- I came out to my Mom earlier this year
but she kind of, like, ignored it.
- Yeah.
- And, like, when I talked to her about this, she was like
"Oh, they might set you up with a real nice man."
(both speakers laughing loudly)
You know, I was like "Oh, yeah, um"
(laughs genuinely)
(relaxing music begins)
(tea pouring)
(relaxing music ends)
- Hey good humans, Timmy here.
(soft music begins)
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No, like actually seriously.
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as much as possible.
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Thank you to Neutrogena for sponsoring this portion
of the video.
Now let's get into the video.
(transition humming)
(upbeat music playing)
- Hi, my name's Amanda Pack,
I'm twenty-two years old,
I'm a filmmaker, and my love print is RWPG.
- Hi, my name is Carrie, I'm twenty-five years old,
I'm a founder of a nonprofit,
and I also work in public policy,
and my love print type is RIPG.
So I have been in a series of, like,
longer term relationships.
I, personally, love love. (laughs genuinely)
So, if you were to ask my friends, they'd be like
"Carrie falls really easily."
I also idealize and often get hurt because of that.
Don't know if I'm proud of that, but that is what happens.
- I've been single for like almost five years, so I've seen
two people in a romantic relationship just really
unconditionally love and support each other.
And I think I'm personally ready to give and receive
that kind of unconditional love and support.
(upbeat music ends)
(heels clicking)
- Hi.
- [Carrie] Hello, hi!
- [Amanda] I'm Amanda, can I hug you?
- [Carrie] Yeah, oh my God, hello, uh, how nice to meet you.
- [Amanda] Nice to meet you.
- [Carrie] Hello.
- [Amanda] Hi.
- [Carrie] Hello, do we ask names?
- Yeah, wait, I'm Amanda.
- I'm Carrie.
- Carrie.
Nice to meet you! - Nice to meet you!
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.
- Do you wanna have some tea or...?
- I would love some tea. This is so gorgeous.
- [Amanda] Yeah, let's do it.
(teapot clanging)
- [Amanda] Tea kettle
- Ooh, oh, I gotchu, I gotchu, I'll hold that.
- [Amanda] Thank you. (Amanda laughs softly)
- [Carrie] Uh huh.
- Yes. Hey, do you wanna cheers?
- [Carrie] Yes, okay.
- Cheers? Oh that's so cute!
(giggling cutely) (cups clinking)
Yeah! Okay.
- Cheers!
(cameras shuttering)
- Oh, that's hot. That's good.
- [Amanda] It is good. It is very good tea.
- [Carrie] It's nice tea, it's very calming.
- [Amanda] Yeah, I like it.
- [Carrie] Yeah, it's good.
- I love your pants, by the way.
- [Carrie] Thank you so, I love your outfit.
- [Amanda] Oh, thank you.
- [Carrie] And I like your tattoos.
And, oh.
- [Amanda] Oh, oh, too many compliments.
- [Carrie] The whole thing is so good.
- Do you wanna? You can...
- Yes, I can, I can kick it off.
- [Amanda] Do you wanna ask the question first?
- Oh my goodness.
(Amanda laughing softly)
Let's go, let's do it! Okay.
(bells ringing)
What item has the most sentimental value to you?
- It's a little embarrassing to admit,
but I'm just gonna go for it, but um,
I have like the blanket that my parents used for me
like when I was born.
I still have that blanket with me.
- That's so cute.
- It's like a comfort piece for me.
- I was gonna say is it, how is the condition of it
right now?
- Yeah, no, I would not show that on camera.
Not at all.
(laughs happily)
- It's okay, it's okay!
That is sentimental things, I think, are meant to be kept
like just...
- Close to the heart.
- Close to the heart, yeah.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Close to the heart, away from the world.
No, no, that's good.
- [Amanda] Yeah.
- I don't know if she knows that I have it, but I have it.
(Amanda gasps)
It's a ring from my grandmother.
I love any like item that's passed on for me.
I have such a bigger appreciation for it now than I think
I did when I was younger.
But I'm embarrassed to admit it because I keep losing it!
(Amanda gasps)
But it always gets found.
(Amanda laughs quietly)
Maybe it's like symbolic for like I'll always find my way
even if I get lost.
- No, that's a beautiful story that was born right now.
- Thank you, and I'm thinking where the hell is that ring
(both laughs genuinely)
right now? It's in my room.
It's in my room.
- Next one.
- Oh no, okay.
(bells ringing)
What is your most terrible memory?
(laughs nervously)
- What is my most terrible memory?
- Terrible is quite an adjective as well.
- Ooh, okay.
I'll just give like an overview of like
the themes of it, rather than going into detail,
but I think my most terrible memories are love-related,
which is like shitty, but like, you know, it is like-
- Sure.
