Primary voting is kicking off in just a couple of weeks,
which means people around the country are starting
to decide which candidate they're supporting,
and that means endorsements are beginning to roll in.
Bernie Sanders was endorsed by AOC
and the National Nurses Union.
Andrew Yang got the endorsement
of Donald Glover and Dave Chappelle.
And Mike Bloomberg got the endorsement
-of the other six dwarfs. -(laughter)
But... there's one endorsement
that Democrats have been waiting for all week:
The New York Times.
It's the country's most trusted paper
and where America turns for news
until they run out of free articles.
-(laughter) -And last night,
in the middle of another super- contentious primary season,
The New York Times decided...
not to decide.
Democrats running for president are getting a boost
from The New York Times editorial board.
For the first time ever,
the paper endorsed two candidates in the primaries:
Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar.
The Times says that Warren is the best leftist candidate,
while Klobuchar is the centrist choice.
Yeah. For the first time in 160 years,
The New York Times decided to endorse two candidates.
Which seems like a copout.
Right? You're only supposed to make one endorsement.
That's how it works.
Right? You never saw a LeBron ad where he was like,
"To quench my thirst, I choose Sprite. Or water.
"It's fine, either way. I mean, they both work.
Whichever one. You choose."
Now, even though the Times decision was a letdown
for some people, I did appreciate
how transparent the process was.
You see, the paper's editorial board brought in each candidate
for lengthy interviews
which they then released to the public.
It was great, because we got to learn a little bit more
about all of the candidates. For instance,
we learned that if you're having a surprise birthday party,
don't get Bernie to plan it.
What are you likely to fail at or to do poorly as president?
Look, I don't tolerate bullshit terribly well.
And I come from a different background
than a lot of other people who run the country.
I'm not good at backslapping.
I'm not good at pleasantries.
If you have your birthday, I'm not gonna call you up
to congratulate you so you'll love me
and you write nice things about me.
That's not what I do.
Never have. And I, you know,
I-I take that as a little bit of a criticism, self-criticism.
I have been amazed at how many people respond
to, "Happy birthday."
"Oh, Bernie, thanks so much for calling."
You know, it works. It's just not my style.
-(laughter) -Goddamn!
Bernie Sanders does not mess around.
The question was, "What would you be bad at as president?"
and his answer somehow became, "(bleep) birthdays."
-(laughter) -I feel like Bernie should just start
his own line of Hallmark cards,
and it's just a white piece of paper that says, "Whatever."
It's almost-- you know what it is?--
it's almost starting to feel like Larry David
impersonated him on SNL,
so now Bernie is impersonating Larry in real life.
-You know? He's just like, "And why... -(applause)
"and why are we doing this? Huh?
"Why are we still blowing out candles?
"You know what? You know what my wish is?
"To eat a slice of cake without your spit on it.
How about that, huh? How about that?"
And to be fair to Bernie, once you get to his age,
birthdays aren't that fun anymore.
Yeah. You get that many candles on a cake,
Greta Thunberg's gonna show up and protest your carbon output.
-Come on, now. -(laughter)
Now, there was... there was one notable candidate
who did not sit down with The New York Times.
Former mayor of New York,
and world's cutest ATM, Michael Bloomberg.
Apparently, there was some confusion.
You see, the editors asked if he would come by The New York Times
and he responded, "Sure, I'll buy The New York Times.
How's $20 billion? I found it in my couch."
So Bloomberg wouldn't speak to The Times, right?
But he did spend the weekend doing outreach
to a different group of people: black people.
NEWSMAN: Michael Bloomberg,
hoping to win over black voters.
He gave a major speech on race
in Tulsa, Oklahoma, on Sunday.
Bloomberg attempted to connect with black voters
by discussing how he has benefitted from white privilege.
The challenge of African American wealth creation today
is inextricably linked to the racial inequalities of the past,
and I'm determined to make breaking that link
a centerpiece of my presidency.
As someone who has been very lucky in life,
I often say my story would only have been possible in America,
and I think that's true.
But I also know that my story would have turned out
very differently if I had been black,
and that more black Americans of my generation
would have ended up with far more wealth
had they been white.
Okay. Wow.
Michael Bloomberg delivered a speech in Tulsa, Oklahoma,
acknowledging his white privilege.
It was succinct, it was clear, and that's one thing
you'll almost never see old white men do.
Yeah. Well, that and covering their balls in the locker room.
-(laughter) -And can I be honest?
I'm proud of Mike Bloomberg--
not just for admitting his white privilege
but also for how he used it.
'Cause I see so many white people
wasting their white privilege on stupid shit,
like getting out of parking tickets
or complaining to the manager.
My man Bloomberg over here used his white privilege
to make $60 billion!
Yeah! He privileged the shit out of that whiteness.
-(laughter) -That's how you're supposed to use it.
And look, we all know the reason
Bloomberg is doing so much outreach to the black community.
It's because, as mayor of New York,
his police did a little too much outreach to the black community.
Yeah. But if Bloomberg wants to make up for stop-and-frisk,
you know what he should do?
He should just do more stop-and-frisk again,
but this time leave a hundred dollars
in everyone's pocket that he stops. Yeah.
Now, it wasn't just reporters from the Times
interviewing the candidates.
Our own correspondents from The Daily Show
were also there with the candidates
to ask them some questions of their own.
Say something mean about Biden.
I'm not gonna do this. I'm-I'm just not.
Oh, come on. Just one nasty comment.
We need a fight to keep the ratings up.
I'm glad to talk to you about why I'm running for president.
-Okay. -But not to attack.
I'll just say you called him an old bitch.
Old bitch Biden.
Senator Sanders, let's talk domestic issues.
How do I fix my failing marriage?
You take a minority and you demonize that minority
and you blame that minority,
and you take the despair and the anger
and the frustration that people are feeling,
and you say, "That's the cause of your problem."
Okay. Minority.
Senator, I know this is a terrible question
to even think about, and nobody really wants to ask this, but...
we have to know: What if, while you're president,
they make another Cats movie?
Oh, that's... that's a deeply worrisome thought.
It is.
Love it, guys. Thank you so much.