Well, well, well.
Let's see who is in tonight's Send To All box.
He is one of the Premier League's greatest ever strikers,
and now, he is one of the nation's favourite pundits.
Everybody loves him, it's Ian Wright, Wright, Wright!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Come on!
Ian Wright, Wright, Wright!
Thank you so, so much for being here.
I'm scared, Mike, I can't lie. You should be!
LAUGHTER
So all I'll ask of you, Ian, is if you just place your mobile phone
into this cushion.
We will bring it down. OK.
And whatever your footballing allegiance,
let it go tonight, as we bring Ian Wright's phone down.
# Feeling hot, hot, hot Ian Wright, Wright, Wright
# Feeling hot, hot, hot
# Ian Wright, Wright, Wright! #
Right, here we go.
I am now in possession of Ian Wright's mobile phone.
CHEERING
Woohoo!
So, if I pop this in here...
Lovely screensaver, Wrighty.
Oh, no!
Is it face ID? Yes.
LAUGHTER
Is it?
Is it face ID? Yeah, yeah, sorry.
Sorry.
How dare you think you can come here and get one over me?
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Why isn't it working?!
It doesn't work like that.
Can I get this thing back up to Wrighty?
LAUGHTER
Have you got a ladder or something?
You all right with that?
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I need your face, mate!
Hold that. I need a bit... Do you mind?
Hold on, hold on. Do you mind?
I just, I need to make sure.
All right.
I'm coming up, Wrighty. Get your face...
Hold it steady!
Get your face out.
Stop looking at my bottom and focus.
LAUGHTER
Right, sorry, Wrighty.
Can you just look at that? OK.
Done?
APPLAUSE
I've got to keep it alive!
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Come on, Michael!
That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, I am now with
Ian Wright's unlocked...
APPLAUSE
..mobile phone.
Thank you.
Right, what's on there?
There we go, ladies and gentlemen, this is the real deal.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right, Ian.
Now, I'm going to pop the text in the phone now.
Just, just before I do, you are a funny guy,
there's no doubt about it.
You're a huge personality and I know you're a big fan
of comedy, as well, you told me this. Yes.
You'd agree with that wholeheartedly? Yeah, I would, yeah.
OK, so this text is as follows...
"Let's face it, I'm hilarious."
LAUGHTER
"So, I've decided to have a go at stand-up comedy.
"I've got my first gig tonight.
"And I've gone blank.
"What was that really funny thing...
"..I said the last time I saw you?"
LAUGHTER
"It was classic Wrighty."
LAUGHTER
"Or is there anything else funny I've ever said or done...
"..that I can use?"
We'll just end with a quick, "Hurry, I'm bricking it."
LAUGHTER
And I think we should have a couple of emojis in there.
I think the praying hands are good, we'll throw in there.
Sick... Shall we go with the sick?
LAUGHTER
And I think you'll agree, Wrighty,
there's nothing to worry about with this one, is it?
I don't know. LAUGHTER
Shall I send that to everybody in Ian Wright's phone,
ladies and gentlemen? AUDIENCE: Yes!
That has gone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
We will be finding out later in the show
what replies Ian gets from all in his phone,
but one more time, please, for the wonderful,
what a great sport he is, Ian Wright, Wright, Wright!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
We love that man!
Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to find out
what replies Ian Wright has received in tonight's Send To All.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Friend of the show,
former Send To All victim, Kammy.
CHEERING
Straightforward reply.
"You've never said anything funny in your life."
LAUGHTER
Bit harsh, Kam.
APPLAUSE
Next, David Dein. Yeah.
So, David Dein was the...?
Arsenal vice-chairman.
A massive figurehead in all of the successes of Arsenal. Yeah.
He has sent, "When you came into a disciplinary hearing at the FA
"and told the chairman, you've been a naughty boy again."
LAUGHTER
Do you remember that story?
I think that was the time when I smashed the referee's room up
and threw his clothes in the bath.
