How are you?
I'm fine, How are you?
I'm good, I haven't seen you in a while.
I know, since like August or something.
Did you have a good Thanksgiving?
I had a great Thanksgiving.
My brother David was in town,
so we got to celebrate it together.
Oh that's nice, and he's also a very funny author.
He's all right.
No, he's a really funny author.
(laughing)
And he did the David Letterman show
and it was great, it was really funny
and it was really a nice segment,
and then my father called after we ate,
and he was like, "You look terrible.
You have no personality. You blew it, you blew it.
Where were those bow ties I gave you?"
It was so funny.
(Amy laughs)
Who calls up their son after he's appeared on a talk show
and says you did horribly?
My father Hercules.
Oh.(laughs)
(audience laughing)
It was great, he meant it in a nice way though.
Oh yeah, I'm sure.
That's just what you wanna hear on Thanksgiving.
I know you cook?
Yes, I do, all the time.
Does your, Who else cooks in your family?
Does your brother cook?
We all cook, but we cook different things,
you know what I mean?
Like my little brother, Paul, the rooster.
He cooks, like he has a freezer full of food,
let's say he has some frozen chicken wings.
Then he'll take them out
and he'll bust them apart with the heel of his foot
and put some Hawk's barbecue sauce on it,
and stick it in the broiler and then he'll eat what he can
and will throw it out in the trash can,
then two hours later, he will go out and get it,
pick through the trash like a raccoon.
(audience laughing)
But I like the all busted open with his foot.
He'll go back, if he's already thrown it out,
and decided I want some more.
Yeah. Come on, you've done that, haven't you?
No I have not.
You've never thrown something out
and then gone back and got it.
With some flan once, yes, I threw up the flan.
And then I just went and scooped it out.
And then I fought a raccoon for it.
(laughing)
No, I never did that.
Now, whenever you're on the show,
you're very good with crafts.
Yes I am.
You just are. It's what you do.
Thanks a lot.
It's one of your talents.
You're very good with the crafts.
You brought some, what did you bring today?
Somehow 'cause there's a war going on.
I brought some crafts that you might wanna make
since it's hard times.
Yeah.
So, first of all, my little brother wanted me
to give you a T-shirt from his floor sanding business.
This is from his floor sanding business?
Yeah, you know, Silly P Hardwood Floors.
Oh, I should hold this up, 'cause he loves you.
so he gets some business, who knows? Yeah.
This is Sedaris Hardwood Floors.
The Sedaris Hardwood. Check it out.
Quality Shines through. Isn't that nice.
Oh, wait, look what's in the back here though.
Check this out. Quality shines through.
Who is this guy in the back?
(Audience laughing)
Yeah, I'll do your floors.
Is that the guy you want to be advertising slogan?
You want that guy? (laughing)
I'll do.
(audience laughing)
Well, at Christmas every year, Paul makes you,
my little brother makes me something called,
"the (beep) bucket", and what it is, is you-
What the hell! (audience laughing)
You take a bucket. Wait back it up.
It's called a (beep) bucket.
Okay, alright, alright. (audience laughing)
And you fill it with candy
and just stuff that'll make you happy.
So when you're feeling down,
you just reach back and grab you a fist of (beep) candy.
Oh, you didn't write it out.
I thought for a minute you wrote it.
I wrote, "Uck it Bucket" just in case. Ratings.
(laughing)
So I thought-
And so the idea is that if you're feeling down,
you can just say, "blanket." Yeah, reach back.
(beep) it and you reach it.
All right, All right. It's just some candy.
(audience laughing)
I just gave you an audible cue to start saying blankets.
You know , but not you Amy, you had to go for the glory.
You got potatoes.
Just stick pencils in it for pencil holders.
What? (audience laughing)
Baby Shoes make really nice ashtrays for the holidays.
If you've got a little baby shoe down there.
What! You just put it out there?
(mumbling) (Audience laughing)
The wishbone from like the Turkey I saved it
and put a rubber band for like slingshots
for the children to make a slingshot.
These are the, I'm sorry.
These are the worst crafts I've ever seen.
