NARRATOR: This program contains subject
matter and language that may be disturbing to some viewers.
Viewer discretion is advised.
I'm Brian.
I'm 43 years old.
And I live in Miami, Oklahoma.
So I was a funeral director.
Some people call it morticians, undertakers.
What I did was direct funerals and help families.
I built this myself in 2011.
Brian was intelligent, successful, a good father.
But Brian has nothing now.
I am an alcoholic.
[dramatic music]
I'll drink vodka, whiskey, and Bacardi.
I mean, I do beer, but I like the quickness of hard liquor.
Brian used to stash bottles everywhere.
They were all over the funeral home.
They were all over the house that we lived in.
Everywhere I looked, there were bottles.
It makes me feel better.
It breaks my heart to see Brian like this.
And I've told him this over and over.
He's going to die.
I've seen him get so sick that he had violent seizures,
but nothing stops him, nothing.
When Brian is drinking, he is cocky,
and arrogant, and patronizing.
He's not a mean drunk per se.
He never ever hit me, ever, or the kids.
He stumbles around and cuts himself.
I think probably about five times
he's fallen and cutting himself right here
in the middle of his forehead.
Ruh-roh.
I love the three-drink Brian.
I love that mentality.
The problem is, I can't stop there.
I just needed a little bump.
I was wondering where this was.
Sometimes, I think about the old Brian
and how I want to pick him up in my arms
and hold him and say everything's
going to be OK, that we're past that.
And I can't.
None of us ever dreamed that Brian would ever
be in this position, never.
[music playing]
Brian was beautiful when he was born.
He had big, brown eyes, a lot of black hair.
Sweet little boy, very quiet.
BRIAN: I had a good childhood.
I grew up on the farm, big cattle
ranch, tractor dealership.
I mean, I came from family of means.
He was just a typical kid growing up.
He had two parents that adored him.
My dad worked all the time.
He was an alcoholic.
When Brian was growing up, I don't think
his parents got along well.
There is one memory that stands out.
He hit her so many times on the side of the head
that she couldn't hear out of her left ear
for, like, four days.
By the time I left, he was drinking way too much.
My parents got a divorce when I was seven.
[dramatic music]
We moved into an apartment.
And he had been used to acres and acres of land to play on.
He still saw his dad on weekends.
And they did things together then.
But it was difficult for him.
I was like a second mom to Brian.
He stayed with me a lot.
I'd take him the school, or whatever he needed to do,
help him with his homework.
When I first met Brian, we were in high school.
And he was a really nice, fun, intelligent guy.
Karin is beautiful.
She was beautiful then.
She was sweet and innocent.
Karin's dad is a Baptist minister.
And Brian went through Bible study,
just so he and Karin could see each other.
They just loved each other a lot from the beginning.
We dated for three and a half years before we got married.
He was a great guy.
We got along well.
And it was just kind of a normal deal.
When Karin and I got married, I was in college.
Brian went to OCU in Oklahoma City.
And he majored in mortuary science.
The reason why I wanted to be a funeral director
was because my stepdad.
He was the funeral director.
And he asked me to help him a couple of times on a funeral.
I was 16 years old at the time.
You have to have a gift for it.
You have the calmness.
You have the patience communicating with families.
And I just had a knack for it.
When Brian was in college, he started an apprenticeship
with a funeral home in the area.
[dramatic music]
I heard the blast.
But of course at the time, I didn't know what it was.
But I heard the blast.
Brian was about 21 when the bombing happened.
And we were all in shock.
Brian's role in the Oklahoma City bombing
and the aftermath of all that was as
an apprentice funeral director.
And he went down to the site and helped
them remove the bodies that they had pulled out of the rubble
there.
SUSIE: Brian had to embalm many, many people,
find body parts that matched.
On the front page of Life Magazine,
there was a picture of a firefighter holding
a baby that picked her out.
And I held that baby.
And I was with that mom.
[cries] I held that baby.
And I had the mom come in.
I held that baby.
It was a rough time for everyone.
Brian hasn't talked about it that much.
He really resents people who do because he
feels like that they're getting attention for themselves.
SUSIE: He came home, and we worried a lot about him
having to do that kind of work.
But he said he felt so honored to have
been chosen to help with that.
