Today is the birthday of the late, great David Bowie.
-I was a huge fan. -(cheering and applause)
Most of you know him.
There's a photo with Trent Reznor.
Resurfaced recently 'cause, uh, Trent was covering a Bowie song.
Question, guys.
Who's the third celebrity cut out of this photo?
-You. -Is it Mick Jagger?
Is it Michael Jackson?
-Or... -Tilda Swinton.
You're the closest. Take a look.
-Oh. -Oh!
-STEWART: I was the closest. I called that! -SPADE: Morgan.
-Morgan brought it. Just right off the bat. -I knew.
See? They didn't even tell me the answer.
-Ba-Bash. -Did you take a ruiner class
-at the learning center? -(laughter)
It's me, everybody.
Here's what happened.
I was at a concerto for Bowie in the old days
'cause he knows Dennis Miller. He doesn't know me.
He knows these other guys I know.
Bobcat. And so he came to a stand-up show once.
He was actually around too much. No. Um, no, he was...
I was very starstruck around him.
So, here it is backstage. Anyway, we all got a picture.
And then I'm cropped out,
-and it's really humiliating. -Well, I mean, it looks like
he doesn't want to take the picture with you, though.
-Yeah. -No, he does.
-No. He's kind of like, "Okay." -You don't know Bowie.
"Okay."
SPADE: He's so fun.
-Oh, he's great at cribbage. -STEWART: It is...
-The body language is very much like... -The body language!
"We got to get him in as a favor."
SPADE: I've heard...
Erik, you've been cropped out of selfies.
-Is this possible? -MARTINDALE: Has he?
-I mean, the list goes on. -Here we go, everybody.
-No, no. -How do you feel about that?
Morgan, what's it like never being cropped out of a photo?
No. This is not true.
I-I'd rather be cropped out of a photo
than have a photo posted of me that's not good,
and that's happened plenty of times.
-Like, every day on the show. -Oh, I'm sure.
-No, trust me. -SPADE: No.
-There are bad angles. -All of your pictures are terrible.
There are some bad angles of me, trust me.
SPADE: Well, Morgan... You know,
-group pictures I have a problem with. -MARTINDALE: Yeah.
I don't take them for that reason.
(laughs): You don't? You step out?
-I can't do it. -Because you put it in someone else's hands.
-Because... (laughs) -That's what happens, right?
-They take it and... -Nobody looks good.
If you take a photo with five people, there's...
It's very rare that everybody looks good, so I just avoid it.
-I am right here. -Is that not true?
(laughter)
-Do you not look good in pictures? -Well,
as a gay kid growing up in Texas,
I was always cropped out of the family pictures.
(laughter and applause)
-So... -(laughs)
Yeah, I don't like when people take a picture,
then they go, "I'll post this later."
And I go... (groans)
Because I think with women, especially--
not to be mean-- but I think you should ask approval for...
Like, you send it to them and say, "Can I post this?
-Or do you want it...?" -(applause)
-"Do you want to throw some tricks on it?" -(laughs)
-Look at all the women. "That's right." -Golf claps all around.
-Revolutionary. -No, I'm saying...
It's not saying women aren't attractive.
You're saying, "Just make it the way you want it."
Don't blindside them with something.
-STEWART: Yes. -MARTINDALE: You're a feminist.
-You are... Oh, my God. -I'm a great guy.
-Yeah. -It's called great guy syndrome.
All right. By the way,
shocking news out of Great Britain.
Uh, shocking news.
Prince Harry-- it's not that shocking--
-and Meg Markle announced... -STEWART: "Meg."
-(laughing) -She's in SAG.
-I feel like she's a friend. -Got it.
-Um, she... -(laughing)
They announced
they are gonna step away from the royal family.
Whoa! They're gonna become financially independent
and-and get on with the program.
I don't even know, really, what that means.
-I don't either. -Well, it went from Brexit to Megxit.
-That's what I feel like. -Oh, I like that.
-Yeah. -Catchy. -Yeah. -And, apparently,
black does crack...
up a family.
MARTINDALE: Oh!
Oh, she did!
-Oh, she did! -I like it.
♪ This is how we do it! ♪
And, also, congrats to Prince Harry
-for being the Rob Kardashian of the royals, right? -Yeah.
Prince Andrew's like, "Can I get back in now?
"Is there a hole? Is it like a club, -Right, right.
-one guy comes out?" Yeah. -No pun intended, no pun intended.
They-they give away a lot of money, these two.
But now that they're gonna h-- It's gonna be their money.
All of a sudden, they're gonna be like, "Uh..."
STEWART: "We're a little tight this month."
-"Yeah, a little tight." -Well, people are gonna be like,
"Was that Prince Harry and Meghan at Arby's
-the other day?" -SPADE: Yeah.
I don't know you could do that. Like, Lady Di was probably like,
"Oh, I can scram and get an apartment in Westwood?
Why would I be over here?" 'Cause they were on her.
-She's turning over in her grave right now. -Uh... -Aw, too soon.
-What? -Very soon.
-It's always gonna be too soon. -It's always...
-What-what just happened?! -Off-limits! -No.
-He does that. He flips it on you. -Wow!
She can be used in a setup, not a punch line.