Okay, we've got a reason to celebrate.
Oh.
It's Sona's birth month.
Oh.
Yes.
Where she celebrates the entire month for her birthday.
But this is a big one.
This is, it's a big one.
It's 40.
Yeah.
Ummm.
Yeah, we're all gonna have big birthdays coming up.
I know.
No, you don't wanna talk about it.
Sure.
I mean, my birthday doesn't come up for another six months.
But they're milestone birthdays, all three of us.
I don't really think so.
I don't think of it that way.
I'm not hung up on age.
As they say, age is just a number
so I don't think about it much.
But yeah, I see what your point is.
These are all gonna be big birthdays.
Let's just come out with it.
You're turning six oh.
Mmm hmm.
I'm turning 50
and Sonia's turning 40
all within seven or eight months.
Mine isn't until April
so I don't like being rushed along.
Mine's not till May.
Mine's now.
That's why I brought it up.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Do you guys celebrate all month?
I don't like this rushing thing if you know.
Well, Conan, you're practically, you know, 80
and I'm like what?
I didn't say that.
You just said you don't mind it.
Yeah seems like you do.
And now you're snowballing it
to you being 80.
I'm as young as I've ever been.
You're getting very defensive.
I'm younger now than I ever was.
Act your age.
Are we still cool?
My hip hurts.
We're still cool.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
Are you kidding?
Yeah right.
Especially me and you, that's a youthquake.
(Sonia laughing)
A youthquake.
I mean, we're taking the world by storm.
Strapping grandpa.
These are, I guess, yeah, these are
I guess you would call them milestone birthdays
that are coming up.
As I say, it's six months away.
So as far as I'm concerned, I'm 38 years old.
Quite worth it.
That's not how it works at all.
That's how it works for me.
Also, have you seen me?
I am jacked.
I mean.
Do, do you mean like put up on cinder blocks
and raised like a car?
Is that what you mean?
Oh yeah, I didn't mean working out.
Oh yeah.
No, I am jacked.
I'm, I'm
they're working on my undercarriage.
There's, there's fluids leaking all over the floor.
What are they doing with it?
Come on.
They thought they knew what the problem was
but they can still hear the buzzing sound.
Ahhhh.
And there's just spare parts all over the place.
How's your piston?
Oh man.
Come on Matt.
They can't even find it.
Oh God.
The piston was misplaced.
Awful gift this is.
You celebrate for a whole month.
I think. I don't even celebrate for my birthday
for a whole day.
Yeah, why?
I love birthdays.
Me too.
I love my birthday.
I'll celebrate, I'll celebrate all year if I could
but that would be weird.
But I, yeah, I like celebrating all month.
How come you don't like celebrating your birthday?
I just don't, you know why?
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I always feel like, well, I didn't do anything.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I.
On that one day a year you can't give yourself
the little gift of just, hey, let's celebrate me.
I don't know.
It feels, I get a little
it's funny cause I'm being, being honest.
I just always have felt like, well, what did I do?
I was just thrust into this earth against my will.
I wanted to stay in.
Now you're making me doubt my birthday.
You wanted to stay in the womb?
It was nice in there.
The minute I came out
I realized there was so many other brothers and sisters.
And when I was in there alone, it was, you know
it was nice.
And you were only alone in there
for a little while, right?
Yeah, I mean, exactly.
I mean, in, in my
there was just so many kids that
many, you know
a lot of people can't remember when they were in the womb.
I remember.
And I remember like, this was some me time.
Wow.
This was real me time.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, maybe for your birthday you could just
I don't know, like.
Come back and bloom.
Get a hefty bag full of jelly or something
and warm it up and go in there and.
Simulate a uterus.
Listen to some songs that were on the charts in 1963.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a great idea, yeah.
♪ He's so fine ♪
(everyone laughing)
Oh.
No, no.
I'm not anti birthday, but I usually
my favorite thing to do is just, you know, go to dinner
as an excuse to just go to dinner with some people.
But the whole thing of, hey
happy birthday and here's something for you
always makes me a little self-conscious.
It's not the age thing.
It's just me feeling.
I don't know.
It's so funny because I'm someone who
my whole life has been
I love going out in front of people and whatever
entertaining them.
But I feel like that's something that I'm doing.
That's me doing my job.
Ah.
As opposed to yay.
And what did I do?
Well, you lived 60 years.
I mean, that's no small feat.
Yeah, I don't know why you're rushing my birthday.
It's unbelievable.
You keep acting like it doesn't bother you.
Well, it's another thing to say like
well, Sona, I mean 50, that's a big one.
And you're like, What are you talking about?
Well, it's coming up.
You seem kind of defensive.
You know, I've got six months to process this.
Okay.
I'm still in my fifties
and I'm not gonna have you
turn this whole segment prematurely into I'm 60 when.
That's not what I'm trying to do.
I was just trying to wish Sona.
Oh, I know exactly what you're trying to do.
Happy 50th to you too, Matt.
This is about you.
I mean, you're practically 57, when you think about it.
How do you figure?
Well, it's coming pretty quick.
I mean, I feel and look that way, yeah.
But other than that, I think.
You use a cane and you don't need to.
Yeah, but that's an affectation.
I know.
Gourley has a walker
that he bought at the Rose Bowl swap meet.
Yeah.
And he got it because it was vintage.