- what it is for me and a lot of folks I know, um,
and particularly memories of like, me, you know,
trusting that a space is safe, and it ended up
not being safe.
Um, whether that was, you know, with, you know, family,
relationships in the future, so...
- Safety, I think, is a very interesting word that I think
I've also been thinking about a lot more,
in terms of like relationships, just like,
in any space when you're vulnerable or intimate, you know?
- [Carrie] Mhm.
- When I think about, maybe my most terrible memories,
it was kind of somewhat of like where my trust was betrayed
or, and I think in a lot of ways when your trust is betrayed
you know, you don't feel safe.
Yeah, I've been framing my life in like,
kind of like with safety, in a lot of ways,
so it was really interesting you brought that up.
- Well, can I ask a follow-up question to that?
- Mhm.
- Like what is it that makes you feel safe and comfortable?
- I'm a very, like, gut person.
Like, I feel safe from like a feeling.
You know, that feeling of security, that someone sees me.
And, yeah, I think there's like a tenderness to safety too.
It does take a long-time in order for me to feel safe.
I think that that's something that needs to be built,
for sure.
(bells ringing)
Okay.
First, can I ask you what color you are?
- Oh, I am the color grape.
(Amanda gasps)
- Ooh! I'm pistachio!
- Ooh!
- Let's go into it.
- Oh, okay.
- [Amanda] I'm like pretty guarded.
(both laughs cutely)
- [Carrie] Same. (laughs loudly)
- [Amanda] Yeah.
I guess how do you feel about being assessed as guarded?
- Yeah!
I mean, I think it's pretty accurate.
In the beginning, I'm perhaps very willing and open,
and then, something happens and I'm like "Oh my God.
No, I can't.
I don't know if I can do this",
and then I get really scared.
- I also, I was like, "this is very accurate".
(Carrie laughs happily)
- You know, I know that I'm a very guarded person
and I think it just protects me emotionally from things,
and I think no one else is gonna look out for me
and my emotions except for me.
I guess has always been the posture
that I've held about that.
- Yeah.
What's your motto?
- "There are no words."
- [Carrie] Ooh.
- [Amanda] It's a little romantic
and I feel like- - I love that.
- [Amanda] I like romance, so...
- I love that. I also like romance.
But that being said, my motto is
"Give me a teeny bit of space."
(both laughs genuinely)
Oh my goodness, okay, okay.
Let's see what's going on, oh!
This one's nice.
(giggling cutely) (bells ringing)
What is your most treasured memory?
- [Amanda] Oh! Okay.
- That's a fun one.
- We're flipping it over.
- I see what they're doing.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I see, the math is mathing.
- This is gonna sound a little nerdy and lame
(Carrie laughs)
- No.
- But, I think it was when I got the acceptance letter
from the college that I ended up going to.
- Aww.
- It was, just like a really gratifying moment for me
where I felt like a lot of the intentional work
that I put in paid off, in a way.
- Yeah.
The one that comes to my mind, and I always like struggle
thinking about this without like tearing up, but I will try
to not tear up this time, and I can do it.
- [Amanda] No worries.
- I can do it.
My Mom and I went on like a trip
with just the two of us to Disneyland.
(Carrie laughs)
- (laughs happily) Oh my gosh!
- Which is like not much of a tripping group,
like kind of close-knit.
I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but one memory
that I do remember a lot is my Mom and I like sitting in
like the little storybook gondola, and looking at the
miniature little princess things.
(Amanda laughs)
I remember thinking back at that time,
when I was a little bit older, and I was like
"Why didn't my Mom just take me?"
And like, Disneyland's a lot of money, too.
Like, you know, there's just so many factors.
And her being able to do that for me, that was a really,
really happy time for me, so shout out to my Mom.
- Yeah! Yeah.
(both laughs genuinely)
Ooh, okay wait it's you.
- Oh! - Is it?
- [Carrie] I think it's you.
- It's me? Okay, cool.
- Mhm, you got this, yes.
(bells ringing)
- When was the last time that you really cried?
- Ooh. I cry a lot.
(both laughs genuinely)
But, right now, they're like little cries.
Like (crying noises), and then I'm fine.
- [Amanda] Little, you know, just like... teary eyed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. - [Carrie] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I think, the last time that I really cried,
was probably the beginning of this year.
I was tailing off of like a situationship,
I have a lot of trouble with intimacy, just generally.
I think I was in a situation where I didn't feel very safe,
so on my way back from feeling that way, my best cries are
in a car, because it's like dark.
- Ooh, yeah.
- "All Too Well", Taylor Swift ten-minute version came out.
(Amanda laughs genuinely)
- You just wanted to wreck yourself at that point, yeah.
- Exactly, and I was like, you know what?
I'm doing this on purpose.
