TW:abuse, filicide, ableism
[Willow] Have you ever noticed that movies or shows about disabilities tend to focus on the same things?
I'm not just talking how it's usually about a white straight cisgender male.
Or that his working class family somehow never seems to have issues with money.
Although, that is kind of odd given statistically
many disabled people are much more likely to struggle with poverty.
And there is a higher chance of being disabled if you are black, indigenous, or queer.
I'm talking about media focusing on how disabilities affect relationships.
Often the desire for a sexual one
*cough* *cough cough*
I think this is why we have seen a lot of media on invisible disabilities like autism.
These disabilities lend themselves really well to just focusing on social and communication issues
because it gives characters around them an excuse to be confused
since there is nothing visibly different to them.
But even with a focus on relationships we don't see portrayals of abuse very often.
Or worse abuse is shown but is normalized or framed in a way to blame the victim.
Like a bully takes advantage
but the narrative focuses more on the victim being naive rather than the bully being awful.
This is concerning because we are at a much higher risk of being abused in relationships,
for longer periods of time, and the abuse often comes from people we know.
I want to look at a few examples.
I want to be clear I'm not trying to say it's bad if you enjoyed a piece of media.
I even enjoyed these in different ways, although that first season of Atypical was pretty painful.
Let me know in the comments if you can think of better examples.
In case you haven't seen it, Atypical's lead character is Sam,
an autistic teenager. The series, especially in the first season,
spends a fair amount of time with Sam trying to date, mostly in the hopes for sex.
*cough*
Sam ends up dating a girl named Paige through an... interesting series of events,
but we'll come back to that later.
In one episode, Paige asks Sam to figure out if he loves her or not
because they are to have dinner with her family soon.
Now, maybe this was done to move the story along quickly,
but keep in mind they JUST started dating.
What follows is Sam talking to his best friend
and family to determine how you know if you love someone.
I think the show is trying to be funny as Sam tries to figure out logically if he loves someone.
But let's breakdown one of the items on this list. The item itself isn't the problem.
It seems sensible enough that someone you love would make you a better person.
I want to focus on HOW Sam comes to determine whether or not Paige makes him a better person.
Paige is talking about how stressed she is.
So Sam suggests reciting the names of penguins from Antarctica because it helps him calm down.
After thanking him, she insists on him "paying up" for talking about Antarctica.
So, let's pause here because it's important to understand this garbage.
Sam gets 3 cards every day and every time he talks about his favorite subject
Antarctica
he has to "pay" Paige a card.
Sam's mom at least shows concern and asks if he's okay with this, in which Sam replies:
[Sam]I think it's dumb, but other people seem to be happy. Mostly Paige
[Willow] Now, it's obviously not bad to do things to make others happy.
But Sam's happiness is also important.
Imagine there was an important aspect of your life
that every time you mentioned it, someone set off a buzzer.
[buzzer sound]
Sharing knowledge like this is also a common way for many autistic people to bond with others.
I can understand that info dumps may be too frequent for some people, but I don't think
most people would accept paying a currency to talk about their interests to a partner.
Yet often we see things like this justified when the person is autistic.
Okay, now let's go back to Paige insisting Sam pay up for mentioning Antarctica.
[Paige] Last one of the day. Those went really fast.
[Willow] Sam's finally had enough of this rule, but Paige reiterates that it makes him less annoying.
And then Sam contemplating his check list, he asks:
-[Sam] Would you say it's making me a better person?
-[Paige] Definitely.
-[Willow] And there we have it. Instead of Sam deciding
if he feels like he's a better person. He's left that up for Paige to answer.
This person says they make me better, so I guess that must be true no matter how
much the supposed improvement hurts or upsets me.
To make it even worse, remember this is then used for Sam to decide if he may love Paige.
And if this doesn't seem like a big deal,
imagine if Paige was someone intentionally trying to manipulate or harm Sam?
Think of the power that could give her over him in the situation
And to be clear, there's nothing wrong with Paige not wanting to hear about Antarctica as much
or if Sam decided to agree to a rule in an attempt to find a balance in their own relationship.
But it would have to be his choice. And Paige has decided not just what is acceptable to her,
but is trying to control how Sam interacts with everyone else as well.
I think this interaction shows Sam has learned to ignore his
own judgment on what makes him a better person.
Why is that?
With media relying on social difficulties as the tension in the story, the solution is often
"Have you tried NOT being disabled?"
Usually through overcoming the disability or just some sort of effort to conform.
Even when there is an attempt at a theme of acceptance like in The Story of Luke.
[Luke] No more pretending, okay?
[Willow] There will still be a focus on everyone else's reaction to Luke.
Because the average viewer will not be disabled these characters serve as an
audience surrogate in how they might react to seeing behaviors related to a disability.
So when their responses improve to Luke as he
"succeeds", or in other words becomes more "normal", the message is Luke has done good.
The problem is we are not shown any reflection by any of the other characters.
There's no recognition that their actions towards Luke were terrible.
[Woman] What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to lock you up?
[Luke's Grandfather] Well, I felt like drowning you in the bath more than once
[Woman] Lock you up, so you didn't run around doing stupid shit.
[Luke, distressed] Noooo
[Willow Now I think the goal was probably to make sure
the audience stays empathetic towards Luke by making the other characters obviously awful.
