[TRACK: Piano Cover of Papa Roach's "Scars" by Unknown Artist]
James invited us to the LEGO Convention in Pasadena.
(Completely dead inside) How could we say no.
Seeing James so happy freaked me the fuck out.
I ignored his request to buy him a LEGO set
and continued to think about how awful this day was going to be
when James's emotions weren't at a calm neutral.
We left the safety of the booth and entered the LEGO Convention.
And as I looked down onto the floor, a little voice called out from within me.
A voice that said "Steve, you're not better than these people."
I laughed, thinking about how wrong that voice really was.
I'll admit it, I really did think James was strange for wanting to come to this convention.
But it turns out, LEGOs are far more popular than I would have ever imagined.
*Steven laughing*
I couldn't believe my eyes.
Standing right in front of me was Ian from SMOSH.
He seemed surprised to see me as well.
In fact, he looked like he had just been caught masturbating
again
by me.
Cib hit the nail on the head,
and we watched in horror as Ian and James both discussed their
*inhale filled with pain*
hobby.
I'm trying my hardest to not be judgmental. And I think, for the most part, I'm doing a good job.
But, it's one thing to enjoy LEGOs. I respect that.
What I don't respect is doubling back; trying to cover your bases when you realize you're being filmed.
There are two parts to this:
One: I could tell he broke James's heart,
and Two: the motherfucker plays with LEGOs, I guarantee you.
It's Ian from SMOSH.
Everyone from SMOSH plays with LEGOs. It's just something that makes sense.
One person I know that doesn't play with LEGOs is Cib.
He just doesn't have the stamina
and, to counter Ian's lie, Cib lies about playing with LEGOs to try to be more relatable.
Neither of them wanted to be in this conversation.
Yet both were far too polite to end it, and this is what real horror looks like:
And also this:
And the horror was just. Getting. Started.
Because I found myself separated from my friends.
*Rising background ambience, including coughing*
*soothing classical piece*
After wandering around for 30 minutes, I finally noticed my friends.
They were far too close to the play area and I managed to spot Cib right here,
stealing a LEGO off the table from one of the kids.
And he was very proud about that.
And then there's James telling him to put that back.
I couldn't help but feel like no amount of hand washing
could prevent any disease I was going to get from this convention.
All I could do was bide my time and try not to hit the main floor.
So, I hung out with Lauren and Sami Jo, waiting for James and Cib to be done at the play area.
Me and the girls are no strangers to a solid vent sesh. It helps us clear our minds.
But I couldn't clear my mind when I kept getting distracted by James.
Since I couldn't think in peace, I went over to find Cib.
I figured he would at least be my equal in this situation, considering neither of us are LEGO connoisseurs.
Turns out Cib was trying to learn more about LEGOs.
But he wasn't asking a LEGO professional he was simply asking-
One of the convention center's guardians.
I was surprised to find out that James wasn't really having that good of a time.
It wasn't the convention that did it; it was just one specific moment.
*Cib coughs*
I was happy that our time at the convention center was finally over. It's just not my scene.
But that doesn't mean I don't respect everyone's interest in LEGOs.
I'm sure I have passions that people would find just as weird.
For instance, one of my passions is linking up with other families.
I don't get to see my family that often, so this sort of alleviates that issue.
VO: Aw, nah, dude!