
(laughing)
- Yeah, I don't remember.
(trickling)
- Shit!
- What's a matter buddy, you get it stuck?
- Shit!
- Uh, don't worry about it.
Look, I know this is gonna sound weird,
but you just pour a little beer on it,
comes right out of there.
- Camera!
- Who cares?
- You don't understand, he's been
watching us all night!
- [Voiceover] It's an armpit.
(laughing)
- [Voiceover] Yeah, I'd still fuck it.
(splatting)
- He just wants to be part of the party.
- Yeah, you know what? I've got an idea.
Here you go, he wants to be part of it?
He wants to be part of it?
Hey Gordy, you wanna have a beer with us?
(grunting)
(groaning)
- Alright, another one, another one.
I almost got it.
- Yeah, oh, come on.
- Alright, alright. Last one, last one.
- No, no, no, no. Don't waste it, dude.
- What?
(crashing)
- Yeah!
(beeping)
(laughing)
- I gave you that eye-line.
- Alright, come on.
Now let's go throw the rest of those
beers into these mouth holes.
- Alright.
- Ready?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(Spanish guitar)
(gurgling)
(muffled voice)
- Hey!
- He was driving.
(groaning)
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah, look what else this jerk-off did!
(electric guitar)
- Aw, tits!
- We here at Potter Lumber would like to
announce that we're gonna donate $500...
- I thought it was a thousand dollars?
- That's right, it's a thousand dollars.
Why don't you go ahead and hit
reverse on that thing, Shannon, huh?
Sorry about the mix-up,
we are truly a family business
and integrity is our highest priority.
- Back to you, Steve.
(alternative rock)