They're not crafts. They are not.
What are these?
They're just for when you don't have any money.
You just attacked this potato with some pencils
and called it a craft. (Amy laughing)
(Audience laughing)
Look what I did. (grunts)
You can clean out your hair brush and make candles.
Why did you put in the uck it bucket?
Why did you, there's candy and stuff.
And then there's Gillette Good News Razors.
(audience laughing)
What the hell. It's like,
"I'm gonna kick back and enjoy myself. I can't deal."
It can be called anything.
What? That's crazy.
But people are still calling my house
and ordering Cheese balls.
So I thought I'd teach you how to make a Cheese balls.
You know I will attest to this.
You've been on the show before
and you brought your smoked cheese balls-
My Smoky Cheese ball. Okay.
And they're great. They're delicious.
And you're kind of a known throughout Manhattan
for these great cheese balls. Cheese balls.
And you're gonna show us how to make them?
I'm gonna teach you how to make them.
Let's do it right now. Okay.
This will be fun. Let's run over here.
(audience applauding)
Okay. First of all, you wanna put something on
to protect your head. So I put on a fall. Here you go.
What's this?
You're gonna put on a hair.
This is what I do in home when I cook.
I was told at rehearsal, this would be a hair net.
(laughs) Oh, no.
They didn't say, it would be a wig.
So I just put something on my Head.
How does this protect my, what is this-
It just makes you look good.
You know, feel good about yourself. You look really pretty.
(Audience laughing)
(Amy laughing) Ting-town.
Then you're gonna wanna put on a-
I feel like I'm in the band creed, all of a sudden
(audience applauding)
(mimicking)
(audience applauding)
(laughing)
Okay.
Those guys take themselves very serious. Alright.
Whatever, some people like them.
We'll do this fast cause we don't have a lot of time
Yeah, we get very little time here.
So we gotta do this real fast.
You're gonna grate smoked Gouda.
Smoked Gouda.
sample like that.
Okay.
You wanna do anything or do you want me to do, okay.
You're just gonna grate that.
(makes grinding sound)
You're gonna to take two eight ounce packages
of cream cheese there. Right, okay.
You're gonna add-
This doesn't look too healthy, by the way.
Stick of butter.
Stick of butter. That's always good.
Dick Cheney loves it. All right, let's go.
(laughing)
Okay. Then when you get all that grated,
you're gonna add it to the bowl.
Right.
You're gonna add some Steak A1 sauce.
That's the secret, I bet. That's the secret.
That's what gives it the smokey flavor.
Damn right.
(audience laughing)
Then you're gonna add a little bit of milk.
Yeah.
Okay and then I use a blender,
but we don't have one right now,
but you're gonna mix it together with your hands.
It's your show, it's so low grade,
We can't have a blender.
(audience laughing)
I love that.
Then last night at three in the morning,
I crushed some walnuts and made some that.
See you throw those in there.
Oh no, then you're gonna form a ball
and you're going to roll it in this crushed nut mixture.
Okay. How do you make the ball?
Well, if you had grated the cheese,
like you were supposed,
you just grab it all and form a ball,
or do you wanna just form a Ball?
Oh, I guess it's all my fault now.
It's your fault.
You are the worst. And then what? This is a finished one.
Show them what a finished one looks like.
So then it's gonna look like this,
and then you can decorate it.
And then the guy, people come over to my apartment
and they pick it up for $20.
(audience laughing)
You sell them out of your apartment.
Yeah
(laughing)
You just have like a, there's gonna be a sting operation
where you're illegally selling cheese balls
out of your apartment.
Right. It's 20 bucks.
All right. Well, that's nice.
And people can make this.
Do you have any questions?
I think we just taught nobody nothing
with this segment right here.
Oh really, you didn't learned that?
I don't think anybody learned anything from that,
but it got us both looking crazy.
That's the important thing.
(laughing)
A wonder of the World is now playing
at the Manhattan theater club right here in New York city.
Sleeps 2:50.
(audience laughing)
Sleeps 2:50. I don't know anymore.
Amy Sedaris.
We'll be right back.
(audience applauding)
Thank you