- Hi, I'm Hannah, your friendly neighborhood wine mom.
Please excuse this new
living room, I'm in the process of moving.
That's why I'm drinking tonight.
So, I get a lot of messages from you teens
who watch the show saying that,
"You're not necessarily a parent
"and you don't necessarily drink wine,
"but you use this show as almost a sex-ed
"that you don't learn in school."
So, I decided, for this episode,
let's just go full sex-ed.
Let's talk about what it's like to lose your virginity.
It's gonna be an awkward episode. (laughs)
So, first, let's define what virginity actually is.
When people say you lose your virginity,
the first thought is penis-vagina,
but there are so many different types of sex.
There are so many different types of sexualities.
You might not necessarily be a heterosexual,
and so virginity means a whole different thing to you.
Like the definition of virginity
that first comes to people's minds
I think is just the physical definition.
There's a whole other emotional part
that goes along with it.
So, what we're talking about is both.
So, with that being said, now that we've
defined what virginity is,
let's talk about how you know you're ready.
I remember when I was in high school.
All my friends started losing their virginity.
I was the last one,
and so I felt all this pressure to
not be the last one anymore.
I feel like there's almost this fear and
kind of scramble in high school
to lose your virginity in high school because maybe,
in college, if you're still a virgin,
then it's just never gonna happen.
"Oh, 18, you're cut off, you can never have sex now."
That's not the case.
I know plenty of people who lost their virginity in college,
and even while after college,
and it was fine.
It will happen when it's right for you.
So, if you're in high school and you're worried about it,
or even in college and worried about it,
it's nothing to stress over.
Eventually, it's gonna happen.
So, don't put too much pressure on making sure it happens
when it's happening for everybody else.
So, now that you know
that you're ready to lose your virginity,
let's first debunk a couple myths.
So, first, people always think that
losing their virginity is going to hurt,
because I think, with the first time you're having sex,
you're just like,
"Okay, just like put something in something."
Over time, you learn about this thing called foreplay,
and it's very necessary.
It gets the juices flowing.
It gets everything going.
Get everything prepped and ready for penetration.
That sounds so creepy. (laughs)
And when you just go straight up, like fwa-pow,
there's nothing there to like ease it in.
That's like running and diving down a dry slip-and-slide.
You got to make sure there's enough water.
You got to let the sprinklers run for a little bit
before you just like go head first into it.
(laughs)
That was a good one.
That was a good metaphor.
Next, you will not become obsessed with the person
who you lose your virginity to.
I feel like it's a very high shool myth.
I remember all these guys in high school
would talk about like, "Oh, no, I don't want to take
"her virginity because she's just gonna
"be obsessed with me until the day she dies."
How special do you think you fucking are?
Like I know there are some people who lose their virginity
and they end up marrying that person,
but it's not because they lost their virginity to them,
it's because there's a whole lot of other factors
that make them want to marry that person.
So, the guy I lost my virginity to was a friend,
and when it was over, we did not start dating.
It's not like I developed this weird obsession with him
and like, to this day, like scrapbook
pictures of his life from his Facebook.
Of course there's an emotional attachment, or a connection,
but that person's not gonna just pine over you
for the rest of their life.
Don't pat yourself on the back too hard.
Next, the myth of once you've started
the act of losing your virginity, you can't stop.
There's this feeling of like,
"Oh, we're here already, and they're into it,
"and there was this expectation.
"I've already started, so I might as well finish."
That's bullshit.
You can stop whenever you want
for any reason, for no reason at all
if you just don't feel like it,
and if your partner is not receptive of that,
then kick them to the curb because that's not okay.
And the last myth is that the way you lose your virginity
is gonna dictate the rest of your sex life,
which is not the case whatsoever.
The way you lose your virginity is just this one little
awkward push into another realm of being.
If you were bad, if you were awkward,
if it was embarrassing,
you're only gonna get better from there.
It's like the first time I did karaoke.
It was really weird and I held the microphone out too far
so nobody could hear.
And it was super awkward,
and I stood up there in front of the entire bar
looking like a fucking idiot.
Now, when I do karaoke, I know I need two glasses of wine
before I start, I know I need to practice
in the bathroom a couple times,
and then I get out on the stage and I fucking rock it.
Just like sex.
(laughing)
So, last, let's talk about doing the damn thing.
So, the first thing you want to do is go
through a mental checklist.
"Do I feel emotionally ready?
"Am I physically ready?
"Do I trust this person?
"Am I in a location that makes me feel safe?
"Am I in a situation that makes me feel safe?
"Do I have the proper protection,
"or am I taking the proper precautions?
"And do I have a kick-ass playlist
"to play while I do this thing?"
Because that song is gonna remind you
about losing your virginity for the rest of your life.
For me, it was Destiny's Child Bills.
Great song.
I'm glad it doesn't play on the radio much anymore.
When I lost my virginity, I was at a party,
it was like kind of an opportune moment.
So, my first time wasn't this whole like romantic like
rose petals scattered over the bed,
like box of chocolates laying on the night stand.
It was fine, it was enjoyable,
I have no regrets,
and since then, I've had better sex, I've had worse sex.
So, if you're watching this and curious about
actually losing your virginity and kind of unsure about it,
I hope that this helped, I hope that you learned something.
I hope that you feel a little less fearful of it.
At the end of the day, ultimately, it comes down to you.
And when it happens for you,
I hope that it happens in the way that you want.
So, go get 'em, Tiger.
That was kind of weird.
So, that's all I got for today.
I'm Hannah, your friendly neighborhood wine mom,
and if there's a topic you want me to talk about
in a future episode, leave it in the comments,
or you can still text me.
I read them all, just so you know.
I don't necessarily respond because I get flooded
with a lot of them, but I do read every single one of them.
So, if there's anything you're curios about,
shoot me a text.
And, in the meantime,
I'm gonna go listen to some Destiny's Child,
if you know what I mean.
Wait.
'Til next time.
(relaxing music)
Done.