Liddy: Hello, my spectacular viewers, to my Exclusive First-hand Interview
with half of the most interesting couple in town.
Liddy (baby voice): Are you in love Bathsheba?
Bathsheba: No, we're not a couple and no one is in love.
Liddy: He is.
Cause every time you TOOUCCHHH you gets this kind of RUSSHHHHHH
Bathsheba: Yeaaah no! Definitely not like that.
Liddy: It is so like that.
Bathsheba: And you shouldn't be filming people without their permission
Liddy: Oh it's fine, he probably doesn't even know what the internet is.
Bathsheba: I'm pretty sure he does-
[Child crying heard over a baby monitor]
Liddy: Your turn, go on!
Bathsheba: Aaargghhh
[Crying continues in background]
Liddy: This is the final will and testament of your favorite vlogger: Liddy Smallbury.
Dying at the tender age of 18,
because Bathsheba made the rookie mistake
of agreeing to babysit Maryann's demonic son.
Bathsheba [to child]: WILL YOU STOP!
Liddy: Ladies and Gentlemen, if I don't make it back, Jenn can have my Harry Styles poster.
Actually, no.
She didn't invite me to her party, so that can go to charity.
Bathsheba: Would you stop vlogging and help me?
Liddy: I'm not going anywhere near that monster.
The crying is giving me an ear infection!
Bathsheba: That's not how ear infections happen!
Liddy: It's like that scene in the Hunger Games
where Peeta is stuck behind the glass barrier,
but instead of Prim's voice,
all I have is 'WAH MWAH WAAAH' ARGH!
[Baby still crying. Even more aggressively]
Bathsheba: Maybe it would stop crying if you stopped being mean and actually helped.
Liddy: Mean? No, you know what’s mean?
Making me come down here when I’m not the one who agreed to babysit him.
There's a reason we say no to Maryann!
Bathsheba: Well what can I do?
I pick it up, it cries.
I put it down, it cries.
Where am I going wrong?
Liddy: Perhaps Cash wouldn't like to be called 'it'.
Bathsheba: You've been calling it 'it' all day!!
Liddy: I'm not the one baby-sitting him, am I?
Bathsheba: Agh, just give me a real idea,
I'm losing my mind!
Liddy: Fine, let's look it up.
Okay.
Ways to stop a baby crying.
Thanks internet!
Number one: sing to it.
Bathsheba: That's not a bad idea.
Liddy: Maryann says he likes Johnny Cash.
Well he better, since he's named after him.
Bathsheba: Do you know any Johnny Cash songs?
Liddy: ... No.
Do you?
Bathsheba: Maybe he likes the Spice Girls?
Liddy: Have you tried feeding him?
Bathsheba: Yep. Not hungry.
Definitely not hungry.
Liddy: They say overstimulation can cause it.
So stop stimulating him!
Bathsheba: Okaaaay.
[Crying still going strong]
Bathsheba: It won't stop.
It'll never stop.
This is our lives now.
Stuck in a continuous world of never ending tears.
Liddy: There is one solution.
Bathsheba: I've already tried calling Maryann
but her phone's off because of the concert!
Liddy: Oh, not Maryann.
I think you know who we need to call.
Bathsheba: Please say Ghostbusters.
Please say Ghostbusters.
Liddy: We need to call Gabriel!
Bathsheba: What?!! No!
When I told him I was baby-sitting,
he told me I couldn't do it
and I'm not about to prove him right.
Liddy: Yeah, okay, but- Bathsheba [interrupting]: Nope!
Liddy: But, Bathsheba, listen! Bathsheba: No. Nope!
[Liddy laughs]
Bathsheba: What? What did he say?
Liddy: He said you have to ask him nicely first.
Bathsheba: What? No. Absolutely not.
[Crying suddenly stops, child starts cooing]
[Crying suddenly starts again]
Bathsheba: AAAARGGGGHHHH!!!!
PASS ME THE PHONE!!
Liddy: Gabe, you are officially my favourite person on the whole planet!!!
Gabriel: Woah. [Bathsheba laughs]
Liddy: I never thought it would end..
[Gabriel laughs]
Gabriel: Thanks, I think.
He just needed to fall asleep.
He was only tired is all.
Bathsheba: Thank you. I was starting to think that something was wrong.
Gabriel: There's no need.
Cash can be a bit of a handful sometimes,
but it could have happened to anyone.
Bathsheba: No. It definitely would not have happened to you
Gabriel: I've just had practice, is all.
Bathsheba: Thank you.
Gabriel: No need.
Liddy: I was about to call an ambulance.
Well, not for the baby. For us.
Gabriel: I'm glad I could've been of service.
Have either of you two eaten yet?
Bathsheba: Hah, no! We haven't had any time.
Gabriel: Well I can go and pick up a takeaway if you'd like?
Liddy: Oh my god you're my new favourite person.
You're like the angel, from heaven..
Hah, Angel Gabriel!
[Liddy laughs, Bathsheba and Gabriel mutter disappointedly]
[Dedededededededede dadedadedadedadeda dedededededededede dibyde dibede deda dobe-do!]