[intro music]
Hey everybody, it is me Chaseypoo, today I am going to be talking to you in front of my cat wall!
It's been such a long time and I wanted to bring it back just so that we can like
You know have like an open conversation. Today, I'm going to be talking about body positivity despite dysphoria and
now I want to like disclaimer this that this might be triggering for some people and also to keep in mind that this is not
going to be the case for everybody. I'm speaking from my own experience, and I'm going to be speaking from kind of like
the experience of somebody who's talked to a lot of people and kind of like
Transitioning for a while, and I don't know what I'm talking about right now, but we're gonna get into it
So what does it mean to be body positive? So that definition could actually be different for literally every single person that watches this video
For me body positivity means that I'm comfortable in my body. I'm able to embrace my body
I'm able to love my body or parts of my body
I'm able to... I don't know post a picture of myself and my body and write some type of like
inspo quote or
Message or paragraph about you know how this is hard for me and stuff like that
So for me my own definition is to be vulnerable and to show other people
But for other people body positivity could be really towards them
So I also have that where I need to become more body positive for myself. I have a lot of issues right now with
weight
Because I have IBS and everything that I eat right now is upsetting my stomach and I'm very bloated
None of my clothes fit me. I have to wear this which is like a medium and like
It's very very loose. It's like a loose medium
It's kind of like a large and for me
it's hard to accept that but body positivity for me regarding that aspect for example is to
understand that there's nothing that I can do. I could try to
Try different diets and stuff like that, which I have done in the past. Please don't give me advice on that
But also realizing that this is my body and I need to accept it and love it and embrace it.
Now I have tried to do this my whole life and it's been very hard
And then when you tag on there is like the trans aspect, I feel like it's even harder because... I'm talking about my own experience
Okay, so please don't say like "oh look Chase said you just have to like think positively and you're gonna be good"
that's -that's not, okay, but from my experience, I
Have a lot of dysphoria and I feel like sometimes it's hard for people to believe that
because I preach about how you don't need dysphoria to be trans and how I went off of testosterone and I
Don't really talk about a lot of the dysphoria that I have or I talk a lot about like I have bottom dysphoria
but I also like to have sex and it kind of causes a little bit of confusion for some people online and I'm
just here to explain kind of my situation and how I feel I
Do have a lot of body dysphoria. I don't like my hips and
My butt I like I don't mind it. I got that booty
But my hips they really do bother me if I'm wearing like a jock strap or tight underwear
Wear like the fat on this side will kind of come out and I'm trying so hard to like
Tell myself like some cis guys have hips and that makes me feel better and that
helps me kind of
Give myself more positivity in something that I've been
Fuming over in my head for years and not that it's like that an instant
I still have issues like even today I did a bunch of reviews where I'm like trying on underwear and showing packing and stuff like
that and
There was a part where I was looking and it was really digging into me
Because the underwear I think was a medium and I should have got it at large
But at the time that I got them I didn't have this IBS problem
So I was feeling like really self-conscious. But as I was looking at like the viewfinder of the camera I was like
You know what like whatever
I'm sure that I'm not the only one that has a body like this and if somebody else
sees that and it makes them feel better than I feel better and I don't know how to explain that but it's -it's kind of
like predicting somebody's
Reaction, which is not very good. But because I know that there is no way in the world that I'm alone
Okay, in thinking that
wearing a jockstrap that is tighter makes my fat on the side come out and it makes me dysphoric. There's no way I'm alone
Okay, and I know that there are other people have talked to me about that
I've talked about that with like Mike and Aaron and stuff like that and other people
So I know I'm not alone but thinking in my head like you know what it's okay. I'm gonna show this on camera
Because for me showing it on camera is therapeutic because I'm showing it to myself
I'm doing a lot of this work and this body positivity work by myself
but
because I'm doing it in front of a camera like it's like
Reflection because then I get to you know review and edit this video like once or twice after I record it
So I again I'm reflecting, self reflecting on something that I already said
So I'm kind of like preaching to myself
Which makes me listen to myself more because then I realize there are people in my position who are going to listen to this
Does this make sense? And yes, I'm like, oh, you know what? It does make sense. My body does look fine
This is what a normal body looks like what is even a normal body? No one knows like everybody has a normal body
It's their body. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's no such thing as a ideal body
So for me to kind of understand this in regards to my transition and other things in my life have really helped me
so I used to have a lot of just worry about not having facial hair and
The thing that really helped me and to be positive about that was to like think in the future one day
I might have a beard and I do. It's a little bushy right now
And I probably should shave it but whatever. So in terms of like body positivity in a sexual way
I kind of want to go into because it's super important that we don't
skip over that because
Sex is like talked about in our community, but not a lot
It's either we're like fetishize so it's like too much sex or it's like no sex at all or we're not sexualized,
We're not sexy or desirable in a sexual way. No one wants to have sex with us
So we need to find this like medium. We're like we're accepted just like everyone else so in terms of sexuality and
Sexually in my body using it in a sexual way and being positive about that. I think that having
Sex and talking about it openly on YouTube and doing all these reviews have helped me so much, tremendously
