Hi everyone.
It's Aileen.
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
Today is going to be a chatty video, just to share my life update.
I wanted to show off my new hair, of course, and just catch up, I guess,
because I haven't really talked like this and expressed what I'm going through
and where I am now, for a while.
I've made a lot of well-edited videos.
And just thinking, my channel has grown quite a bit in the past two months
and I realize a lot of you are new, so you might not really know anything about me.
So hi!
What's up?
If you're new, welcome to Lavendaire.
Welcome to this beautiful space.
This is a space that's really special for me, it’s a space that I wanted to create
for all of you to come here and learn about personal growth, get inspired,
and just find your people, if you've always felt like you're going through
a lost phase in life.
Or maybe you're just a little bit different than your peers.
This is the space where we're all welcoming, we're all supportive, we're encouraging.
And this is the space to discover yourself, to explore, and really get to
the core of who you are and what you want to do with your life.
In short, Lavendaire is all about personal growth and lifestyle design,
and I'll post a playlist right here that shares a little bit more about my background story
and how all of this started.
Essentially, this was supposed to be a channel
where I'm tracking my personal growth and how I'm figuring out how to create my dream
life.
And as I'm reading books and figuring things out, I am sharing all the lessons and tips
that I'm learning in my life.
And now it's just evolved and I feel like I am maturing,
with my channel and in life.
And that's the reason why I did my hair.
I had this major urge to transform myself in a new way.
I really needed a refresh.
And for me, my hair is symbolic of me, who I am, what's going on with me.
Whenever there's a major life event, I change my hair in a big way.
I always wore long black hair throughout college, high school, and before.
And when I graduated college, that's when I decided to chop my hair off into a bob.
And that was a major transformation, and then it followed me through
my years of exploring through music and working and auditioning, all that stuff.
And then in 2014, I decided to bleach my hair and start going to do those pastel colors
which was super fun.
I've been doing that for the past three years or so.
The year that I bleached my hair, that was the year that I started Lavendaire, with this
new look.
I guess I like having pastel hair because it's always changing.
I felt like I was going through a phase of life where I was constantly changing.
I was constantly learning and growing and trying to figure out my way.
And now I feel like, I don't know, I just can't explain it.
But I'm definitely in a different stage in my career, at least.
I feel like things are more stable now.
I finally feel like I'm in a place where I'm like,
"Okay, this is working!
This is happening."
My dream life is literally a reality.
So much of it is a reality.
And all the things that I wished for in college,
when I was lost and confused, all those things that I wanted in my dream life–
I was like, "I want to be my own boss.
I want to be creative.
I want to make a positive impact and help others in some way."
I feel like I have that now, and that, in my head, now it's more like,
"Okay, well what's next?
How do I tweak it?
How do I continue tweaking
this dream life into something better?
How do I keep improving on it?"
One thing I can say about that is that, if you've ever contemplated starting a channel
or making videos, being creative in some way–Definitely do it, because you're going to grow.
And for me, you know I love journaling.
I love documenting my life.
This is just another expression, another way that I can document things
and share it with the world.
If you want to start a channel, do it.
To be honest, the real irony with my life and where I am right now is that,
this whole month of August, I've kind of been in a slump
because I traveled for three weeks and then I had two weekend trips after that.
So I felt like, for five weeks, I was constantly packing and unpacking.
And I was trying to catch up with my YouTube schedule, but I couldn't.
I'm not sure if you noticed, but I didn't post so consistently in August.
I missed a lot of my regular upload dates, so I felt like I was falling behind.
I felt overwhelmed with the amount of things I had to do,
or the things that I wanted to do.
I felt like a mess, kind of.
And that's why, when I finished coming back from the last weekend trip I had to take,
I decided to chop of my hair–my bangs–and recolor it, to get a fresh start
just because I want to start over again in a new way.
The irony is, I feel–
everybody goes through these moments where we feel imperfect, where we're struggling.
But at the same time, every day I get positive, grateful messages from all of you guys,
sending me emails or on Instagram, Facebook.
And it's just crazy that–I mean, I'm super thankful that I get these nice messages,
and I'm really, really honored to be able to help you with your life.
It's just a weird juxtaposition where you feel like crap, and then you get these messages
that are just so kind.
And they do make my day, they do lift me up.
But at the same time, I can feel like an imposter.
You know what I mean?
I guess what I wanted to share with this video is just a glance at reality because,
no matter who you are, if you're going for your dream life or not,
there's ups and downs in life.
And even if your life is pretty good–
you really have everything you ever dreamed of–it doesn't mean it ends there.
There's still so much life left to live, and there's going to be new challenges
and new things that come along.
And that's part of the journey.
I don’t know, I just think that doing these chatty life updates gives you more of a reality
check.
I want to be as authentic as possible, with these videos, but at the same time,
when I'm creating a lot of my life tips and list-y advice type videos,
I know it can seem like all that I'm about is positive tips and stuff, which–
I mean, who doesn't like that?
I mean, it's helpful, yes.
But the parts that are real are also helpful,
so I think it's important to show all sides of the journey: the good and the bad.
And we can share about our struggles together.
At the end of the day, I think: Always be kind to yourself.
Whatever struggles you're going through, even if you're having good times, bad times,
whatever: Always be kind to yourself, especially when you are naturally the type of person
that sets such high expectations for yourself.
