Today was the seventh day
in the impeachment trial of President Donald Jefar Trump.
And the big news is still the bombshell
dropped by John Bolton,
former national security advisor and broke-ass Monopoly man.
You see, in his upcoming book, John Bolton claims
that President Trump did, in fact, have a quid pro quo
with Ukraine where he demanded dirt on Joe Biden
-and a side of fries. -(laughter)
So, John Bolton has now thrown a wrench
into Trump's impeachment trial,
which has been a major topic of discussion
amongst Trump's most trusted advisers-- Fox News.
Now, what's interesting is that not too long ago,
John Bolton was clearly part of the Fox family.
Joining us now, Fox News contributor,
former U.S. Ambassador to the U.N., John Bolton.
Who better to bring in than American Enterprise Institute
scholar, Ambassador John Bolton.
Ambassador Bolton, always good to see you.
Ambassador, good morning to you.
Good evening, Ambassador. Merry Christmas.
We love seeing you each and every day.
MAN: Ambassador John Bolton is being walked
-to the studio by Steve Doocy. -(indistinct chatter)
Come on, Ambassador Bolton! Come on! Come on!
Trump wants to see if you're in shape.
He's watching!
Mr. President-Elect, this is what you can have.
Yay!
♪ ♪
-(laughter) -Whoa!
Oh, man.
If Shakira's hips don't lie, then those lips...
those hips are pathological liars,
because look at that. Look at that.
It looks like his legs are fused directly to his shoulders.
It's like watching C-3P0 trying to twerk.
That's what that look likes.
And you can tell, you can tell
how much people at Fox cared for John Bolton, you know?
He's like the goofy uncle who just wants to have fun
and wipe Iran off the planet.
But now that Bolton's allegations
could hurt President Trump, Fox News has made it very clear
that he is no longer invited to the family cookout.
We heard from other people,
uh, closely tied to the White House who said,
"Look, John Bolton is simply trying to sell a book,
and that's why the timing is so delicious."
There is nothing Bolton adds to the conversation.
As for John Bolton, well, it's really disappointing
if he ends up being just another think-tank type
trying to cash in on his time in the White House.
And the only reason anyone cares about what Bolton has to say is
because he was Trump's national security adviser, period.
(laughter)
Yeah, that's exactly why people want to hear from him.
Her tone makes her sound right,
but the words are completely wrong.
That's like somebody saying,
"The only reason anyone in the operating room listens to you
is because you're the head of surgery!"
Yes, that's exactly it.
But it's clearly obvious,
Fox is now done with Bolton
because he went against Donald Trump.
And at Fox News, you can do a lot of things,
but there's two things you can never do--
criticize Trump or have a regular-sized neck.
(laughter)
And no one is as butt-hurt
over Bolton's betrayal as Lou Dobbs,
Fox Business host, and guy who locks his car doors
when he hears black music on the radio.
The way he talks, it sounds like
he's already impeached Bolton from his friends list.
John Bolton himself has been reduced
to a tool for the radical Dems and the deep state.
He served as Romney's foreign policy adviser
during Romney's failed 2012 presidential run.
Romney's long had connections
with foreign policy rhinos, and they with him.
Bolton one of them. See how it works?
You bet. Not so complicated, is it?
(laughter)
Am I the only one who doesn't understand that chart?
(laughter)
Because according to Lou Dobbs,
the Vindman brothers have no connection to each other?
(laughter)
How does that work?
What, when they were kids,
did they only communicate through Bolton?
(laughter)
It's just like, "Mr. Bolton, tell my brother
to give my toy back."
"No, Mr. Bolton.
Tell him I said he can only have it tomorrow."
"Both of you calm down!
It's my toy."
(crying)
And it's really sad that Lou Dobbs is so anti-Bolton now,
because until a few months ago, till a few months ago,
it seemed like he was Bolton's number one fan.
I think, uh, anyone who knows John Bolton
is celebrating, uh, because of his, uh,
his intellect, his capacity, his experience, his talent.
John Bolton is one bright, highly-knowledgeable individual
who has the interest of this country
and this president in mind every step of the way.
John Bolton served this president well,
and we thank him for his service.
I don't think most people realize
what a respected, uh, uh,
figure you are, a respected attorney.
Uh, you know, we never talk about that, but anyway...
John Bolton, a Fox News contributor, a great American.
Damn!
One minute, John Bolton is a great American,
and the next, he's a tool for the deep state.
I haven't seen a flip like that since bread.
-(laughter) -Yeah, think about it.
For all of history, for all of human history,
we were like, "Bread is the life force
"that has sustained human civilization
for thousands of years."
Then, all of a sudden, five years ago,
we were like, "(bleep) you, bread!
I eat sandwiches on lettuce now!"
(laughter)
But Fox News has put out a clear message
to every single one of Trump's supporters.
It doesn't matter how much they liked you before.
If you talk smack,
they will turn on you faster than John Bolton on a Fit Board.