Hi, my name is Kevin Nealon,
and I feel,
and I feel.
I'm gonna try that again.
It's Kevin Nealon.
(Sona laughing)
Okay. (clears throat)
Hi, my name is Kevin Nealon
and I feel duped
about helping Conan O'Brien.
Oh, sorry. Let's try it again.
You didn't help me.
How did you help me?
It's with being Conan O'Brien's friend.
It's subliminal,
it's subconscious.
Oh, okay.
Subconscious.
I didn't dupe you.
Subconscious.
You are here to promote-
I wish I knew there was homework.
I would've done this at home.
(Conan sighs)
Right. Hang on a second.
No, no, no.
I want all of this in, by the way,
I want all of this in.
I feel blank about being Conan O'Brien-
I think that's correct.
What's the right answer?
There is no right answer.
Okay.
They're just what you feel inside.
But you're an empty man.
You're an empty medicine cabinet.
(Sona laughing)
I feel-
Hi, my name is Kevin Nealon
and I feel obligated
about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
I do feel that way.
Do you really?
I feel like you do have no friends.
Aww.
Okay.
Well, first of all,
that's a terrible thing to say.
I know you'll take it back eventually.
Was there any more print on here or just that?
I'm gonna take that piece of paper away from you.
Listen to me.
Sorry.
You often come to me
and ask me for favors
and I always do them.
I'm-
You know what?
Is that true?
Every time I ask, you go,
he's gonna draw the line here.
He's not gonna do this.
And yet,
time and time again-
I met you in the woods to shoot your
"Kevin Nealon Takes a Walk."
It's "Hiking with Kevin."
Thank you.
Oh, sorry.
I think 'cause subliminally
I wish you would take a walk.
To shoot this, your podcast,
you had me meet you early in the morning
and you trudge me all around the place
and I thought I was a real good sport about it.
Stop sipping.
What are you sipping?
Tell me something I don't know.
Okay.
You don't think I knew
you weren't a good sport?
You used me.
You used me all the time.
I did use you. I do.
And then you act
as if you're obligated to be here
on the podcast today.
I don't act like it.
I am obligated.
No, you're here to promote your book.
I'm helping you get the word out.
I brought the book
'cause I thought you would have
some nice reading material here
since it's so slow.
(Sona and Conan laughs)
I don't know that you're a good friend.
I honestly don't.
And there's pictures in there, too,
if you don't feel like reading.
Okay.
We're gonna get to the book
because I have some problems with the book.
Namely, it's all these
iconic people in television
that you've worked with and-
Okay now he's doing visual bits.
It's not a visual bit at all.
Yeah, you're drinking coffee with a straw
while you drink water out of a glass.
If you replay this,
you'll hear it's audible.
I was slurping the straw.
Alright, come on.
Let's get down to it here, man.
You know-
You think I could stay here all day?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think you should
stay here all day.
So yeah, you went on the hike with me.
I appreciate that.
That show "Hiking with Kevin"
is premiering.
October 27th is the new season four.
How did you think our episode went?
I haven't edited yet,
but I'll fix it in post.
Fix it?
I thought I was fantastic.
I was-
You were good.
You lagged behind a little bit,
if I recall correctly.
Well, you kept making me stop
because you had a drone
that you brought that you operated
to get overhead shots.
You kept making me stop
so that you could unfold and then,
apparently for the first time,
work this fucking drone
to take overhead shots
of us taking a walk
'cause everyone wants to see
the top of our heads
while we walk through a forest.
And then you'd say,
"Stop. Stop. Turn around.
Okay, come back this way now,
come back.
Now look like you're looking to the right.
Now look like you're looking to the left.
Now come forward."
(Conan imitates drone sounds)
And we were on a public path
and it's very clear that you're not allowed
to have drones in this area.
And old ladies were coming by
on their morning hike.
(Conan imitates drone sounds)
And you'd say,
"Watch out, watch out, watch out."
(Conan imitates drone sounds)
And they'd be like,
"Oh, always.
Oh, is it a hawk?"
"Nope. Nope. Not a hawk.
Keep moving through.
Come on.
Let's go ladies."
It was the least pleasant hike
I've ever taken.
How dare you?
How dare I?
I went my out of my way
to have a hike with you,
'cause I felt bad for you.
And obviously you had no exercise.
(Conan and Sona laughs)
No, no.
The drone is really a great addition.
That's like you having a mic for your show.
I don't see what the drone added.
I'm not finished
with the defense of the drone.
Okay.
The drone is amazing.
And it's amazing to watch in editing.
