When you think of Africa,
what's the first thing that comes to mind?
It's probably Wakanda,
uh, handsome talk show hosts-- why, thank you--
or ruthless dictators.
Now, Wakanda and the talk show hosts
aren't going anywhere, thank God,
-but the dictators are on their way out. -MAN: Yeah!
Breaking news. In just the last few minutes,
word that the president of Sudan has stepped down.
MAN: Omar al-Bashir ousted
by the army as part of a popular uprising.
The army has dissolved the government,
declared a state of emergency for three months.
WOMAN: After three decades in power,
multiple sources telling us,
President Omar al-Bashir has resigned.
He is under house arrest.
This is major news, people.
Sudan's dictator of 30 years has been kicked out of power.
Although, I like how he's saying he's stepping down.
No, no, no, my friend. Let me put it this way.
When thousands of people with guns come to your palace,
you don't get to make it sound
like it was your decision to leave.
Yeah, like the mob is rushing the palace gates,
and he comes out like, "Ah, before you guys say anything,
"I want you to know that I have chosen to step down.
Now what were you gonna say?"
(laughing): "Mm, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo."
And, also, just another thing.
I don't think it's fair
to give dictators house arrest, all right?
'Cause have you seen this guy's house, right?
Have you...? Look at this.
So he pillages the country to build a palace,
and then the punishment is that he has to live in it.
That's not a rest. That's a stay-cation.
That's what that is, okay?
In my opinion, they should give the Sudanese people that house
and then let the dictator live in the rest of the country
that he destroyed. That's what the punishment should be.
-(applause and cheering) -Not let you live in the palace.
Oh, and you know, this is honestly
one of my favorite parts of the story, is that
it was really the women of Sudan
who are driving the protest movement, right?
-(cheers and applause) -People were calling them... Yeah.
People were calling them "Kandaka," the queens.
And I was thinking to myself, how cool would it be
if Sudan replaced this male dictator
with a woman dictator.
-Yeah. Yeah! -(laughter, groaning)
Maybe not dictator, but, yeah.
(laughter)
So I will say, this is an exciting time
for the African continent, right?
You have the dictator of Sudan who is out.
The dictator of Algeria was just deposed.
And something tells me that guy's scar is not gonna make it
to the end of the movie.
I don't know why, but I got a feeling.
I got a good feeling.
But let's move on from international news
to a story closer to home,
because while time is up for African dictators,
the college scam parents are just about
to start doing theirs.
Actress Lori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli
could face up to 40 years in prison
in the college admissions scandal.
MAN: E! News is also reporting
that she thought prosecutors were bluffing about jail time
when she and her husband turned down the initial offer.
You can't be serious.
(laughter)
Aunt Becky turned down a plea deal
because she thought the prosecutors were bluffing?
You see, that's what happens
when you're in Hollywood for too long, all right?
You just assume everyone around you is also acting. Yeah?
She's like, "Wow. These prison bars feel so real."
"Now, for this beat-down scene, are we using a stunt double?
Is that what's gonna happen?"
You know what? I-I know why
she thought they were bluffing, though.
Law enforcement has a great sense of humor.
You know, they're always pulling pranks,
like yelling, "Stop, or we'll shoot!"
And when the person stops, they shoot anyway.
It's hilarious.
So, as it stands,
Lori Loughlin could face up to 40 years in prison.
Yeah, which, let's be honest,
is a story nobody could have predicted.
Right, for two years, everyone's been like,
"Trump's gonna go down. Trump's going down!"
And the universe was like,
"Okay, look, I can't give you Trump,
"but I can give you Aunt Becky
"and one Desperate Housewife.
-Yes? Yes?" -(laughter)
"Huh?"
(applause and cheering)
And speaking of celebrities and the law,
if Aunt Becky is looking for a lawyer
who understands her needs as a famous person,
I know just who to call.
WOMAN: Kim Kardashian's new profession.
The reality star working toward becoming a lawyer
after helping a woman get released from prison.
WOMAN 2: As of last summer, Kim had enrolled
in a four-year-long apprenticeship
at a San Francisco law firm
in order to prepare for the bar exam.
Currently, she is studying 18 hours a week
underneath two practicing attorneys.
I'm like, "God, if there wasn't the long college process,
I would be an attorney."
But I just... I-I researched, um,
that in the state of California, I could assist
-an attorney for three years... -And then...?
and just take the bar.
Now, that's who I want as my lawyer.
-(laughter) -Yeah.
I want the lawyer who goes,
"God, if this wasn't so hard, then I wouldn't have done it."
She's gonna be packing up her papers
at the end of the trial like,
"I'm sorry. If the other side wasn't so prepared,
you would so be acquitted."
(laughter)
But I-I will say this. I do think it's admirable
that Kim Kardashian wants to become a lawyer, right,
as part of her journey on criminal justice reform.
And honestly, I believe in her,
because there's nothing you cannot achieve
when you really, really want to avoid talking to your husband.
Just like, "Hey, Kim,
I discovered a new form of energy in my mind!"
She's like, "Uh, I'm studying for the next four years."