And so that happened, so that was that.
What about you?
- Ooh, it was last night.
Um, I was talking with my Mom, I kind of got into
an argument with her.
Um, I'm non-binary, I use they/them pronouns,
- Okay.
- And so, I feel like, I came out to my Mom
earlier this year, but she kind of like ignored it.
- Yeah.
- And like, when I talked to her about this, she was like
"Oh, they might set you up with a real nice man."
(both laugh loudly)
And I'm like, you know, I was like "oh, yeah, um...".
- So, I got to a point where I was talking with my Mom
and I was like, "Did you ever consider that this date
would not be with a man?"
And then she was like "Is it not with a man?!"
And I was like "Mom, I literally don't know."
- Yeah.
Similarly, with my Mom, I like came out to her,
not on like my own terms,
um, we're in that stage where she's not really acknowledging
and she's also like "I met this boy at church today,
you should meet 'em".
(Amanda laughs strained)
And I'm like "girl, firstly, you in a different state".
- Do we have the same Mom? I don't know, like...
- I know!
(both laughs genuinely)
It's not that she's doubled down on it after,
you know, we sort of had a conversation about my sexuality,
but, I don't know if I'm at that point
where I can have a head-on conversation and be like
"But what if I bring home somebody that's not a man?"
(Amanda laughs genuiely)
- [Amanda] Yeah, it's uh, I don't know if it's much
of a conversation, whereas me, just kind of like
stating the facts, and she's just like "I dunno what to..."
- Yeah.
- [Amanda] It's hard.
- Yeah.
- Anyway, okay, next question.
(bells ringing)
What does it actually mean
to be vulnerable with your partner?
- That is a good question.
I think vulnerability is both working to create
mutually safe spaces for each other, and also,
working to like, communicate.
Not just in the way that you would like to be communicated,
or like, I would like to be communicated with,
but also me, creating a space where they feel comfortable
communicating as well.
- Mhm, vulnerability is definitely a two-way street,
you know, like, both sides have to kind
of be equally working, and I think that that can be
a hard balance to find.
Thinking beyond just myself is a big one too.
I think that's a sign that like,
you're maybe ready to be vulnerable.
- Yeah.
- Or that this is someone that you, maybe,
desire to be vulnerable with.
(soft music begins)
- [Speaker One] Okay, you will now experience four minutes
of eye contact in complete silence.
- Great.
- Cool.
- [Speaker One] Okay.
(Carrie nervously whines)
- [Amanda] Alright.
- [Carrie] Stretching.
- [Speaker One] So close your eyes, take a deep breath,
and begin.
(soft music continues)
(Carrie laughs genuinely)
- I'm sorry, I've never done this before.
(Amanda laughs happily)
- Oh, you're so good, you're good.
- Thank you, that was very reassuring.
(soft music heightens)
- At first, I laughed
because that's like my visceral reaction.
So I was like "Oh, no", and then I got really anxious.
(soft music continues)
- To be honest, I'm not too uncomfortable in silences.
Silences kind of are, like, you know, a mark of safety,
almost sometimes.
(soft music continues)
- I can definitely see how that fosters a deeper bond
'cause that's really vulnerable, just to like stare at
each other for so long.
- In the beginning half, I mainly focused on looking at her,
but then, there were like moments in the second half
where I kind of, let myself be seen by her.
(soft music)
- I'm really sitting here, like, looking into the eyes
of another person.
I don't know where this will go, uh, but I feel you,
you know, so, yeah.
- I didn't know, like, how vulnerable I was
gonna be, but I think I ended up sharing a bit more than
I thought I would, and I think that was a lot.
Due to, you know, Carrie, and like, the person she was.
Um, yeah.
- [Speaker One] Now, you have to make a decision.
(Carrie squeals) (Speaker One laughs happily)
You can go back in if you feel like you wanna continue
exploring this relationship romantically,
or you can leave right now, if you don't feel like
there's a true romantic connection.
Do you have any idea which way you wanna go?
(Amanda sighs) (soft music)
- (whispering) Should I read the letter?
Okay.
Let me see.
It's sealed.
(paper note sliding)
- [Amanda] Carrie, I feel so lucky to have shared
this experience with you.
I loved getting to know you in such a safe and intimate way.
You are a special human, I know that for sure.
In terms of a romantic future, I'm not too confident,
but on a human to human level,
I'd love to get to know you more.
(soft music)
- Can I talk?
- [Crew Member] Yes!
(Carrie laughs genuinely) - Okay.
No, I mean I think that feels good, I think, like,
this is, you know, I wasn't expecting any sort of outcome
in any way, and I think I was, you know,
just lucky to have this experience
as well is what she said here,
so or, what they said here.
Yeah, this is good, yeah, yeah.
(soft music heightens)