I'm serious about this
because the guests
are just standing around like,
they're checking their phones.
Yes.
'Cause you bully them.
But you take a look,
you take a look
and you see the increased value
and attraction to the show
from the drone.
Okay, well it stops-
Every time we got a nice conversation going,
you would say, "Hold it, stop,"
unpack this metallic suitcase,
unwind and unfold this drone.
What nice conversation
are you talking about?
We had some nice chats going on,
I thought.
I thought we had a nice comedic roll going
and you kept stopping it.
I think when we said goodbye to each other
that was a nice conversation.
(Sona laughs)
You said,
"Thanks, this'll do,"
turned on your heels.
I said, "Thanks.
This'll barely do."
This'll barely do.
That's right.
And then I think you went and had coffee
with the drone.
You know where that drone is right now?
Where?
It's in some dumpster,
'cause I crashed it.
I crashed it into a tree,
and it was like a high tree,
and it was falling,
hitting branch by branch.
And I'm thinking to myself as it's falling,
"Okay. It might be okay.
It might be okay."
And there's one rock under that tree,
one big rock,
and it hit that rock.
And it just scattered everywhere.
Yeah.
This is all "Hiking with Kevin."
"Hiking with Kevin" is a terrific show.
No, it's a great show.
It's a great show.
And you know,
I get different guests like yourself
and I think when you're hiking outside
people let their guard down.
Not you though,
but most people let their guard down
and they're very, you know,
forthcoming.
Yeah.
I had trouble putting my guard down
because I kept dodging the drone
as it got very close to my face.
You wanna hear a true story?
Finally, yeah, sure.
Okay, forget it.
No, no.
Let's go.
Let's hear a true story.
I was hiking with Kim Basinger
and I almost flew the drone into her face.
Oh, God.
Can you imagine if I had done that?
How fast I would've been running out of there?
Well, that's the other thing.
I think your instinct
shouldn't have been to run,
it would be to help Kim in that moment
and give her,
I call her Kim 'cause we're close.
Yeah.
And-
Name a star I'm not close with.
How many people do you know?
Have you ever counted?
Very few.
No, you've been everywhere.
I've been everywhere
and I've met everyone.
But who do I know?
Who do I really know?
I mean, I've met a lot of people.
But you're not that friendly.
Are you?
Look at me.
I think-
I am looking at you.
For one minute,
look at me.
I think I am a friendly fellow.
I really do.
Sona, jump in.
Do you think I'm a friendly fellow?
I wanna take Kevin's side.
Okay.
You know what we're gonna do?
First of all,
you're not a fellow.
We're going to-
We're going to just pretend
I didn't throw it to Sona.
Or is there a way we can edit in a
"you sure are, boss."
No.
Why did you think
that would turn out differently?
I don't know.
I think I am a friendly chaperu.
I really do.
Do you think you're a good listener?
I didn't hear a word.
(Sona laughs)
I have tinnitus.
It's the straw bits.
The straw bits are fantastic.
Do you have a good memory?
I think I do. Sure.
All right.
And you a good listener?
I'm a good listener.
I'm gonna give you a date.
Okay.
October 27.
Yep.
2022.
Yep.
What's happening on that date?
That is the date
that you are doing something to help you.
I'm gonna guess it's the day-
No, no.
Not just me,
but other people as well.
And I'll explain.
Okay. Go ahead.
No, well what's the date first?
What's happening on the day?
It's a day where Kevin Nealon
is gonna do a lot to get his own name out there
in the guise of helping others.
What is it you're doing?
And what is that?
I don't know. Honestly.
Oh, my God.
Sona, you know, right?
No.
It's a benefit.
It's "Hiking with Kevin."
It premiering the fourth season.
Oh, yeah!
Why do I even bother coming here
if you're not listening?
Can I say that again and we can drop that in?
No, we can't.
'Cause I wanna make sure
Kevin looks good.
And yes, I do hike with people
that are very nice to do it
and they don't complain
or make me feel guilty.
And it's helping them too
'cause it's exercise.
And I've started so many people on hiking,
you know, people started hiking.
I canceled my trainer
to go hike with you,
and ended up standing in a forest
while you assembled
and disassembled the drone.
So I got less exercise with you
than I would have
had I blown off the "Hiking with Kevin" show.
And now listen,
people listening right now are thinking
these two don't like each other.
And I wanna make it very clear-
Oh, my God.
Not in the least sense.
I wanna make it very clear.
Look at me.
I love you.
Conan, I love you more.
If you should die today,
or even tomorrow,
I would-
(Conan laughs)
Wait. Is it today or tomorrow?
