welcome back to another beautiful day during Mental Health Awareness Month and
it's also Mental Health Awareness Week but anyways in this video I'm gonna
share with all of you a little bit of a story and it's about why some of you
really need to stay single what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired
soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel right now I'm taking a little bit of a break from the stuff
going on in the YouTube community to talk about something I'm very passionate
about which is mental health so if you're into that stuff make sure you
subscribe and bring that notification about so before I jump into this story
this is going to come from a story where I was working at a rehab treatment
center where we specialized in dual diagnosis so people who have mental
illness alongside and addiction to drugs or alcohol right so couple quick things
first one is I am NOT a licensed therapist or psychologist my actual job
title for this addiction treatment center was lead alumni coordinator and
throughout this story I hope you understand a little bit more of what
that was about but the second thing is when you work in
any kind of medical setting like a hospital or a rehab like we we did
inpatient detox and that doctors and everything like that
but we are bound by something called HIPPA laws these are basically
confidentially confidentiality laws where I cannot give you the names of any
clients that I work with but after talking with some colleagues and other
people in the profession like I shared some of the stories on here but in a
HIPAA compliant way so throughout this story I am going to be talking about
interactions with some people that I've worked with but for the sake of
anonymity and not getting my butt sued I am going to leave them completely
anonymous alright so anyways yes in a in the drug alcohol recovery world there's
often a suggestion that you should say single for a year all right
this is for a million reasons when I was in the treatment center I would do
groups and I would also do one-on-one conversations with people because I'm a
person in long-term recovery next month on June 23rd I will be celebrating 7
years sober almost returning 34 years old but anyways so yeah I would do
groups I would talk to people if something I was adamant about was you
know staying single and sometimes what I would do to help solidify this fact or
the suggestion was I'll shoot them stories that I had seen in my years of
recovery or or just even experiences from the
treatment center and obviously what I would share these stories I'll have to
leave people anonymous as well because they're still HIPPA laws in that and I
would mostly share these when I would do groups at our outpatient treatment
center because an inpatient it was although men and women were in the same
building all the groups are completely separate and for very good reason
and in the outpatient setting like women had their own sober living men had their
own sober living but during groups they would have it was
co-ed all right so what you would find would be rehab romances okay this is
very common in rehab settings like one of the things is when you take drugs or
alcohol away from somebody they they're binds our brain it wants dopamine and
one of the best ways to get dopamine is love affection of somebody complimenting
you and people can quickly replace drugs and alcohol for a relationship or sex or
whatever it is right and this is why you see a lot of rehab romances I have to
tell them like listen if you think that I'm meeting your soulmate in a mental
health treatment center you need to take a step back and look at the situation
and this story I'm gonna share is a perfect example why so when I first
started working there I was already three years sober and I started working
there and I was an alumni coordinator I hadn't been promoted to lead alumni
coordinator helping with the other treatment centers around the country
Bayless so I was doing groups and there was a young woman who was actually local
here in Las Vegas and the other one came from a different part of the state and
while they were in treatment like I was always keeping an eye on people like if
a dude and a girl were like you know like I don't know mingling a little too
much I'd like to talk to him like yo do you
really think this is a good idea or whatever and this gay girl they were
they were friendly but it didn't seem like anything crazy what's going on well
anyways after our treatments and a lot of people would go to sober living in
Florida okay Florida has a ton a ton of silver living
facilities outpatient facilities insurance policies are a little bit
different out there so it's a lot easier for people to get sober living an
outpatient covered out in Florida unfortunately here in Las Vegas I don't
know if that's changed recently but we didn't have any silver livings that
insurance would cover but going out to Florida could and then some treatment
centers would you know hoping that like it on the feet get a job and everything
like that a list we've sent a lot of clients out there we would refer a lot
of clients out there like so this wasn't anything new so when this guy and his
girl went out there wasn't like any like it we decided to go together like we
would send like every time we did like discharges like every month there'd be
like it was a big facility but maybe the 20 or 30 people who would go out there
so nothing too crazy so part of my job is the alumni coordinator not just
talking with people while they were in treatment but one of my primary jobs was
to talk with them and provide them with recovery support after they left call
them you know every couple weeks to a month check and say yo how's everything
been since you left treatment you know do you need to talk to me defend you
know whatever it is so I follow up with people and you know if people didn't
have sponsors or they weren't going to meetings or thing weren't following up
with their discharge plan by going to therapy or taking their meds I would
talk to him to like listen like do the stuff that we told you to do you should
be fine well anyways what I would call this young woman in this young man and
like a lot of social media account I found out that they were dating I'm like
a difficult subject right but things were working out between them it was