LAUGHTER
I threw the television.
The television in the bath, too?
Yeah, I lost it. Naughty boy.
And then he sent one later on going, "Ian, how's it going?"
LAUGHTER
I might just text him back.
"Thanks, David..." Thanks, Mr Dein.
Oh, "Thanks, Mr Dein."
"I've just used your material and got booed off."
LAUGHTER
Right, well, let's see if he responds to that.
We've just had one that's just come in from Andy Goldstein.
He's a radio host.
"Read out the first line of your text to me
"and you'll bring the house down."
LAUGHTER
"PS, did that cream clear up your rash last week?"
LAUGHTER
Oh, my God, David Dein just texted back!
"Stop it! Where was it?"
LAUGHTER
I'm going to text him back.
"The London Palladium."
LAUGHTER
Can you pick me up?
LAUGHTER
I've put so many question marks.
"The London Palladium, can you pick me up?"
He's quite local, isn't he? He's not far away, no.
Hang on, I might do a little crying emoji.
LAUGHTER
Oh, no, not the laughing one, I need the one with full tearage.
There you go. There he is!
OK, Dan Nicholas.
IAN CHUCKLES
LAUGHTER
Who is he? I play golf with him.
Well, he's actually mentioned golf here.
"Not really stand-up, but the time of the golf ball
"hit you in the chest and you pretended to be dead."
LAUGHTER
There's more.
"Dicko and I actually thought you were dead,
"as we were 30 yards away
"and you went down like a sack of spuds
"and pretended to stop breathing,
"then jumped us when we ran over to you
"to give you mouth-to-mouth."
LAUGHTER
"Bloody glad I didn't have to."
LAUGHTER
Sounds like a fun story.
A golf ball came from another tee.
Oh, right. It kind of hit me a little bit but I just played on it.
You played up to it? Yeah, I did, yeah.
Oh, my God! David Dein has just replied.
LAUGHTER
"Would love to but I'm in Bodrum, Turkey."
LAUGHTER
"What was the occasion?"
"Send a car."
LAUGHTER
"After everything I've done for you."
LAUGHTER
"You cheapskate!"
LAUGHTER.
No, no, no, that's a bridge too far.
OK, Cush. Who's Cush?
Erm, I can't remember.
LAUGHTER
You can't remember?
I can't remember who Cush is.
What's he said?
Well, I can tell you it's the first time you've ever texted him
and he's ever texted you.
Maybe this will be a clue. He says, "The bike story
"when you and the lads went biking around Europe was pretty funny."
LAUGHTER
It wasn't funny, it was a nightmare.
LAUGHTER
We got rained on, a couple of people crashed.
OK. Why does he think that's funny?
LAUGHTER
I don't know, Ian! Neither of us know who he is!
Delete him out of my contacts.
LAUGHTER
Ladies and gentlemen, a Send To All first.
LAUGHTER
Nobody has ever said, "Delete him out of my contacts."
LAUGHTER
All right, Shocks.
We know Shocks. It's Shearer.
He, of course, knows you're here -
but it doesn't mean he hasn't been funny.
"You told me you were better than Thierry Henry."
LAUGHTER
"And couldn't believe he had a statue and you didn't."
LAUGHTER
"I thought that was hilarious."
LAUGHTER
Go on, Shearer!
Shearer!
CROWD CHANTS: Shearer! Shearer!
David Dein has said, "Ian, is this really you?"
LAUGHTER
"No, it's Thierry."
LAUGHTER
"It's Thierry, your first love."
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
David Dein has said, "Who are you?"
LAUGHTER
I don't know what to say.
I'm going to send him a photo of myself and the whole audience.
Everyone give him a wave, David Dein.
CHEERING
You've been an incredible sport. Thanks very much.
Thank you so, so much for being here.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ian Wright, Wright, Wright! Ian...
CROWD CHANTS: Wright, Wright, Wright!
Thank you so much. Ian Wright, ladies and gentlemen!
APPLAUSE