‘Did you see anyone out there?’ ‘No, but there is blood everywhere.’
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Alright now, let’s review’
Yes, let’s. We’re looking at Shakma.
‘Shakma?’
Set in a medical school where they’ve been injecting the eponymous baboon with a serum.
‘It usually inhibits aggression. Sometimes it has the opposite effect.’
I wonder what it will do in Shakma’s case.
Shakma is put to sleep and the students put the incident behind them.
‘This is going to be our best game ever.’
By playing a live roleplaying game through the corridors of the school,
‘The computer lab is a cavern. It should be dark.’
Under the instruction of Professor/Dungeon Master Roddy McDowall.
‘Let the game begin.’
Players include Sam and his girlfriend Tracy.
‘But, I'll be working long hours at the hospital and You’ll have to stay home and cook my meals and mend my socks and make me little Sams.’
Slacker Richard.
Richard’s sister, Kim, who has a crush on Sam that he is not doing much to dissuade.
‘and this attractive young woman who claims to be related to you.’
If I didn’t have a girlfriend I’d be railing your sister.
and some others,
'You idiot.'
whose personalities are perfunctory enough to guarantee their deaths.
‘Pay attention or this is going to be a short game.’
If only. The first mistake this movie makes is the assumption anyone would want to watch them playing this damn game,
‘Gamesmaster I’m in room 208, collected an amulet and clue and am requesting a key to continue my quest in room 210.’
But, fortunately, Shakma is not dead, and…
Upping the stakes in the game as he takes out player after player.
Don’t hurt me! I was in planet of the apes!
Fairly early, Sam and Tracy realise what is going on.
‘Don’t you think we should get help?’
I do, but I’ve seen enough of these movies to know that ain’t gonna happen.
‘I think I can handle him’
I expect it, but it always irritates me, and this is a particularly egregious example partly because they know what they have to do.
‘We have to find the others then we can go to a lower level, break a window.’
They just don’t do it,
also because, briefly, for Shakma to work, none of the doors in this building can lock,
except those with phones behind them which are all locked.
‘So what are we going to do, the only phones are in the teachers offices.’
As is the fire escape and all other doors to the outside.
I’ll come to windows later, but you have to accept that there’s no way out and no way to contact the outside.
‘We’ve got to get out of here.’
Incidentally, you also have to accept that their efforts to warn their friends are somewhere between pitiful and non-existent.
‘What is going on here Tracy?’
She doesn’t tell him.
The ‘why don’t they just leave’ issue is common to all these films so you need to distract the audience with sub-plots,
#Enter the code#
Once again, the role play game did not hold my attention,
but we’ve still got the love triangle to resolve.
Well, that should do it.
Oh no, she’s still… ah.
Bad news for Sam but at least he has a spare.
'Rescue me.'
He and Kim are the last ones standing and now spot Richard’s girlfriend outside waiting for him.
'One two three, LAURA!'
#horrible 80s music#
So they yell through a closed window on an upper floor rather than opening a window on a lower floor.
There must be a better plan than this.
I’m not sure throwing forks out the window is it.
Looking for something else to throw Tracy finds a clue from the game.
'Weapons!'
and…
Boy, if only the people killed by Shakma had known there was a bag of marbles right there.
'No! Laura!'
Wow, it felt like that was going to work.
'Stupid game.'
Really seemed like the film was building to something there but it’s just marking time
and trying to give the impression that they are attempting to leave when in reality they never seem to go lower than the 4th floor.
And now…
Down goes Kim.
I don’t know why he always feels the need to move the bodies.
Also vying for your attention is Sam’s character arc.
‘You’re going to have to lose this sensitive side if you plan on being a Doctor, you'll never make any money.’
A subtle insecurity about his masculinity.
‘Sam, Don’t be such a girly man.’
Tracy of course knows better.
‘You’re so male’
‘You can’t do everything Sam, no matter how macho you are.’
Would we say macho?
‘Tracy, are you okay?’
Maybe not.
'That's not going to help.'
Only time they try to get into a room with a phone.
It’s not helped by him repeatedly putting Tracy in danger while he goes and does something else.
'Hold this.'
But now, with everyone else dead, it’s time for Sam to be a man.
Specifically MacGyver, and…
#Buzzzz# - Does anyone smell burning hair?
Doesn’t go brilliantly.
'ARRRRRGHHHHH!'
That was pretty manly.
Eventually, he does manage to outwit a baboon.
'I win.'
I’m not sure anybody ‘wins’.
The film’s saving grace is the performance of Typhoon the baboon, who also appeared in the Fly.
'You tell me, am I different somehow?'
Winning the Dark Corners King Kong award for genuinely brilliant animal acting.
Thanks for watching. For more when nature attacks film reviews, click here.
This is one of those films that would be ruined by mobile phone,
what other movies couldn’t hold up with modern technology?
Let us know in the comments below.