It was one of those really cool forties vintage walkers.
Yeah.
And he uses it.
Yeah.
And I've seen old people who needed one and you.
Fuck them.
Yeah.
No, I think.
I think, I don't know how I'm gonna react
when my birthday rolls around
but I think I'll be pretty cool.
I do tend to take the attitude that, wow
I've been on earth this long.
Yeah.
I think that's how people used to feel about getting old.
Cause nobody
very few people had the chance to get old.
Yeah.
In our recent history. Yeah.
For most of mankind, if someone turned 50 or 60 or 70
it was a sign of, this is cool.
This is, wow, you've been here
and people would go to you for wisdom.
We don't do that anymore with our elderly.
Yeah.
Well, because also we're aging better.
You look great.
You don't look 60 and you do not look 40.
Well I'm not.
You are.
I'm 59.
You look 59 and and six months.
No.
You don't look bad.
You don't look 60, Matt.
I might.
You don't, you look fine.
No, look, we all know.
I think we're all real hot.
You don't get, first of all, Sona, you know
that no one just gets my body.
Okay, I immediately regret complimenting you.
It's an incredible amount of work.
Ugh.
No one gets your body.
They're cursed with it.
(Conan laughing)
This body is a burden.
No, I, you know
I do the best I can.
You do have good body though, that's the thing.
Now it's getting creepy.
I mean a really nice body.
Thank you.
I'm proud of us
cause Sona's going to be, you're gonna be 40.
How soon's your birthday?
I know, I'm supposed to know this.
October 13.
Yeah, whatever.
I'll have David remind me.
What?
I just told you.
You can't remember it.
It's already gone.
Okay. David, the other assistant
will remember.
But um, that's a big deal.
How do you feel about turning 40?
I'm cool with it.
I haven't, should I feel different?
No.
Should we feel different?
I mean, I don't know.
You've got a wonderful husband.
Two beautiful boys.
Yeah, I'm cool.
You've got a really nice house.
I'm chilling.
You're working with Conan O'Brien?
Oh God
This is, I mean, it's the jackpot.
You know.
I really am like in a happy place.
I don't, I don't know when you get to the point
where you're like, oh.
Like when does a midlife crisis happen?
Oh, it happened to me late forties.
Oh okay.
Hard, yeah.
Did you get a corvette?
No, I bought a margarita maker.
Oh my God.
That was your midlife crisis.
Yeah and had it installed in his corvette.
I did call it my hot rod.
You got a margarita maker?
Amanda bought it for me for my birthday
but it was my midlife crisis toy, yeah.
It's actually a frozen concoction maker from Margaritaville
the Jimmy Buffet brand.
Okay.
Oh wow.
I hope you're getting paid.
No, but I would.
That's interesting.
I don't know.
I'm gonna think about what I want for my birthday this year.
What, what are you gonna want this year?
I like just a dinner with friends
but it's 50th so maybe we'll have a party or something.
I don't know.
Right.
Just something in the backyard or something, I don't know.
What about you Sona?
What's the plan for?
Well, it's birth month
so it's a lot of dinners with a lot of people
and then might, a trip.
A trip with my family.
That's very entitled to have a birth month.
How dare you?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Just to say, oh, and this whole month is mine.
Where do you get off saying you have a birth month?
No, I, there's a lot of people I wanna see
and so it's like, hey, let's, you know.
Well you could see them. You can use your birthday
as an excuse to see people.
Isn't it nice?
But it's also pressuring them to get you a gift.
No, nobody gets gifts anymore.
It's not like I'm turning, you know, five.
I don't want people to get me gifts.
No one gets
I don't wanna do a gift thing.
I expect a gift on my birthday.
You want me to get you a gift?
Yes.
Especially this year.
But you have so much stuff.
Why do you say I have so much stuff?
Because you're a very wealthy person.
It's all relative.
Oh okay.
I mean, compared to Bill Gates.
It is hard to buy you a gift.
That's not true.
You are a hard person to buy a gift for.
Not true.
Okay.
It is true.
What, really?
Yeah.
Anything, I'm happy with anything
as long as it's costs over like $2,500 I'm happy with it.
Can I just write you a check?
That's fine.
Okay.
Yeah.
A check for 25 and you would cash it?
My baseline is $2,500.
What is wrong with you?
That is my baseline.
You just collect checks from your employees
for your birthday.
My mother a few years ago
wrote me a little note on my birthday
and I sent it back to her and I said this
I want $2,500 minimum.
And she didn't, she didn't have it.
She had to take out a loan.
That's not nice.
You should just build into our pay for the company
an extra $2,500.
No, come on, you guys do fine.
And I think
I loom large in your lives
and I think $2,500 apiece is fair.
A check is fine.
I prefer cash or crypto.
Okay.
You wouldn't know what to do with crypto.
I just, I just transferred crypto into your account, then.
You know what?
I know so little about crypto
I'm assuming you did.
Oh yeah, so did I.
Boop boop boop.
Oh, oh, oh boop boop.
Well, I guess, I guess some
if I heard boop boop then I must have crypto.
Boop boop boop boop boop, just did.
I used boop boop coin and I gave you 25,000 Biggie Bits.
Well, I used some back
trying to give you some.
(Conan make a whirling noise)
Well, this ended stupidly.
Yeah it did.
Happy birthday Sona.