We didn't get the parade,
we got the month.
Black history month.
That's a-- not a big fan.
Never liked it.
Here's the truth, everybody's
got a month.
I don't know if you know that
or not.
In America, everybody's got a month.
If you check the calendar,
everybody's got a month.
There's an Asian month,
there's Hispanic month,
there's LGBTXYQ month.
And everybody's got them.
Just Black history month is the one
that's gotten all the fame, right.
And like I said, never liked it.
Mainly because I went
to a predominately white school
growing up,
and I was the only Black kid
in my class.
And I don't know why you bother
having Black history month when
there's only one Black kid
in the class.
Hey, Ron.
I'm going to take 28 days
and just point out how different are
than everyone else in this room.
That won't work on your psyche,
will it?
A little bit.
I'm serious.
My teacher would do that.
OK, tomorrow Rod's going to bring
in something else
from Africa, because it's
Black History month.
Isn't that right, Rod?
No.
I can bring you something
from Cleveland.
I have never been to Africa.
I don't know how I got in this prep
school, I'm not that smart.
I can't find Africa on a map.
I went to a school had 437 kids
in it, 11 Black kids.
I'm the only Black kid in my class.
Here's the thing with kids man,
they teach you just because you're
different.
They just-- I'm the only Black,
they just tease me.
It's not racial, they just tease me
because I'm different.
I remember one time we took a school
field trip to New York City.
And my classmates kept asking me,
hey Rod, Rod.
Rod, take us up to Harlem, right.
Show us around.
You'll protect us, won't ya?
No, that's not going
to happen.
I'm nine years old.
I'm not protecting anybody.
I came on the same bus from Ohio
you idiots did.
I don't know anything about--
Here's a little tip.
Because apparently white people,
you don't know this.
But Black people, we're
scared of Black people too, so.
And if you're Black
and you don't laugh,
you're lying to yourself.
You know what I'm talking about.
Everybody Black has had that moment
where you walk in somewhere,
and there's a whole bunch
of Black people don't know.
You go, whoa.
What is going on here?
Get your purse, baby.
We're not staying.
I don't know who these people are.
That's how bad this country really
is in terms of how we treat
each other, right.
Like how bad the stereotypes are,
right.
I'm afraid of my own people.
I'm going to tell you a true story.
I went to the airport three years
ago to go to Tampa, Florida.
And when I got to my gate,
it was all Black people.
All Black people.
Like there were 122 Black people
getting on the plane.
And I'm like, what is going on here?
I was concerned, right.
I'm like, what am I flying,
soul plane?
What is happening?
Am I flying soul plane?
Is Kevin Hart the pilot?
What is happening?
I got so nervous,
I called the flight attendant.
Come here, come here, come here,
come here.
Who are all of these people?
I called my own people these people,
right.
And then she got cute.
I thought they came with you sir.
No, no, no, no.
That didn't happen.
I didn't bring a hundred
and something Black people
to the airport in my Ford Focus.
What are you ridiculous?
That's the reality, ladies
and gentlemen,
in terms of all the stuff
that you hear in the world
about race.
The reality is, we're exactly alike.
Black people
are scared of Black people
in large numbers
when we're not expecting it, just
like you are when you go someplace.
Well, not here in Utah.
But if you got on a plane and you
went to Las Vegas,
or some major city like Chicago,
or Saint Louis.
You would see a whole lot
of Black people and you would be
scared, because I've seen you.
I've seen white people when you get
in a room and it's all people that
are not you.
You get that weird high thing
that you do.
Hi.
So the little wave.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi.
I'm the exact same way.
I get somewhere there's
a whole lot of Black people
I don't know, I'm nervous too.
That's why I live where I live,
with all the White gay guys.
Because I used to live in an all
Black neighborhood, I did.
And I was nervous all the time.
And you know, wow.
You guys don't know anything
about it, but I'm serious.
It's nerve wracking, it really is.
Because I was just
scared all the time.
Because you live in an all
Black neighborhood, you get robbed.
Seriously.
I'm not saying anything bad
about my people, I'm just saying.
A guy could pull up on a moving van
and take off all your stuff right
out the front door,
and you're Black neighbors will just
look out the window going, ooh,
he's getting robbed.
Baby they got his big screen.
They got his big screen,
they're taking it.
Should I call the police?
You better mind your own business.
That's why I like having
white neighbors, I really do.
Because white people,
you make a neighborhood safe.
You do.
Because you're nosy,
you ask questions.
You ask a lot
of questions.
Let a strange Black guy pull
into my driveway, my gay neighbors
will come outside.
Hello.
Hi.
I'm Steve, this is my boyfriend
Brian.
Who are you exactly?
When I get home, right.
I get the lowdown.
Your friend Tyrone came by.
He just bought a new car.
He seems nice.
White guys take
the neighborhood seriously, man.
They do.
Like there is a real thing.
A white guy hears the noise outside.
Like he gets up at 3:00
in the morning go pee, right.
He hears a noise outside.
He looks out the window,
and there's a guy out there messing
with cars.
He takes interest in that.
What's going on out here?
Honey, there's a guy out here
messing with cars.
What time is it, three?
Wake up there's a guy out here
messing with cars.
What is he doing?
What is that man doing?
I'm going out there.
And you do, you go right out there.
Nothing on but boxer shorts,
black socks, sandals.
You start yelling at the guy.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Yeah, you with the pistol
and the ski mask on.
What are you doing?
Your Black neighbors are looking out
the window going,
he's about to get shot, baby.
He's about to get shot.
That's not even his car.
Why is he interested like that?
That man
keeps his neighborhood safe,
because I wouldn't go out there.
I'm not going out there
at all, because it's not even
my car.
OK.