The power of not reacting! In this video I'll explain why there is great power in
not reacting as emotionally or intensely to other people. Welcome to The SCG Show! This
video is officially sponsored by BetterHelp! Get 10% off your first month in the description below
I believe we live in a reactionary society,we love seeing how people respond to certain news,
situations, information and more. There are literally reaction channels on YouTube on
an array of different topics because we're all unique, we have different, takes and opinions and
we all respond differently... but let's talk about pressing buttons. There are some people no matter
how good you are or decent you are to them as well that will push your buttons. They will be annoying,
they'll be difficult, they'll be toxic, irritating and passive aggressive. By doing so we get really
upset, we get angry, we get stressed and frustrated and we just explode at them or we feel the need to!
I dated a narcissist a few years ago. I was in a toxic relationship, she pushed my buttons, she was
childish, difficult and annoying and I regret losing my cool, reacting and taking the bait
constantly with her, because essentially I was with the wrong person, and I tried to convince
myself we were meant for each other and things would work out... but I was wrong, and you'll never
be good enough for the wrong person! The logical scenario was to walk away, but instead I endured
the relationship for years, causing me to react and react and react negatively and worse over time.
But in regards to other people such as our friends and family members or normal
healthier partners we can still react, we may lose our cool, we may raise our voice, we may
escalate things, get trapped in a bit of an argument, we may even lose a bit of control,
because we get essentially triggered by something and then our mind races and we
fixate, fester and brood and we just want to resolve things. The opposite to all of this
is not reacting which has great power behind it. Let me explain why and how you can do this
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I'm 35 years of age as I record this and only recently I've discovered the ultimate
antidote to being and feeling defensive! I'm a passionate, emotional sensitive man
and I've grown up to be a very reactionary person, who takes things personally, be hurt by certain
words and also be very defensive. In my life I've had major falling outs with people, close people in
my life because they decided to launch a tirade at me for no reason and get hurtful with their
words. They've called me "stupid", they've called me "ugly" they've called me "a loser" they've said
I would never amount to anything. Those are some of the things people have thrown at me out of the
blue as well, because maybe they saw me as an easy target or perhaps I was their emotional punching
bag and naturally that emotional sensitive side of me would be filled with rage and I'd either sulk
fight back or just shut down. I'd say to them "How dare you! You're stupid! You're vile! I hate you!"
Looking back on every single time of our life where I've lost control and reacted
even when it might have been justified I regret.. because I've discovered defensiveness confirms
accusations. For example if somebody calls me "A stupid donkey" with viciousness and aggression if
I'm going to react get loud, aggressive myself... isn't that confirming it to be true? Isn't my
reaction reinforcing the accusation "I'm a stupid donkey?" I believe it is. This concept has been
truly mind-blowing and has de-escalated so many arguments and conflicts in my life immediately
even if there's truth behind what they say, just respond with a "Thank you," it doesn't make you
weak nor does it make you a pushover, in fact having the self-control to be able to respond
in such a way is more confident, attractive and amazing than you would ever begin to imagine.
If you're getting value from this video please hit the like button for the YouTube algorithm and
support my channel by becoming an official member! The link for memberships is in the description
below. By not being reactive you can take a step back and assess the situation before responding
Basically you'll have greater control! Carter was a very reactive guy.. no matter what and in
any given way he'd always be too emotionally reactive when it came to a decision he'd make
The worst situation was when he was dating the wrong woman. They got on kind of okay but for
the long term there were reservations about them being a good match. They were opposites,
they would clash on morals and principles and they actually wanted different thing.s
They were not even close to going to the next level. Then suddenly news broke out
that one of his closest friends was getting married and Carter got jealous and upset
"Maybe I should get engaged? I want to get married!" he said panicking. Carter proposed, she said yes
they rushed into marriage, bought a home with the wrong person. Remember you will never be good
enough for the wrong person! A long story short the relationship fell apart, got divorced and
he's now single broke and miserable. I personally was not too dissimilar to Carter. I was very close
to taking a toxic relationship I was in to the next level, but fortunately I walked away forever
The point here is when we get emotional or our minds race or we've lost control to a thought
an idea a person a situation we lose control over our lives. I love being and feeling more grounded
now, especially when I get triggered by other people and their actions or when they accuse
me or try to attack me, and with that control I'm able to think logically and more rationally and
the more often I do that, the more I'm able to do that in my work as well and other important areas
in my life, as will you too. Prepare to have greater control of your most precious thing ever your life
Thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this video! I've personally used BetterHelp and
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link below or visit betterhelp.com/scgshow for 10% off your first month of online
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The power of not reacting will improve self-awareness. Taking the time to pause and assess
a situation before reacting helps you become more aware of your own emotions and reactions. This
leads to greater self-awareness and understanding of yourself and your overall reactions
Without realizing sometimes as much as other people can be the problem and can be difficult
We're No Angels ourselves! We can get quiet, we con pout, be moody, be passive aggressive, short
and snappy and if we are quick to get defensive to another person who we might have already treated
unfairly or harshly that gets them defensiv...e then things escalate get heated and out of control
Let me give you two contrasting examples of this in action = A partner is sitting down watching TV
and they suddenly tell you that you've upset them, you've been moody all day. "I've tried cheering you
up but all you've done is sulk!" You react "How dare you! All you do is nag! I'm sick of you!!" An argument
ensues, things get out of control until hours later you're exhausted from the shouting and bickering.
Scenario number two = You and your partner are sitting down watching TV and they suddenly tell
you you've upset them! "You've been Moody all day! I've tried cheering you up but all you do is sulk!"
Remember defensiveness confirms accusation you say "Wow I didn't even realize you thought that way...
do you want to talk about it?!" They might still be emotional, they might unload and
you sit there and listen then you take it on board if need be as they eventually calm down..
and you go back to connecting with one another. You have the self-awareness to recognize they are
perhaps being sensitive or you did something wrong to trigger them and instead you hand it all with
grace and respect and maturity... Taking the time to pause and assess situations before responding
allows you to consider how your reactions and decisions will affect your relationships with
others and even yourself.... but before I continue this point I want to highlight that this will
not improve relationships with toxic or extremely difficult people. You can be non-reactive with them
but you're actually better off walking away from them...keeping them at arm's length and not engaging
at all. Let's discuss preventing escalation.. perhaps you're really enmeshed with someone, a family
member, a partner. The more comfortable you become with one another the more obviously you're going
to be clashing and maybe getting on each other's nerves and the more likely you or they will start
telling home truths and voicing concerns. But let's do a scenario = Let's assume this other person Comes
Out Swinging with the most passionate unloading of criticism and feedback... it's so explosive that it
feels like you can't do anything right. "You're the worst person on Earth!" and they're fed up with you
You could react and fight back, throw shade on them, nurse your ego to feel better about yourself
or you could prevent that escalation by calming down in another room, having a bit
of space, going for a walk and then coming back with a non-reactive response...However that may be
for example they say "You upset me! You never do anything right! You're always hurting me!"
You respond with "Well thank you for telling me how you feel. I assure you that I would never
do anything to hurt you and of course I'm human I'm still bound to make mistakes time and again."
You don't need to come across an aggressive assertive tone or be loud... the calmer you
speak, the quicker you'll defuse the situation and move on and have better and improve relationships
I assure you the more you respond in this way over time you'll have the
best relationships and connections you've ever had in your entire life.