working out amazingly the only time that I've seen relationships in the early
recovery like this work out is when both people both people and this is like I'm
telling you there's like three out of maybe a thousand couples that I've seen
three couples have actually worked okay this is one of the reasons I'm so
passionate about this and in this instance is work
it's because both people are working very hard on their recovery they both
have their own therapist they both have their own meetings they both have their
own sponsors they're both working their own steps right and these two were doing
great because they were doing that they were both on their own recovery paths
the reason why it gets screwed up is because some people get rid of all the
things they should be doing they're like okay I don't need I don't need all this
other stuff you are going to keep me sober and if you're a drug addict or
alcoholic you realize like you know people can't keep us sober right so they
were doing well and I'll follow up with them for months and months and
everything was going great and then it came time to for them to discharge from
that outpatient about outpatient actually helped set them up with jobs
and everything so a lot of people would get on their feet
well what worried me was they decided to move in together
I typically somebody will get their own place or with some other women or you
know a man will get a home with some other men like when I first got sober
when I got a sober living I became roommates with two of my best
friends from the sober living so it was like a sober living but not a sober
living but anyways these two decide to work move in together I'm like that
might be dangerous right well what ended up happening now it's
important realized she came in for an alcohol addiction she had alcoholism the
guy came in for a heroin addiction so one day when they're at their apartment
you know and this is after weeks of not going to meetings anymore not going to
therapy anymore things like that just relying on each other one what one night
and I know this because she told me this they were just sitting around and they
were talking and he was telling her he's like you know what you never even got to
try heroin right and like with nobody else around them to like say yo like
this is not a good conversation like she just kind of looks at him she's like
yeah you know what I've never tried heroin okay so this is after these two
have like six to nine months sober he stalks her in to trying heroin for the
first time okay so they get heroin and I not exaggerating this within two weeks
they lost everything they lost their jobs they sold everything they had
including a car to get more dope okay and went down very quickly okay and
that's typically how relapses are and what ended up happening was this love of
her life this guy right he ended up ditching her in Florida
because his parents flew him back home to this whole city here in Nevada and he
went into treatment so now she's stranded in Florida with nothing so
anyways her mom ends up driving cross-country from Nevada to Florida to
pick her up and bring her back to Las Vegas and she comes back into treatment
and like she's like Chris I should have listened to you guys when you said don't
get in relationship all these things and I'm like listen
lesson learned grow from this learn from this you know get back on track with
your recovery she was an awesome young woman really passionate about her
recovery and getting clean so she say the treatment another 30 to 45 days she
ended up getting out and I believe I believe her family like sort of paying
for her apartment when she went to outpatient and she got a new job so she
had her own place and I used to one weekly meetings at the treatment center
for the alumni and she comes in she's like Chris I need to talk to you am i
okay let's talk and she said Chris he he just got a hold of me he's getting he
he's getting out of treatment and he says like he misses me and he wants to
try this again he wants to come down here I move here with me I'm like
absolutely not okay but I'm a realist okay I know that I'm not going to keep
two people from not dating each other right so I tell her I said listen okay
my suggestion is do not let him move in with you here's what I would recommend
you have your own place he moves back to Las Vegas he goes into a sober living
you guys start dating and see how things go all right and then revisit this
conversation later and I also told her to talk to her sponsor about into things
like that like when I give people suggestions I get more suggestions than
just mine like when to other people in recovery because a
lot of people come to me for advice just because I've been sober for you know a
little while but what I tell people is my my opinion my suggestions are not the
end-all be-all typically I will say like that's your sponsor like your sponsor
tells you to do something that contradicts what my suggestion was do it
your sponsor says they know much more about you because addicts and alcoholics
though don't kind of we fit a little you know what I mean
so anyways we had that conversation next thing I know this fool moves in with her
so she disregarded everybody suggestions and let this guy move in with her so he
moves in with her and things go well for like a week or two right like she comes
back to my weekly meeting she brings him I'm nice to him I'm like hey man you
know glad to see that you're doing alright okay you know whatever well then
like that was the first week the second week she comes and he doesn't and I'm
talking to him like hey what's going on where's she having everything she's like
oh he doesn't think he needs meetings and things like that I'm like this isn't
going too well next thing you know she stops showing up but she keeps talking
to me and he convinced her that she's she's not really an alcoholic and she
can drink a little bit right so she starts having some wine at night and
this guy starts doing drugs again and she's telling me about this I'm like
this is a very slippery slope like you're gonna have to set up some
boundaries right and you're drinking and everything like this is not good well
anyways he started bringing drugs back over she ends up doing heroin some more
and everything like that and what ends up happening is she calls
me bawling her eyes out and freaking out one morning I'm like hey what what's