[Woman] Do you think I'm a bitch?
[Willow] But without owning their previous behavior, it's very likely the audience may read the
story as Luke being SO inspiring it just makes everyone else better. Which is just nonsense.
With that in mind, let's go back to Atypical and how Sam and Paige started dating.
Sam makes a pros & cons list to determine if he should date Paige.
[Paige] Are you writing stuff about me?
[Sam] Yes.
[Willow] Maybe other people would not be as honest about it, but there's nothing
inherently wrong with making a list to find ways to process your thoughts and emotions.
The show does even briefly mention that it's "just a rule" and Paige doesn't know why.
The narrative focuses on Sam's actions and not
Paige going through Sam's personal belongings to read his notebook.
Sam does end up asking how Paige got his notebook,
but he's just impressed by her resourcefulness in obtaining it.
Paige doesn't apologize or anything.
The show doesn't acknowledge what Paige did here is intrusive and not okay.
It's easy to watch this and think what Sam did was wrong
and it's weird Paige would want to be with someone like him.
The show isn't so subtle about this either:
[Sam's sister Casey] Think you're going to get like extra credit for dating the weird kid?
[Paige, disgusted] No. No Casey I-
[Willow] To further this idea that being different makes you in the wrong, we often see neglect
and abandonment being portrayed as normal things that just happen to disabled people.
There may be little to no reaction from even the protagonist like in Atypical,
Sam's father left for 8 months after Sam was diagnosed autistic.
[Sam]That's the year he left us.
[Casey] Like he moved out of the house?
[Sam] Yes, for 8 months.
[Willow] Now, I want to be clear that the portrayal of the main character Sam
reacting to these things would be accurate, at least for me.
But it wouldn't be for all autistic people and just because I would react that way
doesn't mean that it wouldn't be upsetting. I just might not visibly look upset.
The problem is the audience has no way of knowing that,
especially since the majority watching will obviously NOT be autistic.
And this is why it's important for the story to show this
Now in Atypical, Sam's sister Casey does get very upset
learning that their father left for a time, but the focus is on her feeling betrayed personally.
And that's fine, it makes sense she would be focused on that.
My issue is that we aren't offered to consider how it could impact Sam.
Like he could feel responsible for their father leaving. It just never seems to even cross anyone's mind.
So even though Sam is the main character we are offered no insight
or a reason to consider this. The focus remains on Sam's father and everyone else.
In The Story of Luke the characters repeatedly mention his mom leaving
I mean really they hammer Luke with this throughout the film.
[Luke] Grandma Maggie said that Sarah loved me in her own way
I don't know what way that is.
-[Willow] And he also constantly hears how upset everyone has been having to look after him.
It's even mentioned how his grandfather who he's lived with all his life
was mad at his mom not because it was awful to Luke, but because it meant his grandfather had to watch after Luke.
These things ARE unfortunately part of many of our experiences.
What isn't okay is not showing the full effect this may have on us.
The Story of Luke does a better job of portraying the harm done by his mother,
but is undercut by not addressing all of the other characters' behaviors towards him.
To make this normalization of abuse worse most media will portray the neglect or abandonment as
understandable or justified. As if the majority of our empathy should go towards the caregivers.
When disabled people wish to be treated as human beings with freedoms,
the audience is reminded to instead consider the trouble or worry this causes the caregivers.
I'll admit I can feel emotionally conflicted watching some of these. Because they are made
to pull at emotions that I can relate to as a parent wanting to protect and care for my kids.
Unlike most parents in these shows or movies though, I am also disabled.
So my frustration remains firmly where it belongs. At the systems around us.
Like having to fight the school or medical systems to get basic accommodations.
In media though we just see how hard it is for caregivers and any awful things they do,
it's okay because... good intentions I guess?
[Sam] Oh my god, I was just trying to help
[Willow] I'd like to say that we know better,
but on a regular basis we see news of a disabled child killed or harmed by their own family.
Then see countless responses trying to empathize with the abuser or even murderer.
Instead of mourning for the child who was the victim.
This is such a common occurrence there is a Day of Mourning every March 1st
where the disabled community gathers to remember the victims.
In the past 5 years, there have been 600 people with disabilities killed in the United States by their parents, relatives or caregivers.
So, ideally, you know- We just fix capitalism and
disabled people's needs are met and this problem just goes away, but until then-
We need to see more intersectional issues that disabled people actually face.
More complex stories that don't just use disability as a replacement for plot and character development.
I would love to see caregivers who are also disabled so we could see more nuance,
rather than the tired insistence of following rules to fit in.
It's bad enough that many of us learn to hesitate to reach out for help,
which can leave us vulnerable if we are experiencing abuse,
but those very rules that we have been taught may restrict us from doing so.
Because how often do you think an authority figure is going to
include a rule to have themselves reported if they are the problem?
Thanks for watching everyone! I know it's been awhile since the last video
My response video will be going up to the questions you had in just a couple days
It's all set. I just wanted to get a "real" video up first.
I'm starting to get settled now and ideas are going.
So, I'm expecting to get things out a lot more often.
Here's to 2020 ending and I hope you all have been well and safe
I'll see you again soon!
[Luke] Does this mean I have a paying job?
-[Boss] Some people scratch out an existence on what you will be receiving