Daniel: Hello and welcome to Slice of Ace!
Today, I have Sam with me. Would you like to introduce yourself, Sam?
Sam: I am Sam, also known as Samantha Aimee, and I'm an aro ace,
also known as aromantic asexual. Daniel: Yes, and Sam has a channel where she does some
stuff about asexuality and some stuff about Harry Potter sometimes, and
veganism, so if any of those things interest you, then go check her channel out.
I will leave links in the description. So what we're going to do today is I'm
going to be asking Sam some questions that we came up with together
and similarly on her channel, we have a video of her asking me some questions
Sam: Cool, let's do this.
Daniel: Okay, so to start off, how would you describe your asexuality, or your sexuality?
Sam: Well, as I said I am aromantic asexual
which means I neither have interests in a romantic or sexual relationship.
I'm happy with my mum, my sister, my dog and a couple of friends.
Daniel: So, have any doors opened for you since discovering about asexuality? Sam: Yes, I think
they definitely have. My first asexual video got quite a lot of views quite
fast and it really built my YouTube community. I only had a few subscribers
when I posted it. Also, when I joined Twitter I feel like, I felt more ingrained
in the asexuality community. AVEN are really nice and they talked to me a lot
and they presented me with an opportunity recently to write an article
for the Metro, so that's fun! Daniel: What was your dating life like before
discovering that you were asexual? Sam: all over the place. Like, the opposite of
yours. So, I started my life playing a lot of kiss chase in primary school, and
then in secondary school I decided that I didn't like boys and I was gay so I got
a girlfriend. We did stuff because I thought that
was normal to do stuff. She then read in my diary that I didn't like sex so that
tailed off. Then I had a couple of boyfriends and I didn't enjoy sex with
them either so then I was like "Let's just stop this madness", and I just
googled the word 'asexuality' and then I saw the light. Daniel: Yeah, that's a good- I think a lot
of people are presented with this idea of either straight or gay so if you
don't like the opposite gender, then you automatically think you like the same
gender. And that's a problem because of the problems of a lack of visibility
of asexuality which is what we're trying to fix! Sam: Yes, we're gonna take over the
world! Daniel: Mwahahaha! Do you feel it's necessary to come out as asexual and how do people
generally react when you do come out? Sam: I feel like I do sometimes, like in work
this week my workmate asked me how my car was cos I broke down last weekend,
and I was like "Oh it's fine and fifty six pounds later I'm back on the road". And
she was like "Oh, wait 'til you get a boyfriend. He can pay for everything for
you", and I was like "Actually, A: equality and B: no thank you!
I neither want boyfriend nor baby", and she was like "No, you're gonna change your
mind. I promise you, you're gonna change. You don't know who you are, you're gonna
change your mind!" and I'm like "No I'm not!". So sometimes, on occasions
like those, I feel like I need to tell people who I am. Other times, I just can
tell when people are gonna flirt with me and just dodge it. Daniel: There's a lot
of problems with that statement as well because
not only are they being very amatonormative, but this is quite sexist, saying
"Just get a boyfriend and he'll pay for things for you!"
Sam: She was like "Oh, a girlfriend then. I was like "No, stop it!". Where do you stand on the debate
regarding whether aces belong in the LGBT+ community? Sam: Okay, well I think that
it's just a bit stupid that people decide to gatekeep. It's supposed to be
essentially a community that stands for equality and I don't know who people
think they are trying to tell other people that they're better than them
because they enjoy the sex. But I basically think that if you feel like
you belong in the LGBT+ community - so hard to say - can we just come up with like a one-syllable-?
The luguhbuhtuh (LGBT): If you fit in there, if you feel like you belong, you belong. You don't need
anyone else's approval or validation. If you think you belong there and you've
got friends there and you're happy identifying as a luguhbutuh, then you
are. Congrats! Daniel: Yeah, I don't understand why, like, a gay
person - who faces all the discrimination of being gay because
there are still is problems with it, they're still homophobia - I don't get how
someone like that can then say "No, you are not coming because you're not queer
enough" or "You don't face enough discrimination". It's like a competition.
Sam: "You're not repressed enough to be here!"
Daniel: Ridiculous, especially because I'm pretty sure aces are repressed enough, just sayin'.
Sam: Like, I went to Pride last year as an asexual and I didn't feel out
of place. Yeah I wasn't there for the sexual attractions or the romantic
attractions, I was there to wear my flag around my shoulders,
and watch the drag queens. And I didn't feel pushed out but I guess there are
some people who dogged me up from behind. I dunno, maybe that happened? Daniel: I really liked seeing the...
it was like a tiny ace bit in the parade. So, What ace networks are you a part of?
Sam: I think my favourite ace network I'm part of is the UK Asexuality on Facebook
It's a closed group, I believe, so you have to ask to join. Daniel: Ask Sam! Sam: Ask me, I'll invite
you in! We won't push you out, but yeah. People
just like post daily thoughts or pictures of cats on there, so whatever on there. Daniel: CATS!
Sam: And it doesn't even have to be ace related, you just have to be ace and
then you're allowed in and we can enjoy things about you and things we have in
common and it's just place to make friends. Daniel: Yeah, I think like even if you're
not talking about asexuality, it's nice to have other people who share that
experience - that orientation - so you can just socialise with them and then
kind of already have something in common. It's like going to a board game club
and everyone likes board games but it's the ace club so everyone's ace. Sam: There's a lot of support on
there as well. People often post their problems and their worries and
we're all there to comment and support each other. Daniel: That is one thing I would say,
that the ace community is really supportive and accepting.