going on what what's happening and she just has no idea what to do well what
happened was was one night she was at home and he left to go over to a
neighbor's house to do some drugs I don't know what drugs they were I don't
know if it was meth I don't know if there were psychedelics I don't know if
he just had a bad a bad reaction to some if I'm being honest but the dude went
completely psychotic so he comes back home and she's telling me this story
while just bawling her eyes out she comes back home and he grabs a knife and
he's just talking crazy talking about how you know they need to just die
together and nobody gets them they're you know they're gonna die and he ends
up starting to cut his wrists in front of her okay
and after he cuts himself which I'm guessing wasn't too deep he goes and he
attacks her with a knife so they can die together
alright and he cuts her up and thank god she's able to call 9-1-1 think she got
out of the apartment that cop showed up he ends up getting arrested she doesn't
press charges against him but she's crying a Bolinger lives out on my girl
like let's figure this out we get her back into treatment everything like that
this guy ends up going to like a psych hospital for a bit and like the second
half of this story like it's just pretty quick like basically what happened was
he he got out of treatment he sweet-talked her again she asked me if I
if I think that she should let him move in you know because she feels bad for
him she wants to help him like this Savior this captain save an addict right
I feel bad I feel the person he has it ha right and she loves to move back in
next thing you know they relapse again and everything just happens over and
over and over again and like I tell this story to people because there is a
reason why we tell people in early recovery that you should stay single for
a year okay like one of the reasons is I think so often attracted to other
addicts because so what is funnily like getting me nobody understands what it's
like to be me but you meet another drug out of key we think it's kind of cute
too you think that this is the first person the only person in the world who
understands you like you guys this is what the whole basis of 12-step programs
is based off of alright like one addict helping another addict is extremely
peuta because they understand each other not everybody you meet is your soulmate
but like this story you get caught up in terrible situations awful situations
because people are extremely vulnerable relapse rates are extremely high in the
first year the longer you stay sober the more relapse rates go down alright and
what ended up happening with them was after multiple times of them relapsing
together I don't think he attacked her again by any way she she kept calling me
and would be back and forth about coming back into treatment and everything like
that and like just every week like she she like was getting a trouble at work
because if we're drinking even with this guy moved away because relapses are
difficult man you never know when they're going to end like my last
relapse started with one pill it took a year and a half you know what I mean so
like she was stuck in it she'd called me like once a week crying and saying she
wanted help but she didn't know what to do and everything so finally finally I
talked her into coming back into treatment and she came back in and the
last I know about her was she started dating a guy in rehab like when she was
in treatment she just started dating a guy in rehab this guy was so similar to
the last guy that she just had this issue with and he would like come and
talk to me about how like she's sending a mixed signals and stuff I'm like oh my
god you guys like so like listen I am no expert on no authority I'm just somebody
who's been in this realm for you know coming up on seven years I've seen
thousands upon thousands upon thousands of different situations working in
treatment being in 12-step programs just knowing a lot of people who struggle
with addiction trying to get sober like I don't want these types of stories to
deter anybody from getting sober like getting sober as possible I'm living
proof like I was somebody who was hopeless and suicidal at the end of my
addiction so if I can do it anybody can do it but the problem is is that a lot
of people don't take suggestions they want to do what they want to do and
especially when it comes to relationships everybody all right so
ninety-nine out of hundred relationships fail I'm gonna be
the one all right like what I always tell them is like I guarantee you can
find a story about someone jumping out of an airplane and their parachute not
working and them surviving but that doesn't mean you should jump out of an
airplane and not pull up in your shoe thinking you're gonna be one of the the
select few who survive this so if you're in early recovery think long and hard
about getting into a relationship and when I first got sober I didn't believe
it either but the people in my life were living
proof I wash my friend's drop off like flies because all of them started to
date in early recovery and in most situations either one person would
relapse or both people would relapse all right I'm very very not even mean
one of my best friends is very fortunate because he got into a relationship in
early recovery he got his heart broken after they like they started dating
within the first three months he got his heart broken by her and thank God he was
able to stay sober and he's celebrating seven years this year - all right but
anyways I'm thinking about doing more rehab story times and just like share my
experience about that so if you like this please make sure you give it a
thumbs up let me know down in the comments below your experience on this
or if you'd like me to make more videos about this it's kind of stuff and just
my experience you know without breaking any HIPPA laws and keeping things pretty
anonymous I think I did a pretty good job yeah I've done this a million times
anyways that's all I got for this video again please like this video to let me
know that I should do more videos like this and if you're new here make sure
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good stuff click the top right there alright thanks again so so much for
watching I'll see you next time