The coronavirus,
the only thing with more mutations than Rudy Giuliani.
There's good news in America,
as cases and hospitalizations continue to fall.
But with dangerous coronavirus variants spreading
around the country, the race is now on
to get as many people vaccinated
as quickly as possible.
Which is why, in Massachusetts, they started doing this.
NEWSWOMAN: Starting today in Massachusetts,
vaccine eligibility begins for friends and family members
who accompany a person
who is 75 years of age or older to their vaccine appointment.
Only one companion per person is allowed to sign up
for this vaccine appointment at a mass vaccination site,
regardless of their age or health.
Hell yeah, Massachusetts. Oh!
This is just like the club, but the exact opposite.
The shots are free, and if you have your grandma with you,
you get in right away.
But, yes, anyone can get a vaccine in Massachusetts,
as long as they roll up with someone 75 or over.
And you know what this means, right?
It means everyone is gonna want to make friends
with old people in Massachusetts now.
In fact, they should just make this
the next season of The Bachelorette.
Who will get Gladys' syringe?
Stay tuned to find out.
And this could also make for some awkward situations,
because this is when the grandkids find out
which one is the favorite,
or that grandma has been
having an affair with the pool boy all along.
I love you all equally,
but Javier has abs of steel.
And, look, I know there's gonna be a run on octogenarians now,
but if you ask me, we shouldn't need any more incentives
to hang out with old people.
Guys, old people are the best.
They're full of wisdom,
they usually have free candy in their pockets,
and they have lots of practical advice about
defeating Nazis, which is super useful these days.
But America isn't the only country
taking creative measures to combat coronavirus.
They're also making big changes in France,
aka horny Belgium,
where office culture may never be the same.
NEWSMAN: Employees in France will soon be allowed
to eat at their desks at work.
Currently, the French labor code actually prohibits
businesses from allowing employees to eat meals
in areas that are dedicated to work.
But the labor minister will be making the changes as part
of new COVID restrictions as employees return to the office.
Now, it could signal a change for a country with a very strong
work-life balance, with one French woman
telling The New York Times the amendment
is "a catastrophe."
I agree. This is a catastrophe
for French culture.
First, they start eating at their desks,
and what's next-- working at their desks?
Sacrebleu!
But this is kind of wild.
Apparently, up until now, it had been illegal in France
to eat lunch at your desk, because they think
if it's allowed, workers are gonna be pressured to do it
instead of taking a lunch break.
Not to mention, it's really hard to get
fresh ground pepper out of a keyboard.
And I'm not gonna lie. I was really surprised
to learn about this rule.
I mean, I would have thought that if anyone
ate while they were working, it would be the French.
I mean, their main pastry doubles as a phone.
(French accent): Allo? Marguerette,
I need those documents on my desk
by the end of the day.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Okay, magnifique.
(regular accent): And, finally, a story
about some people in the Caribbean
who were quarantining a little too well.
NEWSWOMAN: This morning, three Cuban nationals
are recovering after being stranded
on a remote, deserted island for five weeks.
The married couple and another man were found on Anguilla Cay,
a small island between Key West and the Bahamas.
MAN: We actually discovered them
waving, uh, next to their, uh, temporary shelter
that they had built for themselves.
NEWSWOMAN: Pictures show the shelter the three had made.
With little food and water, they reportedly survived
off rats and conch shells.
Good lord, people.
That sounds absolutely traumatic.
To be on a beach and not be able to Instagram it?
Ooh! That is a punishment
I wish on nobody.
But, yeah, that's right: a married couple and another man
were stranded on an island for 33 days.
And the person I feel worst for is the other man,
because not only are you the third wheel,
but once that rat supply dries up,
you know you're the first thing on the menu.
Why you guys... why you guys looking at me like?
D-Do you guys want to have, like, a threesome?
I mean, something like that.
But for real, actually being stranded
on a tropical island seems way less fun
than they made it seem on Gilligan's Island.
I don't remember ever seeing Mary Ann walking around
covered in rat blood.