-I am Gunnery Sergeant MacArthur,
your senior drill instructor!
Over the next six weeks, you will see so much of me
that I will be like everyone to you!
It will seem as if
all the people who are normally around you are me!
Do I make myself clear? -Sir, yes, sir!
-I can't hear you! -Sir, yes, sir!
-Look at how scared you are.
You all look more scared than a...scared little person.
You call yourselves soldiers?
You're not soldiers!
You look more like... non-soldiers!
You're all a bunch of weak, out-of-shape, pale, thin,
weak, out-of-shape non-soldiers who are scared...
and weak!
You understand me, bad-news soldier?
-Sir, yes, sir!
-Look at how fat and out of shape you are.
What's your name? -Sir! Bronski, sir!
-Well, from now on your name is...
Mr. Out of Shape Person!
You like that? -Sir, yes, sir!
-[ Chuckles ]
-Who thinks that funny?
Who just wrote his own...
not-alive-anymore certificate?
Was it you, soldier?
You think the Army's just one big...joke building.
What's your name? -Sir, Bennett, sir!
-Not anymore, Bennett.
From now on, your name is
Mr. Smiling, Laughing, Jokin' Around Man.
You like that name?
-Sir, yes, sir!
-Well, you better get used to it,
'cause everyone's gonna call you that.
What's his name?
-Sir, Mr. Smiling, Laughing, Jokin' Around Man, sir!
-Well, well.
Look at what we have here.
You remind me of my dog.
You know what I used to call my doggy?
Doggy!
That's your new name!
Mr. Reminds Me of Doggy.
-Sir, yes, sir!
-And you...
you scrawny little thing.
Why, I bet you're a homosexual.
That's your new name!
Mr. The Guy I Bet is a Homosexual.
-Sir, yes, sir!
-What are you looking at?!
You, with those eyes in your face...
Mr. Eyes In Face Man.
And you with that hair on your head...
Hair Head!
And look who's standing next to him --
Mister...
Feet Attached to Legs.
Well, well, what have we here?
Intellectual Boy!
Where'd you go to college?
-Sir, I attended Massachusetts Institute of Technology, sir!
-What's your name, soldier? -Sir, Einstein, sir!
-Einstein, huh?
You're a regular smart person. Yeah, Mr. Smart Person!
-Sir, may I suggest you nickname me Einstein, sir?
-Don't you mouth off at me!
Your Mr. Smart Guy Mouthin' Off at Me.
What's his name?
[ Indistinct shouting ]
You're not so smart now,
are you, Mr. Smart Guy Mouthin' Around?
Now you drop down and give 50 of those...
things where you go up and down.
-Sir, you mean pushups, sir?
-Don't you tell me what they are!
Now you're all gonna have to pay for...
Mr. Mouth Head's not being subordinate enough to me!
[ Shouts indistinctly ]
I'm gonna teach you a little song I wrote.
♪ Hup, two, three, four ♪
♪ I'm in the Army, I'm in the Army ♪
-♪ I'm in the Army, I'm in the Army ♪
-♪ I-I-I-I'm in the Army ♪
-♪ Army, Army, Army, Army ♪
-♪ A-A-A-A-Army ♪
-♪ A-A-A-A-A-A ♪
-♪ Rmy-y-y-y-y ♪
-♪ Army, Army, Army, Army, Army, Army, Army ♪
Live from New York,
it's "Saturday Night"!