- Let's talk today about the fear of death
and how it might be holding you back.
Now, one of the biggest reasons
we have trouble letting go of things
is not necessarily because we are sentimental.
It's actually a lot deeper than that.
Now this topic is super, super important.
So you've got to stick around to the end
because I'm going to dive into something really deep.
Now I promise it won't be scary and it won't be depressing.
Hey, I'm Robyn, this might get a little crazy,
but grab your tea and let's go.
(inspirational music)
Now letting go of the past
is a challenge for so so many people,
probably most people.
When I found out that my dad had passed away,
I was obviously upset.
Now, one of the things that bothered me aside
from the total tragic loss,
but it was also how he had not prioritized his happiness
the way that I feel he should have.
And I think he even knew that that's how I felt.
Well, I know he did, 'cause we talked about it.
I'll get more into that in a second
but I want to explore with you the topic
of the fear of death and how it relates
to how you live your life
and what you surround yourself with.
It's such an important topic.
Now I have talked about the Swedish death cleaning before,
and one of the actual topics,
the actual deep down meaning cannot be overstated
just how important it is.
Now Margareta Magnusson's book "Dostadning,"
Swedish Death Cleaning,
she describes three instincts.
The clutter instinct,
wanting your things surrounding you,
the hoarding instinct,
where you keep things just in case
and it helps you feel secure,
and the fear of death instinct.
I myself relate to this one most of all,
even now more than ever I would say.
It's complex, as they all are,
but I really want to really deep dive into this one today
because I think it is such an important topic.
I think the fear of death instinct
is ever present knowledge and awareness
that time is fleeting, moving constantly,
and that life is finite.
We all deal with this in one way or another.
Now as an emergency nurse,
I have seen so many lives end early, way too early.
And I've also seen something that is equally as tragic
and that is people not recognizing how important life is
and how they should live it to the fullest.
I've actually seen lifestyle choices
that have prevented people from walking across the room.
And that is why I run on my treadmill,
and it's just because I can.
And if you can't, I'm not saying you should,
and I'm not saying everybody should,
and I recognize everybody comes from a different place.
What I am saying is that we need to harness
and live life while we can.
Now, if you can change something to make your life better
I want you to do it.
Okay, so the fear of death instinct with clutter
is so, so interesting.
I see this one as a huge reason
why so many people keep sentimental things.
It's like admitting that we aren't going to be here forever,
and it's almost like refusing to move on.
You're almost like holding yourself hostage in the past.
You're not letting go of things from your kids maybe
when they were little,
maybe you're kind of refusing to believe
that they're growing up, that time is going on.
If you keep those little pants,
maybe you're in a way feeling like
you're like keeping them forever.
Like obviously you know you're not keeping them little,
but even if you don't think this on a conscious level,
you might be thinking it subconsciously.
It's also a deep, deep, visceral feeling
when we let certain things, we are attached to go.
We are deeply attached to our children, our parents
or even certain stages of life.
I had this adorable little Superman outfit
that I bought my middle son when he was a baby.
Now because we lived where it was windy and chilly,
he only had a chance to wear it once or twice.
I held onto it forever.
I'm not saying you need to get rid of absolutely everything,
but I didn't really need to hang onto this.
He didn't really wear it much.
It wasn't like it was something super sentimental,
as far as he goes.
What I am saying is you need to be selective
about what you keep.
I have kept a few items from my kids' past and from my past,
and I will be keeping a few things from my dad's past,
but deciding to let an item go,
it might just represent the end of a season,
which is not necessarily a bad thing
but denial is not just a river in Egypt.
So one example of the fear of death
that a lot of people don't recognize
is it can be something as simple
as keeping something from your kids.
So like, for example, my kids,
I had these lunch boxes for them.
And like, this one is actually like kind of old.
Like my oldest, they're molded,
they were great because I thought it was like, perfect.
You know you just throw the food in them.
They're watertight, or they were,
and they would hold all sorts of things.
There was like less waste.
It was so easy.
You could just throw them in the dishwasher.
I thought they were perfect.
However, the problem is the kids they've grown out of them.
And so if I wanted to be like,
hey, my kids this is their lunchbox.
I'm going to hang onto it, they're not fully grown.
The thing is they're out of that stage of life.
They don't want these lunch boxes anymore.
They want lunch bags, just like a paper bag.
I can't try to keep them in that time forever.
And I can't try to keep myself in that time forever.
The fear of death would be like
I'm not letting that go, or exercising that instinct
would be, I'm not letting that go.
By deciding, hey, I'm going to donate these,
some other parent can enjoy these lunch boxes.
Then that is so, so much better.
And that is like recognizing, hey time moves,
other great things will be coming.
Some people like my dear dad
find it hard to let go of anything, anything at all.
Now my dad was not hoarder level.
I don't think he held onto garbage or anything,
but he did have trouble letting go of almost anything.
I remember once he told me
that he was the person that things came to,
and it was just really hard to let anything go.
Now I think if he were maybe to really dive deep
he might recognize that everybody
has things handed to them,
because people generally feel guilty decluttering,
and they feel better if they can give it to somebody else.
Let me know if you can relate to this,
if you have done this,
if you have felt this way or if people have given you stuff.
Now, once he actually told me
how hard it was to declutter a ladle,
but when he had to let it go
he was actually so proud of himself, which I think is good.
Like, what did that mean?
What are you sacrificing when you can't let anything go?
It goes deep, and sometimes professional help
is a good idea,
but no matter what you are sacrificing something.
So what are you sacrificing
if you choose not to sacrifice the clutter.
By choosing to keep the clutter,
the things that you don't use, that aren't serving you,
and are more than likely adding to your stress.
What are you sacrificing?
I once said to my dad that it seems hazardous
to keep everything around you
so you can hang onto every memory
and sacrifice your present, and that really struck him.
You are choosing not to be happy.
Not everything you let go of feels great to let go of,
but not every decision you make is an easy one.
Some are, which is good.
Not every decision is a happy one, making the choice.
I really, really want to impress on you
how important it is to make the choice
to choose your life over all of your memories.
You need to choose your future over your past.
It is very hard for some people to let go of the past,
but you need to recognize you need to face the fact
that life is moving
and you want to enjoy all of it, don't you?
You don't want to just spend all of your time
living in the past.
Don't sacrifice your happiness for some things,
even if they are sentimental things.
I mean, keep some things for sure.
Keep the things that matter.
Keep the treasures.
The great Peter Walsh describes treasures
as all of your treasures together
can fit on your dining room table.
So for some people that's not a lot of treasures,
but don't keep the clutter.
Now I did some deep decluttering
under my stairs in the summer, right here, click this video.
This is from my childhood,
from when my parents were were younger,
from when my kids were younger.
I think you'll really like it.
Thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time.
Bye.