-The Quarter Finals of The 442oons FIFA23 e-World Cup
-Wales vs Argentina -Germany vs Brazil
-England vs France -Belgium vs Portugal
-Who will be crowned World Champions?
-After this episode, not Brazil!
-We’ll see c*ck-breath!
-Cock-breath?
-Oh sorry Thomas, I meant sausage breath, honest!
-Oh - no problem -A sausage made from the meat of your horse’s
penis, c*ck-breath!
-What?
-Oh, what is it with you Germans and sniffing your holes?!
-Wales vs Argentina -Lionel - it’s nice to hook-up again here
in Qatar.
-You two are dating?
-NO!
-I meant we’re hooking up again like the old El Clasico days!
-Phew.
Coz I definitely wouldn’t recommend any man-on-man sexy stuff out here.
-Unless you want to end up in prison…
-Lisandro Martinez, you’re under arrest for the dismemberment of Simon Kjaer and Christian
Eriksen!
-But I thought you guys were into this sort of thing!
-HANDS UP!
-Nobody arrests The Butcher of Amsterdam!!!
-HOLY POOP!!!
-Germany vs Brazil -Ah!
Minty fresh!
-See Neymar?
-ARGH!
REFEREE!!!
-He’s not going to sh*g you Thomas -No I -
-Who do you think he is?
Robert Lewandowski?
-laugh -Ha - nice joke.
-Who’s joking?
-Laugh -Ow!
-OW!
-What’s happened to them?
They’re almost as dysfunctional as PSG -The show must go on!
-ACTION!
-But his body’s not even cold yet…
-We’re in Qatar!
No-one cares.
To them he’s just another migrant worker.
-What?!
-And so are you 2 - so get migrant working!
-GAME ON!!!
-Unbelievable…
-Now I know how it feels to work in Sports Direct
-Come on Timo!
We’re 30 minutes in and we aren’t 5-0 up.
What is going on?
-Well David Luiz isn’t playing for a start…
-Time to unleash my 5 star skill move…
-Oh, what skill by Antony -Stop going round in circles Antony!
-Yes stop Antony - it’s disrespectful -Yes stop Antony
It’s me that does the disrespectful showboating round here!
-SAMBA!
SAMBA!
-What a surprise - it’s up to Lionel Messi to single-handedly win the game for Argentina…
-GOAL!
-NO!
-Tell me about it bud!
-And the final whistle goes!
-VAMOS!!!
-Germany 1 Brazil 7 -OW!
-7 own goals!
You have a lot of explaining to do!!!
-I felt sorry for them okay?
-Sorry?!
Why?
-Do you know how much online abuse they get for losing 7-1 to Germany
in a World Cup semi-final in their own country?
-Who cares?
It was hilarious!
-Getting trolled every day on social media is not hilarious, Thomas!
-And I should know.
People can end up in a really bad place.
-You mean suicide?
-I mean RB Leipzig.
-HA!!!
-Plus - I put a 1 million pound bet on Brazil winning 7-1.
-HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
-ARGH!!!
NO LUIS!
-This is for knocking out Uruguay in the last round!!!
-NO!
-ARGH!
-A broken vertebrae just in time for the World Cup Semi-Finals!
-NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-GOAL!
-NO!
-Wales 3 Argentina 0 with 2 minutes to go!
-Only God can help you now bud…
-God.
Of course…
-Holy sheep-sh*ggers!
-NO!
-NOT THE HAIR!
-I QUIT!!!!
-The Hand of God strikes again!!!!
-Thank you!
-See you in the MLS retirement league next season Gareth!!!
-England vs France -GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS KING -
-Argh!
-What in the name of King Charles?!
-ARREST THAT MAN!!!
-Down with the King!
-Prince William?
-And down with anyone called Harry!
-Belgium vs Portugal -Good luck boys.
-Thanks -You’re going to need it, given that this
will be scripted to get 442oons a Lionel Messi vs CR7 World Cup final.
-We’ll see about that!
-Yes we will Kevin.
Yes we will.
-And we’re off!
-Paul!?!
Come on!
-I won’t be long Kylian - I’m in the middle of a team deathmatch on COD…
-Don’t make me send you off to a Qatari construction site like I did Karim…
-May he Rest in Peace -Goal!
-YES!/VAMOS!
-England lead!
-That’s your fault Paul!!!
-Off you go…
-But I - -OFF YOU GO!!!
-Farewell Emperor Kylian…
-And good luck trying to respawn in real life…
-Lukaku has an open goal…
-Oh no… -1-0!
-It’s hit the bar and gone out!
-Oh come on!
-*snigger* scripting!
-YES!
-2-0!!
-It’s coming home…
-Unlike you Olivier -Off you go…
-Oh my days - Olivier dressed as a construction worker?!
-I’m going to look so goddamn hot!!!
-Yes you will.
Especially at the end of a 20 hour shift in 35 degree heat.
-Belgium are in again…
-Oh - oh…
-Yes - oh-oh…
-Stop copying me -No!
-Off the post!!!
-No!
-Off the bar -No!
-Off the other post!
-And out for a goal-kick -NO!!!!!
-*snigger* Scripting!
-Yes, scrip- -Shut up Bruno
-Here - put this on…
-What?
-But he hasn’t even done anything bad yet!
-I’m not sending him off to work in construction -I just want him to cover up that stoopid
haircut -Gasp.
You’ve changed.
I miss 2018 Kylian Mbappe…
-Right - off you go!
-But - -OFF YOU GO!!!
-Yes Emperor Kylian -And the final whistle goes.
-YES!/VAMOS!
-England 14 - France 0 -FIFA bullpoo!!!
I officially retract my image rights from this stupid-ass game
-Right, see you later lads!
-I’m off to mansplain tennis to Emma Raducanu!!!
-I don’t suppose you’ve got one of those hardhats in a quadruple XL have you?
-Why?
-I might need one for the real World Cup.
-What for?
-In case we draw Portugal.
-Time is almost up…
-When did FIFA get rid of the dive button?
-I’m in!
-He shoots - -NO!
-Saved - and it’s rebounded all the way into the other half…
-What…
-The keeper’s misjudged it…
-What!!!
-GOAL!
-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!!
-Portugal lead!
-*snigger* Scripting!
-This is bull shit!!!
-It’s all over!
-Wow, no-one saw this coming…
-Join us on Tuesday for the Semi-Finals of The 442oons FIFA23 e-World Cup!
-Who will be crowned world champions?
-NOT NEYMAR!
HAHA!
-Good luck at the real World Cup Thomas -Thanks Yogi
-Erm, do you mind if I borrow your mouth spray?
-Sure -Do you have bad breath?
-No, it’s… for my anus -Oh Jesus Christ