Brian was proud of himself.
And we were proud of him.
[slow music]
Brian was an excellent funeral director.
He was just a local boy that people truly felt that he
was part of their family.
And then after a couple of years,
he was promoted to general manager over three locations.
And we were very comfortable at that time.
Brian and Karin appeared to be a very happy couple.
[slow music]
KARIN: When Holden was born, Brian was doing pretty good.
He'd be home, help around the house.
And things were pretty good then.
And after he had been out of school
maybe for about 10 years, he decided
he wanted to try to open up his own funeral home.
KARIN: And that was about the time
that Brian started drinking and started having a lot of issues
there at work.
He began to drink more often than just socially
and started drinking at home also.
He started drinking at a buddy's house.
So he would go from work directly to his friend's house
and drink there until late at night.
I was noticing that Brian was drinking.
I called him one day.
And I said something to him about it.
He said, I'm fine.
I'm not going to be like my dad.
KARIN: Very quickly he became addicted.
And it was also a coping mechanism for him
when things would go wrong or to deal with stress.
I think a lot of it was to deal with stress of all
the demands from that job.
I have never met a funeral director that doesn't drink,
ever.
It's a rewarding job, but it's a sad job.
When I had my second child, Avery, Brian
was drinking a lot then.
And he was gone a lot then.
The night that I went into labor, I tried to wake him up.
And he was passed out cold.
There was no way he was getting up.
I ended up driving myself to the hospital at 2:00
in the morning.
Karin gave him the ultimatum, "you go to a rehab.
I'm not living like this anymore."
[slow music]
Brian lives with his mother, or I want to say,
he stays with his mother.
He doesn't actually live anywhere.
Go get ready.
I will.
My dad was an alcoholic.
And this is not nice, but I'm going to say it.
I think my mom would make most people be an alcoholic.
MOM: Right now, Brian is doing construction work.
He'll work two weeks, and then he'll be off two weeks.
And the way it's going now, he works for two weeks,
and then he's drunk for two weeks.
So why is this hearse parked out here?
What difference does it make?
Well, bad memories of that [bleep] funeral home?
Don't talk to me like that.
I'm not talking to you like that.
Do you understand me?
Don't use the words.
I don't know this Brian.
And I don't want to know him because I don't like him.
And what do you do now?
Now, you sit around and you drink.
Tell me what to do right now.
Go take a shower, number one.
OK.
You're not going to do anything.
I know what you're like.
You're going to put it off until everybody forgets about it.
Oh, [bleep].
Would you shut the [bleep] up?
Don't talk to me like that.
You use that word one more time, I'm going to slap your face.
It hurts so much to see my baby killing himself.
And there's nothing I can do.
You don't want to do anything that'll
take you away from your bottle.
And you know that's true.
- I-- - Look at me.
Look at me. - What?
I'm through.
I want to see my grandkids again.
You're not going to keep them from me.
You will not see the grandkids, I guarantee you.
You--
You better get ready for this [bleep]
funeral home because if I--
I told you not to use that word again.
[dramatic music]
MOM: Brian, I'm writing this letter
to you because I want the opportunity
to tell you again how I feel.
You slowly turned into someone that I don't even know anymore
and someone I don't want to know.
From the loving kind, respectful boy that I knew,
my memories are now filled with broken promises, lies.
You steal from me.
I stay up night after night after night
and worry about you.
I remember when we opened the funeral home,
and we were so proud.
But things have changed.
And instead of kissing your children goodnight,
they pray every night for you to get better.
Now your children return home from visits with you,
and they are heartbroken because you were drinking
and couldn't spend time with them.
[slow music]
Will you get some help today?
OK.
Yes?
I love you, Brian, so much.
At 60 days, I feel healthier.
On the physical side of it, I have more energy.
Mentally, I feel clearer.
And spiritually, I feel a lot stronger, too.
And with the combination of those three things,
I'm looking forward to the future
and what is still yet to come.
Being sober has definitely changed me.
It's given me a new outlook on life.
It's a more positive outlook.
I'm realizing more what my life can be.
Dad.
Hey, guys.
I did miss my dad.
I really missed him so bad, just makes me happy
that I finally get to see him.
- I missed you. - I missed you, guys.
Yeah, I missed you too.
[music playing]