One of the hardest things to do in America
is pass an amendment to the Constitution.
It's harder than shooting a porno on the Amtrak Quiet Car.
Because, you see, in order to be added to the Constitution,
the amendment needs to pass in the House,
needs to pass in the Senate
and be ratified by 38 states.
And how can you get 38 states to agree on anything?
I mean, think about it.
You can't even get states to agree on potato salad.
Yeah. I mean, if you show up to an Atlanta cookout with raisins,
the only thing getting barbecued is your ass.
In fact, it's so tough to get through this crazy process
that it's been 30 years
since the Constitution has been amended.
But this week, Virginia may have gotten America
one step closer to a new amendment.
REPORTER: USA Today reports Virginia became the 38th state
to pass the Equal Rights Amendment.
REPORTER 2: The Equal Rights Amendment was first introduced
to Congress in 1923.
It took 49 sessions
to finally get it passed in 1972.
REPORTER 3: The ERA, as it's known, reads...
(reading):
Wow!
Women are now equal in America!
(laughter, cheering)
Also, also,
wow, women are now equal in America?
'Cause, I mean, that statement sounds good,
but it doesn't make you feel good.
It would be like if Popeyes came out saying,
"Great news. From now on, our chicken sandwich
is 100% real chicken!"
You'd be like, "Wait, what was I eating before?"
"Bock-bock! Don't ask! Don't ask!"
"Shut up! Get in the box."
But don't get too excited just yet,
because it turns out that amendments are like avocados--
they only last for so long.
Is it too late for the Equal Rights Amendment to become law?
REPORTER: The Office of Legal Counsel says
it's simply too late for the ERA,
pointing out the deadline was in 1982.
REPORTER 2: Five states that ratified the ERA decades ago
have since rescinded those votes.
We have word that there will certainly be court challenges.
Whether or not it holds it up or not is the question.
Okay, no, I'm sorry, hold on.
So, they've been trying to pass this Equal Rights Act for women
since the 1920s,
they finally get enough states,
but now it may not count
because they missed some arbitrary deadline?
Who-who puts a deadline on women's rights? Huh?
Who? Like, Cinderella's fairy godmother? Huh?
Yeah, 'cause she was an asshole with her rules.
"Be home by midnight or you'll die alone."
It's like, "What the hell, Grandma?
"I'm trying to smash a prince.
"And you're gonna turn my carriage into a pumpkin?
"What if I'm doing 50 on the freeway?
"You're gonna kill me.
This is some bibbidi-bobbidi-bullshit."
'Cause, really, it-it makes no sense. It makes no sense.
Just because the law is a little bit late
doesn't mean the whole thing has to be scrapped.
Like, if you're late for a movie,
they don't lock you out of the theater.
They let you come in, and your punishment
is that you just have to figure out the plot for yourself.
Yeah. Just be like, "Why do they look like that?
"Did a human and a cat have sex?
What is this about?"
But, still, as a woman in America,
this must be really depressing,
to wait 100 years to officially have equal rights
and then watch it all slip away.
I guess the best person to ask would be an actual woman.
So, please, give it up for Desi Lydic, everybody!
(cheering and applause)
What's going on, Desi?
Trevor, this is so frustrating.
After a century of teasing,
they bring us to the point of ratification
and then say it's not the right time?
I guess women finally know what it's like to have blue balls.
Yeah, Desi, I-I can totally understand your frustration.
What I don't understand is why are you black and white.
Well, I could ask you the same question, Trevor,
-but I won't. I won't. -(gasping, laughter)
-Because it's racist. -No, no, Desi, I mean--
I mean why are you in black and white?
-Like, you-you look like you're in the 1920s. -Oh.
Because, Trevor, I feel like I'm in the 1920s.
Women don't have equality,
Nazis are back in the news,
I've even had a case of the measles.
And, yeah, maybe it's 'cause I'm on an anti-vaxxer dating site,
but-- what can I say-- I like the bad boys.
-(chuckles) -N-No, Desi. Desi, come on.
I-I know men and women are still not on a level playing field,
but-but you don't have to be in the 1920s.
No. It's fine, Trevor.
I'm actually over the moon about living in the 1920s style.
The glitz, the glam, all that jazz.
I'm even learning the Charleston.
(to the tune of "Macarena"): ♪ Hey! Do the Charleston! ♪
A'ight? (chuckles)
Desi, that's-that's not the Charleston.
-No, I think it is. -I-I don't think it is.
A-And, yes, yes, America's moving slowly toward equality,
but-but I don't think that's any reason to give up, Desi.
Look, I don't care anymore, Trevor. It's too depressing.
Even female amendments get ignored after they turn 35.
I don't care if it is Prohibition.
This gal needs a drink.
No, Desi, don't drink out of a shoe!
What are you doing?!
(grunts) Relax, Trevor. It's not my shoe.
Now, if you excuse me,
a man named Gatsby moved in down the block,
and something tells me he's legit. (chuckles)
Desi Lydic, everyone.