From rags to riches, and even a little romance.
How long have you two ladies known together?
Why is Chocolate With Nuts so rich with business tips?
Well, I've got three words for you.
Chocolate?
Chocolate!
It started as many lessons do, with a twist of fate.
That's funny. I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
A taste of luxury would leave these two inspired.
Give me that!
Stealing my mail, eh?
Hey Squidward, how did the people in that magazine get all that money?
They're entrepreneurs.
They sell things to people.
Tip number one: money can be exchanged for goods and services,
in this case, goods.
Quick, Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything
in the world right now, what would it be?
A chocolate bar?
That's a great idea, Pat. We'll be traveling chocolate bar salesmen.
And suddenly, they were on the road to riches.
But would they be feeling sweet?
Or tasting defeat?
Good afternoon, sir.
Could we interest you in some chocolate?
Chocolate?
Did you say chocolate?
Yes, sir, with or without nuts.
Tip number two: variety is the spice of life.
Chocolate! Chocolate!
Though some fish are nutty enough.
Chocolate!
Tip number three: wear running shoes.
Run, SpongeBob! Run, Patrick!
OK, the first guy didn't count.
Good morning, sir. Would you like to buy some chocolate?
That's no way to carry your merchandise.
You know, my mom always said chocolate goes straight to her butt.
no self-respecting candy bar salesman
would be caught dead without one of these.
The Choco-Master 747,
the world's premium chocolate bar carrying case,
complete with a deluxe full velvet lining.
Pineapple orange coating, and a platinum painted composite zipper!
Just shut up and take our money.
Fancy living, here we come!
Tip number four: get the proper gear.
Yes.
Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
I don't recall.
Uh, can confirm.
But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there.
You two lady killers are too smart to be
without one of my patented candy bar bag carrying bags.
The CBBC 474, complete with limited edition cherry red finish.
I forgot these bad boys were still on the market.
We'll take 20.
That brings us to tip number five.
Upgrade your gear.
But against all odds, Squarepants and Star Incorporated
were down and profits.
So they began to look up for inspiration.
Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell this many.
That's it, Patrick, we've gotta stretch the truth.
Chocolate!
Tip number six: lie.
Yes?
Hello, young lady.
We're selling chocolate.
It's your mother home?
How are they gonna lie to such a foxy fish?
Mom?
What? What's all the yelling?
Hubba hubba! Two darlings in one dwelling? Things are looking up.
Your just can't wait for me to die, can you?
[sighing]
I know, their words are like sugar on your ear lobes.
I could listen to these two vixens for the rest of my days.
Chocolate.
I remember when they first invented chocolate.
Sweet, sweet, chocolate.
I always hated it!
Come on, SpongeBob. Don't mess this up.
Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating.
It's for...
You rub it on your skin,
and it makes you live forever.
- No, no, no, no! - Live forever, you say?
I'll take one.
Nice one. Now ask for her number.
I hate you.
Nailed it.
If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time.
Tip seven: don't be afraid to dress up.
This guy will feel so sorry for us,
he'll have to buy all of our chocolate.
What can I do for you, boys?
Hello, sir, would you like to buy a chocolate bar?
We need an operation.
Really? Small world.
Ah, tartar sauce.
What's the matter with you guys?
I was born with glass bones and paper skin.
Every morning I break my legs at every afternoon, I break my arms.
Oh, no.
Oh!
[shattering]
Quick, Patrick, let's help him.
How can you not support these two?
Just look how much they care about their beloved customers
that they're lying too.
If there's anything, anything we can do to help you.
There is one thing.
As you can well imagine,
my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily I'm able to keep myself alive
by selling chocolate bars.
Aw, fish sticks.
Tip eight: I guess some things are more important than money.
Like caring for your fellow fish or whatever.
It does my heart good to con a couple of class A suckaroonies
like those two.
[laughing]
What? Were we just lied to?
Who could have seen this coming?
This is an outrage.
Tip number nine: trust no one.
Let's face it, Patrick were failures.
After all those fool-proof business tips.
No fancy living, no wealth.
What else could go wrong? Oh, this guy.
Chocolate!
Ah, crab cakes.
Finally. Now that I've got you right where I want you,
I'd like to buy all your chocolate.
Tip number ten: the richest customers are often the nuttiest.
Thank you for your patronage.
It's not easy becoming rich.
But if you're smart, hardworking and a little shameless,
then you too can buy the world.
And maybe even a date, if you know what I...
Oh, oh, I said...
- And maybe even... - What did he say?
Cut the camera.