The ace communities on the internet are, like, the safest, nicest places on the
internet I've ever seen. So, have you met any aces in person? Presumably not
including me. Sam: Well I have a friend who is coming to terms with the fact that said
friend may be demisexual, so technically maybe. I mean, I'm pretty sure that they're
somewhere on the ace spectrum, like since I met
I was kind of like "Hmm, are you?" but it's not something I wanna ask. Daniel: it could just be that they're being
private about their sexual interests because not everyone you see would
necessarily be explicitly sexual, but yeah I understand what you mean. Like,
you're acedar went off. Sam: Yeah, but said friend has thrown the term demisexual at me drunk
on the phone so I'm gonna say yes. Probably, that's not a term you just
come across. Do you feel pressured to have a relationship despite your aromanticism?
Sam: I do. Like, there's this guy that comes into my work and I'm friends
with him on Facebook and I've got like a sneaking suspicion that he might like
me and, like, the past part of me that wants to be normal kind of keeps
whispering in my ear like "He's nice. He's good-looking. He's not a murderer, and we
already know his family." because there's a lot of customers that
come in that are related. They're all regulars. So obviously, it would be the
perfect solution. But, it's like it shouldn't be a solution because it's not
problem, you know? It just would make - it would shut other people up and that's
what I want. I don't like tension. Yeah I don't like
people asking me if I'm courting so I have considered it, but I know that
realistically it's not something that's going to happen. Daniel: Yes there is
unfortunately a lot of societal pressure to conform
and adhere to that standard of being in a monogamous,
romantic relationship. And it would be easier. It would be easier
not to be asexual. That's not- it's unfortunate, but it would be easier not
to be asexual. So yeah, it's understandable but you have
to remember that at the end of the day, you'd be happier single, you'd be happier
without that relationship and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
Is your romantic or your sexual orientation more important to you? Or are
about the same, or do you not distinguish? Sam: I feel like for me, they kind of go hand in hand because
I'm just abstaining from both things. Yeah, it's not something that I come out
as. So if say someone said "Wait 'til you get a boyfriend!", I wouldn't say "I neither
want sex nor a relationship." I'll just say "I'm not getting a boyfriend, thank
you." It's not really something I go into, so they're kind of equally as important
to me, the exact same thing. Daniel: Yeah, I think distinguishing between romantic and asexual
attraction is obviously something that's only really done in the asexual
community and that's because a lot of people, alloromantic people want relationships but don't
want the sex. We need that distinction to explain it simply. But
yeah, it makes sense that you kind of just kind of meld them together if
they're matching. Normally, when someone is gay
they're just homoromantic homosexual, but they don't say that. They're just gay or homosexual.
We over complicate things because otherwise how am I going to explain without saying "So I'm
gay, but I don't really want to have sex with you because I don't feel sexual attraction" and duhdudhduhdhuh
Yeah, it's easier just to say gay ace. Sam: Yeah, until people know what asexuality
is and how many labels there are inside it, then we're just gonna shorten it as
best we can. Daniel: Penultimate question: do sex scenes or
hypersexualisation in popular media bother you?
Sam: Not so much. I was watching The Fault in Our Stars last
night which is a film I love and I was just- they were about to have sex, and
I was just feeling their love for each other. I didn't, like, I kind of separate
it. I think, like, I really ship people and I want them to be together but, like, when
it comes to me, no. So alternatively, like, on Riverdale this week, people started
having sex and it just went on for way too long. There was lots of boobs, and
clothes coming off and I'm like "Yeah yeah, do it!" and then like too much
happened. I was like "Okay, cut. We've had enough." It went on for about five minutes and I
was like "Okay, just take the top off and then cut. That's fine." Daniel: Yeah I agree
totally. Netflix shows often have a lot of, like, explicit sex scenes in them
and when I was a uni, I used to do the dishes when they were having sex. So the sex scene starts - "Okay, I'm
doing the dishes." Sam: And then, like, you can do the dishes for about ten minutes and you
get back and they've just done it. Daniel: Yeah, and you're like "Good, there we go.
That bit never happened." No important story bits going on there, so it's fine. Um, cool.
Daniel: So, I think I was all the main questions. The only other thing was my
general Slice of Ace question I always ask, which is What is your favourite type of
cake? Sam: Well I've given this some thought already. Daniel: I prepared her.
Sam: So, if I'm making it myself, it's the Betty Crocker coffee cake mix
with the coffee frosting on top. Cos, like, I've just gone from growing up hating
coffee to a coffee addict like that. But also Belgian buns from Greggs.
Daniel: Belgian buns, what are those? Sam: those are the round ones with the icing and the cherry and the raisins
Sam: Pretty sure it's their only vegan cake. But they're really good and they have icing THAT thick.
Daniel: Icing's really good, you just need, like, more icing all the time. Sam: and then I shamelessly
lick the packaging because the icing's stuck to it. Daniel: Oh yeah, I do exactly the same thing.
You can't waste it! It would just be a waste. Cool, so
I think that is all we had to talk about, all we were going to talk about. Thank you for being here.
We also did a video like I said earlier on Sam's channel. I'll leave the link to that in
the description below and I also leave a link to all of Sam's
things. Sam: Socials. Daniel: Yes, so subscribe to her channel, and follow her on the Twitter
thing and any other links that you want to do? Those are the links in the description down there
Sam: Thank you
If you enjoyed this video, then please leave a like. I post videos every
Saturday, so if you want to see more, then feel free to subscribe! That is all I had to
say today, have a wonderful day and I shall see you next time! Sam: Bye! Daniel: Bye!
Sam: Playing a lot of kiss chase in primary school- excuse me!
Daniel: Sorry, I um, got a message
Daniel: Does it look like we're here to cut hair?!
Sam: We don't know a thing about cutting hair!
Sam: Someone has just died! Daniel: STOP DYING!
Sam: Ooh, she's been to Greggs