I'd like to know.
Hopefully today.
(Conan and Kevin laughs)
No, I'm kidding.
I love you.
And I would really-
I'm a little concerned about you because,
I mean, I'm not kidding around,
I said-
Who was I talking to the other day?
Do you remember?
(Conan and Kevin laughs)
I don't, I don't.
I was thinking,
"That Conan man,
he just doesn't stop.
What is he running from?"
Or what is he running to?
What is he running to?
Yeah.
What is it that you're trying to do?
What kind of void are you trying to fill?
This is a-
Look at me.
I'm looking at you.
I think that's an incredibly deep question.
I think it's a fair question.
I think like a lot of us,
I have things to work out.
You yourself famously don't connect.
You often don't look at me over the years.
You are a guy that internalizes a lot.
How can I look at you
when I read about you all the time
and I see you everywhere?
Posters, billboards,
you know, stickers,
Banksy pictures of you
on the side of like, you know,
broken down buildings.
Well, first of all,
they put 'em on broken down buildings
'cause they erase them
if you put 'em on like a city bank.
Yes, I suppose I've become
somewhat of an iconic figure.
You, actually, you are iconic.
And when you die,
which may be soon-
(Conan laughs)
It's either today or tomorrow.
I swear Banksy's gonna do
pictures of you everywhere.
Yeah, I hope so.
I hope so.
And you're gonna be a legend one day.
Not now.
Some people say that I'm a legend right now.
But don't you have to be dead
to be a legend?
I could be legendary right now.
I think you can be legendary
while you're still alive.
Yeah. Legendary.
But a legend you think?
Sure. Yeah.
And how so?
Well, oh God, he's taking another sip.
You know,
this is a audio medium
and you're doing visual shtick left and right.
I'm not looking for laughs.
I'm just behaving as I would
in front of an iconic legend.
(Sona laughing)
I give you every opportunity,
I try and connect with you.
I'll tell you one thing you do
that I do find very revealing.
You tend-
I get texts from you,
'cause you live around the corner from me,
and the texts say,
"I'm hiking past your house right now.
Do you want to join me?"
But I don't get the text in real time
and you give me no notice.
So you refuse to make a plan
to take a non-filmed hike with me.
You'll take a hike
and then you'll text me
as you're walking past my house.
It's not filmed,
but I do have the drone with me.
(Conan and Kevin laughs)
But I'm curious about that.
I think it's because
you don't really want to
take a walk with me.
You want to look like you're making the effort
but you text as you're passing.
I don't think you can make a plan
to be social.
First of all,
you say I'm "hiking" past your house.
You make it sound like
we're in the woods and you live in a cottage,
you know, up in some trail.
Okay.
But no, I'm just walking by your house.
Is that gas you just had right now?
What happened?
What's happening right now?
That was,
I had gastric bypass this morning.
This morning?
Yeah. On the way over.
And you still kept this appointment to be here?
Do you know I was 350 pounds
when I left my house today?
I know that they took the walls down
to get you out.
Hey, what about those people
that are those plus sizes
that can't get out bed?
Yeah. It's tough.
That's rough.
Do they build the house around them?
Is that how they get in there?
No, I think the idea is that
they gain the weight
while they were in the house.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
I don't think a contractor comes
and builds the house around them.
You don't think they came in
through the garage?
Look at me.
(Kevin laughs)
Seriously-
Tell me about yourself.
(Sona laughs)
My name's Conan O'Brien.
I first met you, of course,
at Saturday Night Live.
Yeah.
You were very nice to me.
I famously told Lauren,
you're my favorite cast member.
I never knew that.
Yeah, you did.
I told you that.
And he frowned.
Famous cast member in what way?
You were my favorite cast member.
Cast member or stand-up?
No, you were my favorite cast member on SNL.
I told Lauren that.
He said, "Which and which is your favorite?"
And I said, "I think I like Kevin the best
'cause he's-"
Smart.
Take it easy.
I'm getting there.
(Conan and Kevin laughs)
You can't even let me compliment you.
I said a lot of nice things about you.
I feel uncomfortable.
I feel uncomfortable
when someone's talking nicely about me.
Okay.
Why is that, doctor?
I'll tell you why.
Because deep down
you know you're not worthy of it.
Wow. That is so true.
Yeah.
You know that you're just a bully.
But when I came here-
A creep.
An interrupter.
(Conan laughs)
When I came to your show,
I thought to myself,
"This is a show I am worthy for."
Yeah.
Even though everything else I'm unworthy.
(Conan and Kevin laughs)
You finally found a bar low enough.
Good for you.