Okay. And then we're gonna move over here to Tennessee.
And we're going to speak to Jason. Hi, Jason, wait a minute. I didn't do that.
Right. Let me do it this way, Jason. One more time. Are you there, Jason?
I am.
Good. How many we help? Y'all doing today? We're doing well. How are you?
That's how you know he's from Tennessee.
I'm actually a Yankee.
Well, you have converted.
Yeah, God,
I've been here 12 years now and I met the love of my life when I moved here from
New York. Um, she has, she has three daughters.
Um, and unfortunately my bond with my stepdaughters was,
um, not the greatest. Um,
she left two days ago, um,
and said that she couldn't continue to put her kids
through the, uh, damaging relationship with the,
between us. Um,
she still loves me and it's tearing her apart that she had to do it,
but she can't, she doesn't want her kids to regret their childhood.
How old are? Um, I've recently, um, they're 13,
17 and 19. One of them is, uh,
left about three, four months ago to start her first year of college.
And may I ask what's so toxic about the relationship that you have with these
girls?
Unfortunately, I'm in just recently discovered by myself. Um,
I have a little bit of a control issue. Um,
it w w you know, coming into a blended family,
I didn't know how to be a parent. Um,
we had discussed in the beginning on how to what we, you know,
expectations and such, and, um, we made some mistakes and, um,
it, we tried to come back from, um, the,
where we, where we went, as far as, you know, the, the relationship, just not,
there was no bond there. And we, we kind of went out of order, if you will.
We didn't, we didn't, um,
address things in the beginning and then move on to stuff. And so, like,
she doesn't like the way I discipline. She doesn't like the way I,
I try to teach them. She says, I'm demeaning and I'm a bully.
And since then, that's the way the girls perceive you.
They perceive you as being mean and a bully. Is that correct?
Yes, sir. Okay. All right. And I, right now,
the only option I see to getting back with my wife is to mend things
with my stepdaughters, um,
and prove to them that just because we separated doesn't mean I don't want a
relationship with,
and it really tears me apart that I don't have a relationship with the oldest
daughter. She seems to Harbor the most resentment,
I guess I'm asking you. Yes. Yeah. And she,
she became in the end and it,
it became really unbearable for us to be even in the same room. Um,
especially on my wife.
How would you go about repairing things with the daughters? I mean,
if you're not living with them, what,
what do you think would be your plan to somehow repair the relationship with
them?
Um, let them know that they're important to me. Um,
how would you, I just don't know how to go about it. No. Okay. So you have,
I know, and that's, that's my struggle.
So you don't have a plan, you have a general idea, is that correct?
Yes. Yes, sir. I, I it's all happened so recently. I don't know where to turn.
I don't even know where to start. I mean,
I'm trying to fix me and that's where I'm starting.
That's the best place to start, but I want to prove yes, sir. Yes, sir.
And she, I,
I have to prove to my wife that I can,
that we can all live together as a family again. And I don't,
I don't even know where to start, how to, how do I, who do I turn to,
to help me, you know, to, to, um, to, to reach out to my,
my stepdaughters and let them know that I made mistakes. And I'm sorry. And
go ahead. Have you told, have you said anything to your stepdaughters?
Has there been any kind of apology or yes,
ma'am. I have, um, the, the, the youngest, I haven't,
she was at her father's for Thanksgiving break,
so I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet. She didn't know until yesterday.
Um, the oldest, she won't talk to me. Um, I've tried reaching out,
um, I she's off at college and, uh,
so it's kind of difficult to,
and I don't want to just show up at her door on announced, right. And make it,
make the situation awkward. Um, but I don't even,
I want to apologize to her and, and,
and try to mend things and, and,
and ha grow a relationship with her no matter how this turns
out. So you say.
That your wife says that she still loves you.
She says she loves me. Um, um, but it's hard to, uh,
be in love with me when her, when she's so torn. Okay.
And so she's being mama bear, and we understand that mothers,
mothers protect their children. That's what mothers do.
And if their perception of you is that you're the main bully.
Then her protecting them would be a logical thing to expect.
But my suggestion is this. If you're going to try to accomplish this,
first of all,
you need to go about it very slowly and very easily because of the Arctic
perceive you as being a bully that they already perceive you as being mean,
then understand, because they have that picture of you.
They have that paradigm from which they work.
You've got to be careful that you don't do anything that, uh,
seems to reinforce that view of you. Therefore, if it were,
I would do something like this, I would approach my wife and say,
I certainly understand you're protecting your daughters, not how I honored that.
I think it's a great thing to do. I also still love you.
And I realize right now, because of our situation,
you're not sure you're in love with me, but you say, you love me.
Here's what I request. May we date?
And we can no more than what's comfortable for you,
but maybe we date and none of the dating process get to know each other again.
And during this setting process, I would appreciate you teaching me. I mean,
you're the biological mom, I'm the stepdad,
teach me some things about those daughters,
about how the things I did came across badly to them and things of
that could have done or should have done that would come across better.
And if she's willing to do that kind of tutoring of you on a few dates,
then at some point, if that goes well, and she sees that you're really,
really trying to understand, and that you're asking her for the guidance,
because she's the biological mother. If she begins to trust you,
then that maybe, maybe just, maybe you could do this. Then if it were, I,
I would ask me, we also date the daughters.
What I mean is can we have some family time together?
And if you'd rather do that with one daughter and you and me at a time,
that's great. All three at a time, that's great. Whatever's comfortable for you,
but I'm trying to learn.
And obviously my intent is because I love you and I care and love for them.
I'd like to fix this. Even if we don't fix this,
maybe we can somehow offset some of the things I've done that of the other girls
to feel that way. In other words,
put the benefit of the daughters to see that I'm trying.
And if at some point down the road, we can figure out how to do this.
I've loved to have our family back together. And so you don't,
you don't become hypocritical. You don't lie. You're not going to claim.
You're trying to do something and I'm trying to do, but if it were Kimberly,
you can react to message yes. In here.
But where I would start with asking the mother for some dates and letting her
know what, that purpose that I'm here,
trying to learn how to be a better person and to understand what I did wrong and
what to do. Right. And if that works, then somewhere down the line,
asking today, the daughters, what do you think about socio suggestion as that?
I think it's, I think it's great.
The concept that we talked about with the last caller of the pies, you know,
you need to step back,
you need to work on your pies and let that bring the relationship back together.
It's similar here, but with the daughters, you know,
pies is a concept that works in any kind of relationship, but emotionally,
this is where he admitted there was a failure and that's the key.
And so you need, you know, in, even with what we teach about smart contact,
there's a daughter that doesn't want anything to do with them.
Don't push yourself. That's going, gonna make it worse.
I think that's really smart. Um,
the daughters are going to also react to an extent from their mother.
So if he is working on dating the mom and they
see from the mom is saying, no, there's change.
Then it's going to build some more trust from that point of view.
Here's a great idea.
I think it can work. I can't guarantee that it'll work,
but it's exactly how I would go at it.
And I think it has the best chance of working.
[Inaudible].