Throughout the years because I have become way more comfortable with myself sexually. Yes
I still have bottom dysphoria, but I like to imagine that I have different parts when I have dysphoria sometimes
I absolutely don't and I'm like
"Do anything. I love it do that, do this" and other times like "don't you dare go anywhere near there"
I don't know why I'm like that it just it fluctuates
It goes up and down that's completely normal that happens to a lot of people that I know
But despite this I still try to find a way to embrace my body and own it, and love it
My body has been lacking
Agency ever since I was a kid, ever since the doctor said it's a girl ever since I was put in dresses and was forced
To have long hair and was forced to put makeup on I have never had agency over my own identity and my own body
so being able to
kind of reclaim my own body in a sexual way and be sex positive and in turn be body positive and
show my body even though sometimes I'm a little bit uncomfortable and it's dysphoria or it's just like weight or
You know hips whatever it is or it's that I don't have a dick honestly, whatever it is
I try to embrace my body as it is and
Accept the body that I have and love the body that I have because I know that for this moment in my life
There's nothing that I can do or the things that I can do or like you know
I can wear a packer and I have found things over the years that have definitely helped me out with my dysphoria
but it -it was really
Mind-blowing to me that all of this work for all of these years have really actually helped me
where I think about my body and I can have sex and I can be sexual -a sexual person and
Take sexy pictures and like feel good about myself and I think that the big problem here is that we don't have a lot of that
Representation we don't have a lot of like sexy, like tasteful good nude trans people in the media
because that's... I don't know not desirable or again too fetishized and it would be great to
Embrace that and not just people who are very buff enough
There's nothing wrong with that but different body types. Like I would love to see my body type
Out there, it would make me feel like awesome
like look at that that person is so confident and they have my body type and I think that when I think those things I
Think oh shit. I'm in the public. I'm not on TV
I'm not in movies nothing like that
But I'm on YouTube and a lot of people watch me and a lot of people follow me on Instagram
So I... I don't feel pressure to post positive things and body positive things because I say when I have dysphoria and it sucks
But I think like oh shit, I should do something. I should be that person that
posts a picture of me naked somewhere in British Columbia in
beautiful wilderness, near the water and mountains and the forest and beautiful beautiful things where I'm naked and
I feel good about myself and my body and you know
It's funny because go to Vancouver every year
Because I want to move there but every summer I go for like two weeks and I go camping and stuff like that
So the... one of the first years that I went... the first year, actually I went backpacking
I went into the lake where my friend was already naked and then I took my shorts off and then threw them but I was
like super uh uh, then the year after we were in like this private area and I
Took off my pants and I didn't go in the water though
I don't think uh, yeah
I know I was in... I walked into the water and then I saw a boat come and I ran back because I was scared
and then this year
The confidence and the difference between like two years ago, last year and this year
I was walking around naked, there were people that came on to like our mini like
Secluded area island that we were at and I stayed naked
I like hid my junk a little bit my Sudoku books
I think there might have been a kid or something and I was like "uh not cool" but
I felt completely comfortable. We went into the water completely naked when there was other people around and it just made me feel
so
Powerful because it was me. It was my body
I was taking control of my body and my identity and my
Agency, and I was doing everything that I wanted to do. I want to be naked. I love being naked
It is so much fun to be naked and I love it
I would love to go to the gay falls in Montreal and just go and be naked
It's just so much fun. But I need to be around people that I'm comfortable with
But even at that even if I have a moment where I'm like "mmmh my body" and I feel dysphoric it doesn't matter
It doesn't matter because I need to think of the wider picture here is that it makes me feel good
Who cares about what other people think and that's how I'm able to think and that's years and years of work
So I'm not saying do this right away and it'll help you but just know that I did a lot of work to get to where I am
And it makes me so happy that I'm excited to get naked in front of people and just hang out and you know what
if you don't like it?
That sucks for you because I love it and I'm comfortable and if we're in a space that we're allowed to be naked
Oh my god, don't just go to a park and get naked. Like if you're a nude beach or something
I feel so empowered like yeah, I have a different type of body than you have and I love it
So good luck trying to insult me. It's kind of like that
It kind of makes me feel powerful like, you can't do anything to me. You know what I'm saying?
Anyway, that's just my little thing about like how I'm able to be body-positive even though I have dysphoria
So let me know in the comments what you think and what you've experienced and if you've done any of, you know
Any of the work that I've ever talked about
You know that I've talked about, in my head or if you have other things that you've done that have, because I would love that
we could all talk about this as a community and try to find like some... not common ground, but like
Some like, tips and tricks and like tools that we could all kind of use together because we need to help each other out
especially on this and you know
what if you have super dysphoria and you've tried this and it doesn't work and that's fine and you know
And that's how it -that's fine
I'm not saying that you just need to think positive and you're gonna be positive
Did you try shoving eight bath bombs up your ass? Like it's not how it works. You know what I'm saying?
But I've worked so hard and I know it sounds like I did it like that easy
but oh my god, lots of torture in my brain, lots of thoughts and
I'm here now, so I just want to share that experience. Alright, let me know what you think. Have a great day
I love you. Bye