There have been some who have asked me why I do this.
If there is pleasure in it for me or only pain.
And it is true that mostly all I feel is alone.
Lost in a sea of myself.
But there are brief moments, when they are here with me, I'm not so alone.
When I look into their eyes and see them seeing me and feel their breath against my cheek
and the touch of their hand against my skin
the pulse of their life
and then the moment shatters. And I am plunged back into this darkness.
Come in.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Can I get you a drink mister...?
My name is my business and yeah whiskey Irish.
Why don't you take off your shoes. Make yourself at home.
I can run you a bath and you can tell me a bit about yourself.
I didn't come here for a bath in a chat. I came here for one thing and one thing only.
And I think I've waited long enough.
Now enough chitchat.
And let's get on with it.
Of course.
As you wish sir.
The bedroom's this way.
Alright you little slut.
I'm gonna show you just what you are.
Is that all that matters then, money?
Money buys me everything I want.
And having what I want makes me happy.
And what about love?
Love.
Love is for fools and for women.
Surely a man such as yourself could have any woman of his choosing.
Hmm.
And you're surprised that I choose you.
Nothing surprises me Mr. Matthews.
But you do not choose me, you pay me for my services.
Why pay? A man need only show his wealth to have women offering themselves free of charge.
You're right.
I am a man who takes what he wants.
But if I pay...
I can be sure you'll do exactly as I say.
An impressive collection of watches you have there.
Is the idea that I'm gonna leave you mine as a gift.
A gift?
No.
I'm like you.
I take what I want.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just
barged in.
It's alright. I was about to invite you in.
Perhaps I should go?
But you only just arrived.
I'm sorry. I don't really know why I'm here.
Nor I.
You're not all what I was expecting.
What were you expecting?
Oh someone less...
beautiful.
Thank you.
I should go.
I'd like you to stay.
Why don't I fix you a drink?
All right.
Whisky?
Oh, yes, please.
Thank you.
I like your flat.
Do you?
Suppose it's all right.
Sometimes I like it.
All right and other times?
It feels like a cage.
I think the whole world feels like a cage sometimes.
Sorry, I've never done this before.
Talk to a woman?
I'm Henry.
Pleased to meet you Henry. My name is Jezebel.
That's a beautiful name.
It means wicked.
Do you play?
Yes, I love to play. Do you?
A bit. My my father taught me before he died
He was a good man.
When he wanted to be.
How did he die?
My mother caught him with another woman.
She...
slit his throat and then her own.
I was 9.
I was so angry for such a long time.
And then I realized that was all I was. A boy filled with rage and regret.
And now I don't know what I am.
I think it's better not to know.
There's freedom in not knowing. There's hope.
Once you know what you are, you can't escape it.
It looks back at you with your eyes and speaks to you with your voice.
What could you possibly see that you don't like?
Perhaps you should go.
If I told you I loved you would you ask me to stay?
I love you.
Everything I've ever loved I've destroyed.
Not everything.
I have tried to change.
But we cannot run from what we truly are.
Once I thought love would save me.
But love is for fools.
And women.
And I am neither.