[MUSIC]
One of the most important tools you
can develop and
hone as a communicator is the art
of paraphrasing.
Paraphrasing is an essential tool
for communication,
it allows you to do so many things.
By paraphrasing, what I mean is not
parroting back what somebody says,
like an annoying young child.
Rather, it's about extracting
the key essence or
meaning of what somebody says.
I like to think
to myself it's the bottom line.
The goal in paraphrasing is not to
get it exactly right, but
just to highlight something.
So, as you're listening, and by
the way, listening is a critical,
essential ingredient to
being good at paraphrasing.
You must make sure you
listen clearly and intently to
what the person is saying.
Most of us are very bad listeners,
we only listen to get the gist or
the high level
idea of what somebody's saying, and
then we begin judging, evaluating,
and rehearsing what we want to say.
When you're listening to
paraphrase, you're listening for
that key essence, that bottom line.
Once you understand what that
bottom line is, you simply say it
back in as concise and
clear way as you can.
A paraphrase,
by definition, should be shorter
than what the person said.
Now, paraphrasing does five
essential things for you.
First, it validates the person
you're communicating with.
When you paraphrase back what
they've said, they feel validated,
they feel heard, and
that feels really good.
Second, it not only validates
the person, it validates that you
heard what they said.
Maybe you missed something, or
there was some nuance that
didn't come through, it gives
them the opportunity to correct or
adjust what you've said.
So it validates the person and
confirms the message.
If you are presenting, or
leading a meeting, or
moderating a panel, the third thing
paraphrasing does is it make sure
everybody heard what's being said,
it gets everybody on the same page.
Imagine you're in a large room, and
you are presenting and
somebody asks a question, and
they're sitting right in front of
you, the people behind them might
not have heard the question.
So by paraphrasing,
you make sure everybody knows what
you're about to respond to.
When we're virtual,
same thing happens, we've all heard
those technical audio snafus
where somebody says something and
not everybody hears it.
The paraphrase allows to make
sure everybody here's what you're
saying.
The fourth thing paraphrasing does
is, it buys you time.
Paraphrasing is what we call
a lower order cognitive skill,
in other words,
it takes cognitive effort, but
not complete cognitive effort.
So, I can be paraphrasing and begin
to think about what I will say
next, the question I will ask, or
where I will take the conversation,
so paraphrasing buys you time.
Paraphrasing also allows you to
manage conversation,
what do I mean by that?
We've all been in a situation
where somebody has
dominated the conversation.
Maybe it's somebody who raises
their hand and
asks a long winded question.
Maybe it's somebody who just wants
to show you how smart they are,
how much they know about the topic.
Maybe it's somebody who's just lost
and they're articulating what
they're trying to figure out as
they say it.
In any of these circumstances,
you can use a paraphrase to regain
control and regain focus.
Extract something of value that
they've said and then move on, or
pull a question out of what
they're thinking, so
you can answer the question.
So if somebody's rambling on and
on, I might say, that question
about cost is really important, and
then you can answer the question.
Or you could say,
cost sounds really interesting,
in fact, I'd love to hear and call
on somebody else to talk about it.
Paraphrasing to my mind is the most
polite way to interrupt, and
to regain control of communication.
Now, I said there are five things
paraphrasing helps you with.
Validation of person,
validation of message,
it makes sure everybody hears,
buys you time, and
allows you to manage conversation.
There's a bonus, that's not all.
Paraphrasing allows you to reframe
the topic.
Now, we have to be careful here,
I'm not advocating for doing this,
I'm simply saying this is a tool
that you can use to do this.
When somebody asks you a question
or brings information to you, you
can reframe it as something else.
Now, I'm not saying become
a politician and answer
the question you wish you were
asked versus what you were asked.
But you can reframe something to
make it a little easier for you to
answer and address, as long as it
ties back to the initial issue.
Let me give you an example.
Imagine you are selling a product
and somebody asks you a question.
They say, why is that product,
why is your product so expensive?
That's a tough question to answer,
you certainly don't
want to paraphrase, and say, so
you're asking why this product so
expensive, bad idea.
Rather, you might say,
the value of our product is,
question was about price.
Notice, my paraphrase says,
the value of the product is,
and then I go through my
entire value proposition.
And at the end I say, and
because of the value we provide,
we charge the price we do.
So I answered the price question,
it's really about value.
But in the paraphrase,
I immediately reframe
it to be about value.
Again, I'm not advocating you do
this, I am simply saying that
paraphrasing is the manner through
which you would do that if
you want it.
Paraphrasing is
an essential communication skill,
I encourage each of you to practice
paraphrasing.
You do that by listening and
thinking to yourself what's
the bottom line.
Thank you.
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