You want yourself to be the best at everything.
If you're super ambitious, it's going to be tough sometimes
when you don't meet your own expectations, and that's self-inflicted disappointment.
Always be kind to yourself.
Be gentle.
And realize that, no matter what happens–anything that happens,
no matter how bad it is–if you're still living, then life goes on: good and bad.
Because, honestly, for me I feel like all the things that I wanted in life is almost,
basically all here.
I'm so grateful to be able to help people,
genuinely help people all around the world.
I'm grateful to get to be creative.
I'm grateful to have a life where I can wake up whenever I want.
I have so much freedom in my life.
And I've fulfilled so much of my dreams that–
I've said this before–I can technically die tomorrow and I'll be fine with that.
I'll be happy with that.
But the thing is, I'm still alive and I still have to keep living.
I still have to keep going and doing things.
And then, on the flip side, if you're going through a really sad, depressing,
bad time in your life: If you're still living, life goes on.
Whether you're in a good place or not-so-good place, life will always move on.
There will always be new experiences and new challenges, it doesn't end,
meaning there's so much more left to learn and explore.
For me, this month was all about trying to catch up with my work (but not being able
to),
feeling disappointed, feeling stressed, feeling overwhelmed.
And then, after all of that, just trying to be kinder to myself, be gentle with myself,
and just let myself let go.
Let myself rest, let myself take a break,
let myself miss a few days of not posting videos on my consistent schedule,
and not feeling so bad about it.
Honestly, sometimes I think about it–
it's kind of like, I've stuck to my schedule so hard
because it helped me stay consistent while building this channel.
But at the same time, it's not going to be the end of the world
if I disappear from social media for a week.
Actually, it's pretty refreshing
to disappear from social media for a week.
It's pretty refreshing to not post on Instagram every day.
And it's more like…
nobody really cares what I'm doing.
If I disappear, I think it's fine.
People are going to continue living their lives, and I can continue living my life too.
Sometimes you make things such a big deal when, if you really take a step back,
it's not such a big deal and it's fine.
Life will always go on no matter what.
I think that, at the end of the day, if you could find peace with yourself.
If you could learn to–what's that called–defuse the stress,
if you could learn to stay present in the moment and just do your best
at this very moment right in front of you, then that's the very best you can do.
Sometimes, if your best is just laying in bed for thirty more minutes
just because you physically can't get up, that's your best.
Sometimes, your best is you're in flow and you're working hard and things are going great.
That's great.
But other times, it's a struggle, just physically, mentally, whatever it is.
And just do your best at that given moment.
I guess, moving forward, let me know what type of content you're interested in seeing.
Do you like getting to know me in chatty updates?
Do you like more of informational,
inspirational videos that can help you with your life?
Obviously, I'll be making a lot of those.
I just don't know what type of personal content that you guys want,
because I do want to keep making videos for my community,
you guys who actually know me and care about me to some level,
rather than just the people who are passing by.
I think, honestly, I'm just going to continue tweaking Lavendaire to what feels right.
And I wrote this in my journal the other day, I have to always remember why I started.
I have to remember the whole vision of Lavendaire, which is just a platform
to empower and inspire others to be their true selves and live their dream lives
because I think that's the most important thing in the world.
I know you can argue with me
on that one: "Oh no, this is more important," or "That is more important."
But I honestly think that, with the diverse amount of human beings on this planet,
everybody has something unique to them: some sort of gift,
something that they are the best at doing, something that they have to share with the
world.
Because when you're doing what you love, that's when you're bringing your best
to the world and you're tying in all your unique skills and unique experiences
to contribute to society in some way.
And I think we need everybody
to contribute to society in their own unique way and, collectively,
that will change all these different industries.
It will change society as a whole.
That's what I think is super important.
There's no more time for people who live a life that they don't want to live.
There's no time for people to just settle at a job that they're not fulfilled at
because there's no time to settle.
We don't have the luxury to settle.
The world needs you, the world needs what you have, the world needs your experience,
your unique lens of the world, your strengths and your talents.
The world needs it because it needs you to be your best, so that–
Everybody needs you to be your best, so that we can all help each other
and gain from each other.
We can all build a better society together.
I genuinely believe that.
We need everybody to be operating at their highest level.
We need everybody
to be inspired and fulfilled and feel joy in their lives, because imagine what a world
that would be like if everybody was like that?
It would be amazing.
And I think that, all the industries would balance out, because yeah,
I know a lot of people go into finance and accounting because it makes money.
But there are people who are genuinely really good at numbers
and really good at calculating stuff, and they're meant to be an accountant.
But a lot of those people, they're actually meant to do other things.
That's why you see … I don't know, it's kind of like they could be contributing
in another area where they could be doing more.
But instead, a lot of people settle, and a lot of people don't take that risk
to live your life to the fullest and untap your fullest potential.
So that's what I'm passionate about.
And I feel like I'm constantly trying
to utilize my experience, my gifts, to create what I create in the world.
And I'm doing my part the best I can.
Obviously, nobody's perfect.
We're all trying.
I just hope I can be here to encourage you to keep trying as well,
no matter how bad things get.
That's all I have to say for now.
I hope this wasn't too messy or crazy, but I love you guys.
Have a beautiful day.
I'll see you next time.
Bye!